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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family not taking no for an answer when I have covid

135 replies

Twentyn1ne · 13/03/2022 12:08

I'm laid up with covid, feeling very unwell and have chest pain. I have 3 small sick children also. We're all hibernating in the bedroom.

My mother, who is a binge drinker, was supposed to come round two weeks ago to collect some bits she left here. Bus pass, phone charger etc.

She didn't turn up as she went on a binge and had everyone worried about her. As usual.

Fast forward to yesterday, my birthday, she decides she wants to come and collect her things. I told her she can't, I have covid and I'm not dealing with her right now.

Today my aunt rings and says they are coming at 2.30 regardless, I can just hand them over at the door.

I said no, sorry, not dealing with it I'm too ill. She's had weeks to come.

They refuse to listen to me and are planning on turning up regardless.

WIBU to just ignore the door?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 13/03/2022 12:47

Can you put a toxic or skull & crossbones poster on your home to drive home the point that you are ill?

Thanks
romdowa · 13/03/2022 12:48

I'd tell the pair of them that if you show up at my door then I'll call the police. I've very little patience when it comes to addicts though. A family member of mine was one for 10 years and in the end I had enough of their antics. He weirdly never crossed me as he knew my threats of the police would be carried out. It's amazing that they known who they can manipulate and who they can't. I'd reccomended blocking both your aunt and your mother. Leaving the stuff at the door and just be done with them. Sounds like you've your hands full with 3 kids, you don't need any more hassle

Original poster
Twentyn1ne · 13/03/2022 12:49

@RandomMess

Can you put a toxic or skull & crossbones poster on your home to drive home the point that you are ill?

Thanks

That made me smile Grin

They know I'm really not well, I explained over the phone I was having chest pains and I'm dizzy when I stand up and walk around. They couldn't care less if I were laid up in the hospital, mum must come first.

OP posts:
Nousernameforme · 13/03/2022 12:51

Have you got a spare birthday banner or something you could blue tac on the door just as a little dig.

Original poster
Twentyn1ne · 13/03/2022 12:52

@romdowa

I'd tell the pair of them that if you show up at my door then I'll call the police. I've very little patience when it comes to addicts though. A family member of mine was one for 10 years and in the end I had enough of their antics. He weirdly never crossed me as he knew my threats of the police would be carried out. It's amazing that they known who they can manipulate and who they can't. I'd reccomended blocking both your aunt and your mother. Leaving the stuff at the door and just be done with them. Sounds like you've your hands full with 3 kids, you don't need any more hassle
I actually considered saying that.

I think If I did, though, my aunt would call the police herself and say I'm withholding property and then I'd have the drama of dealing with that on the doorstep which is the last thing I need.

I also have little patience for her addiction. Too many chances, too much wasted energy.

I'm sorry you have had the stress of it too.

Once they've collected her stuff I'm blocking them both. I don't expect they'll care to find out how I'm doing anyway. I'm only relevant when it's in their interests.

OP posts:
Nickwinkle · 13/03/2022 12:52

Don't even put the stuff outside. Just ignore them.

Original poster
Twentyn1ne · 13/03/2022 12:52

@Nousernameforme

Have you got a spare birthday banner or something you could blue tac on the door just as a little dig.
Oh bugger no I don't, that would have been a good one
OP posts:
RandomMess · 13/03/2022 12:53

Don't bag it up, just put the items on the step Thanks

Shoxfordian · 13/03/2022 12:55

Put the stuff on the step if it won’t get stolen which will just cause you even more drama

I’m sorry op, they sound like a nightmare. Consider going very very low or no contact

CremeEggThief · 13/03/2022 12:58

Do NOT open that door to them!!!

Let them come back only when it suits you. How dare they be so cheeky?

drawingpad · 13/03/2022 12:59

Please, don't start with the "illness" card.

Well you mentioned it

I have ran out of patience and empathy for it.

I've spent years pandering to that shit. No more.

Ok but nobody is asking you to pander, she just wants to collect her stuff. I honestly can't see what's wrong with that.

Original poster
Twentyn1ne · 13/03/2022 13:01

@drawingpad

Please, don't start with the "illness" card.

Well you mentioned it

I have ran out of patience and empathy for it.

I've spent years pandering to that shit. No more.

Ok but nobody is asking you to pander, she just wants to collect her stuff. I honestly can't see what's wrong with that.

I mentioned her being a binge drinker to explain why she didn't turn up when she was due to and subsequently went awol.

She's not even a daily drinker, just a massively dysfunctional one who goes on week long benders then stops for two weeks or so, rinse and repeat.

