Family not taking no for an answer when I have covid

[Twentyn1ne]

I'm laid up with covid, feeling very unwell and have chest pain. I have 3 small sick children also. We're all hibernating in the bedroom.

My mother, who is a binge drinker, was supposed to come round two weeks ago to collect some bits she left here. Bus pass, phone charger etc.

She didn't turn up as she went on a binge and had everyone worried about her. As usual.

Fast forward to yesterday, my birthday, she decides she wants to come and collect her things. I told her she can't, I have covid and I'm not dealing with her right now.

Today my aunt rings and says they are coming at 2.30 regardless, I can just hand them over at the door.

I said no, sorry, not dealing with it I'm too ill. She's had weeks to come.

They refuse to listen to me and are planning on turning up regardless.

WIBU to just ignore the door?

Are you on your own with the three young sick kids?

deal with what?

Them.

The phone calls that get me stressed. I cannot stand talking to them, being spoken over, patronised, it gives me the rage.

Needing to go up and down the stairs when I'm dizzy and breathless when I walk, not because I need to but because they want me to.

The meltdown that will ensue when DS hears nanna at the door because despite being told not to, they will knock and talk loudly regardless and we're in the front bedroom.

Why should I have to bother myself with any of that when all I want to do is be left in peace for a few days so I can rest.

You don’t need to take their calls
Mute it
Send message to stay on door step

Job done

It doesn’t sound like you are in any fit state to look after three young sick children

Could she not help?

Oh they will knock, it'll be under the guise of passing me whatever they pick up from the shop on the way here (which they are only doing to make it look like the visit is partly for my benefit - I have told them not to come and bring anything because I don't need anything - just to be left alone for a few days)

are you on your own with 3 sick kids

At the moment yes unfortunately

Tbh OP of the stress is so much the solution is to give them the stuff. I don't know why you would do anything else but I can see I'm in the minority here. The backstory etc doesn't really make any odds, like it's not a reason to be difficult. I get that you don't feel well but the easiest option for you is to give the stuff back.

@implantreplace I’m guessing that either you’re an alcoholic yourself hence the utterly awful
minimising you’re doing, or you are so sheltered that you have absolutely no idea what alcoholism can do to a family.

An alcoholic only cares about one person: themselves. Everyone else in their life comes 2nd to their own needs.

All the time.

As a parent this is one of the worst things you could possibly do to your child.

The poor OP has Covid and feels really ill, her kids have Covid, one of them has autism (that’s not going to make things any easier is it if their normal routine has been disrupted and they feel poorly ffs), it’s her birthday and yet her alcoholic mother has not even wished her own daughter a happy birthday or asked if she’s OK - all she wants to do is come and collect her bloody stuff.

A normal mother would ask if she needed medical help, offer to bring paracetamol and food supplies, ask if she can do anything to help. You know - actually CARE about her.

This mother? Disappears for 2 weeks pissed, then demands her stuff even though OP is ill and has put up with a lifetime of uncaring, self-centred shit from this woman.

OP: you probably should ring 111 if you’re having chest pains and feeling dizzy. I hope you feel better soon and I’m really sorry that your mother is like this

Have you asked your mother to help?

at the moment

When will someone be back?

It’s not minimising

It’s about not cutting your nose off to spite your face

@implantreplace

It doesn’t sound like you are in any fit state to look after three young sick children

Could she not help?

Er she’s an alcoholic, who’s NOT in recovery, would you honestly trust her to look after 3 Covid-positive children?!

@implantreplace

It doesn’t sound like you are in any fit state to look after three young sick children

Could she not help?

My other half will be back home this evening so I won't be on my own for long, its just a shame he isn't here now as he could have told them to sod off and they might have listened to him

Ignore it or leave on doorstep.

@drawingpad

Tbh OP of the stress is so much the solution is to give them the stuff. I don't know why you would do anything else but I can see I'm in the minority here. The backstory etc doesn't really make any odds, like it's not a reason to be difficult. I get that you don't feel well but the easiest option for you is to give the stuff back.

I am putting the stuff on the door step, I'm not going to withhold it. I'm just really annoyed that they're making these demands of me today.

I think you’re kind giving them a bag - but I’m the kind of petty that would dump them by the gate and let them know there’s no need to even come in the front garden… Sod if it rains or anything - that’s not your problem

I hope you manage to enjoy birthday cuddles with your children and that you’re feeling much better without them to think about

Could it be that she needs her bus pass and charger for work tomorrow?

And he left yoh on your birthday like this?!

[quote BenjiMcSchmenzie]@implantreplace I’m guessing that either you’re an alcoholic yourself hence the utterly awful
minimising you’re doing, or you are so sheltered that you have absolutely no idea what alcoholism can do to a family.

An alcoholic only cares about one person: themselves. Everyone else in their life comes 2nd to their own needs.

All the time.

As a parent this is one of the worst things you could possibly do to your child.

The poor OP has Covid and feels really ill, her kids have Covid, one of them has autism (that’s not going to make things any easier is it if their normal routine has been disrupted and they feel poorly ffs), it’s her birthday and yet her alcoholic mother has not even wished her own daughter a happy birthday or asked if she’s OK - all she wants to do is come and collect her bloody stuff.

A normal mother would ask if she needed medical help, offer to bring paracetamol and food supplies, ask if she can do anything to help. You know - actually CARE about her.

This mother? Disappears for 2 weeks pissed, then demands her stuff even though OP is ill and has put up with a lifetime of uncaring, self-centred shit from this woman.

OP: you probably should ring 111 if you’re having chest pains and feeling dizzy. I hope you feel better soon and I’m really sorry that your mother is like this [/quote]
Thank you you've really hit the nail on the head that's exactly what it's like. I spoke to 111 this morning I'm still waiting for a clinician to ring me back. I have a pulse oxi meter arriving in the morning from amazon. I just really need to rest

All of this crap hasn't helped today, I got so stressed with the phonecalls. I felt I had no choice but to answer it and say not to come because I knew they'd come anyway.

Totally understand where you are coming from joining in with the dump her shit on the doorstep and ignore chorus

Turn off your phone dont worry about them sending the police or any such drama they will be extremely pissed off with them calling them out because you have covid and won't engage with them

implant, do you really think you are helping the OP, going on and on like this?

Have a word with yourself.

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with shit relatives. Have either of them even acknowledged your Birthday?

I hope they come and go quietly and I hope you and your DCs feel better soon