What's wrong with it is, it's not convenient and I don't want to have to deal with it / them / her when I'm poorly and want to rest.

OP posts:
Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 13/03/2022 13:01

@drawingpad

Please, don't start with the "illness" card.

Well you mentioned it

I have ran out of patience and empathy for it.

I've spent years pandering to that shit. No more.

Ok but nobody is asking you to pander, she just wants to collect her stuff. I honestly can't see what's wrong with that.

Because OP is unwell herself, and its not self inflicted. She's also looking after her children. The mother was meant to collect it two weeks ago and didn't. So no, OP shouldn't have to now get her stuff ready when she isn't well. They should be able to wait, seeing as how it wasn't needed for two weeks.
WouldIwasShookspeared · 13/03/2022 13:02

Putting the stuff outside is certainly what you need to do.

However, I bet they will still knock and knock and try to get in so you need to prepare yourself for that and not back down.

Original poster
Twentyn1ne · 13/03/2022 13:04

Also, and I will admit this might be a bit petty, there's a part of me that feels like.. why does she get to call the shots? We made arrangements, she didn't come, now she and her keeper think they can dictate to me what happens next.

I said over the phone I would deal with it in a few days once I felt better BTW, I didn't say she's not having her things just that I could not do it yesterday nor today.

My aunt has majorly annoyed me by talking over me when I was telling her not to come, just to say they are coming and they'll see me at 2.30.

Who the hell do they think they are

OP posts:
OurChristmasMiracle · 13/03/2022 13:07

I would put your mums things in a bag and leave them outside. I would then text both your aunt and your mum telling them it is waiting for them outside and that under no circumstances are they to knock as you do not wish to have company as both yourself and the kids are unwell and resting.

notthatonethisone · 13/03/2022 13:07

First of all happy birthday! Cake

Sorry you're having a shit time of it. And hope you manage to celebrate a bit when you're all feeling better

It really struck me how your mother didn't even wish you happy birthday. Just wanted her stuff back. After youd spent ages trying to arrange for her to take it back.

Do they have keys? Is there anyway they can access the house? I know you said you'd leave the stuff outside. You're a better person than me. I'd batten down the hatches and turn the tv up. Fuck em.

Did your aunt wish you happy birthday either?

I think it's a sad dynamic. You sound worn down by the drink problems and all it brings.

I would try to go low contact. Ease out of it. I'm sorry

jytdtysrht · 13/03/2022 13:07

They sound awful

WouldIwasShookspeared · 13/03/2022 13:13

You aren't allowed to say no.
With her things outside they have two choices. Pretend it actually was just that they needed the stuff and take it and leave.
Or
Prove they don't give a shit about the stuff and it is about being outraged that you've dared to say no.

Whatever happens, please please do not open your door.

Seedandyarn · 13/03/2022 13:19

I hear you, I had a binge drinking alcoholic parent too it's hell when they are on a bender it's like a grenade dropped in the middle of your life then when they sober up the enabling members of the family come along sweeping all the mess under the carpet and demanding collective amnesia. It made me so resentful.
Chuck the bag on the doorstep 5 mins before they are due add a note saying DO NOT KNOCK or you will call the police.

The only way I managed to cope through that time was to go no contact with large parts of my family only keeping in contact with those who didn't try to encourage contact or pass on any info.

implantreplace · 13/03/2022 13:23

In the time taken to do thread you could have dumped stuff in bag and left on door mat

Ensure door locked

Job done

implantreplace · 13/03/2022 13:24

@Twentyn1ne

Also, and I will admit this might be a bit petty, there's a part of me that feels like.. why does she get to call the shots? We made arrangements, she didn't come, now she and her keeper think they can dictate to me what happens next.

I said over the phone I would deal with it in a few days once I felt better BTW, I didn't say she's not having her things just that I could not do it yesterday nor today.

My aunt has majorly annoyed me by talking over me when I was telling her not to come, just to say they are coming and they'll see me at 2.30.

Who the hell do they think they are

She changed a plan to collect some stuff?

Once

Annoying yes - but not like you had to go out of your way?

implantreplace · 13/03/2022 13:25

* I said over the phone I would deal with it in a few days once I felt better BTW, I didn't say she's not having her things just that I could not do it yesterday nor today.*

Deal with what?!

Dumping stuff in a bag? Not like a packet of fags…. Her bus pass and charger

diddl · 13/03/2022 13:28

What are the chances that they will ring/knock just to keep the drama going?

Sounds intolerable Op.

Happy birthday for yesterday!

britneyisfree · 13/03/2022 13:32
Thanks