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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shit gift

201 replies

15MinutesOlder · 11/03/2022 21:41

Just had my 50th birthday and my twin brother got me one of these

funblueplaques.co.uk/shop/blue-plaque/

I spent ages to find someone that could recreate a picture taken of us as children and then had it mounted and framed. It was his wife’s 50th a couple of months ago and I went halves with our other brother to get her a nice bracelet. I feel for a milestone birthday he’s got it so wrong, it’s like he doesn’t know me at all.

AIBU?

Should I say something or will the fact that it won’t be mounted anywhere say it all?

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 11/03/2022 22:08

I like it, and I would prefer to get that than a photograph I could already have if I wanted it.

It's fair enough that you don't love it, but I don't see any reason to be all hurt and start doubting he knows you at all. Especially since men are generally not that fussed about framed photographs, so I doubt that was something he dreamed of receiving.

Luredbyapomegranate · 11/03/2022 22:09

It’s ok. I can see he was probably pleased with it.

I’d stick it in the loo/study/cloakroom or somewhere in the garden.

Echobelly · 11/03/2022 22:09

Oh, I got one of those for my dad last year, I thought it was rather nice and thoughtful myself and my parents both thought it was great. I think he has it in his study.

Obviously it's not your cup of tea, but I think calling it 'shit' is a bit harsh, unless he managed to totally get you wrong and describe you as something that you're not at all on it?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 11/03/2022 22:11

Everyone who thinks it’s great, would you put it up and where?

In your front window! Lots of people have them around here - they disproportionately seem to be pattern cutters, but I did see a Sanitary Inspector earlier. I always read them.

Bournetilly · 11/03/2022 22:12

I’m surprised how many people think this is a good gift. YANBU but I personally wouldn’t say anything.

cariadlet · 11/03/2022 22:13

It's not my taste and it's not yours but that doesn't make it a shit present.

He's got something personalised that he thought was unusual and thoughtful.

My mum and younger sister got excited when it was my 50th and got what I considered a load of crap. I would have preferred it if they'd just bought me a paperback by an author I like.

But I knew they'd spent hours together looking at websites for 50th birthday presents. It wasn't there fault that the presents missed the mark.

nocoolnamesleft · 11/03/2022 22:15

The plaque sounds like fun. The recreated photo...terribly naff. You both got something you thought the other one would like. Leave it at that.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 11/03/2022 22:15

I don't understand how anyone thinks that's a good gift, it's just, weird.

Original poster
15MinutesOlder · 11/03/2022 22:15

@Echobelly

Oh, I got one of those for my dad last year, I thought it was rather nice and thoughtful myself and my parents both thought it was great. I think he has it in his study.

Obviously it's not your cup of tea, but I think calling it 'shit' is a bit harsh, unless he managed to totally get you wrong and describe you as something that you're not at all on it?

To be fair @Echobelly the words on it were thoughtful but they are associated with the dead and as I have a degenerative condition it didn’t land well when I opened it. Thankfully he wasn’t present.
OP posts:
Echobelly · 11/03/2022 22:20

Ah, I can see then that's going to seem a tad crass to say the least OP!

DPotter · 11/03/2022 22:20

I think it's a nice gift - I would have taken it in the spirit in which it was given.

Blue plaques aren't just for dead people: there's one on a local pub, marking the evening Paul MaCartney and John Lennon played there - it's been there years

crackersforcrackers · 11/03/2022 22:26

Ooh I like it too! But if you don't like it is he a 'stereotypical man' (eugh) who is usually a terrible gift giver? I find guys are often bad at seeing how a gift would be received.

PriamFarrl · 11/03/2022 22:26

It’s not to my taste but I’d like that I was being thought of. But then your twin brother is hardly likely to forget.

MintJulia · 11/03/2022 22:26

The point is he chose it for you, he obviously put some thought into it and has tried to find something amusing and original. You sound quite rude and ungrateful.

Zonder · 11/03/2022 22:28

I think you're overreacting. It's a really nice personalised idea. I don't expect for a moment he meant anything sinister or even thought about it referring to someone dead.

Anyway I'm going to bookmark the plaque for future gift ideas.

RampantIvy · 11/03/2022 22:28

I'm surprised at the number of posters who like it. I'm not a fan of "useless" gifts. I prefer something I can eat, drink, wear or use. If someone got me a blue plaque it would go in the loft.

LaraDeSalle · 11/03/2022 22:32

It’s not something that I like or would ever appreciate but then neither would I want the kind of gift that you got him!

carefullycourageous · 11/03/2022 22:32

I think you are being very harsh and a touch materialistic.

He bought you a thoughtful present, he is your brother, do you really need more of a fuss from him?

oakleaffy · 11/03/2022 22:33

It's quite inoffensive, but seems a bit strange that they aren't weatherproof?
As a Memorial to a pet, I do like.

As you say, not so much for a living person or animal.

soulinablackberrypie · 11/03/2022 22:34

He would have had to personalise it so it wasn't done without any thought.

Personalised things don't always suggest a lot of thought has gone into them. DS got 18th birthday presents from a relative, personalised with his surname spelt two different ways, neither of them correct. The relative doesn't share the same surname but has been related to people who do for over 60 years!

BoredZelda · 11/03/2022 22:35

He might be posting: For my fiftieth my twin sister got me a shit photo of us recreating a picture when we were young. I look hideous! AIBU to be sad she didn’t spend more money on something nice?

Or “it’s so unimaginative, everyone is doing it”

I just had a birthday. I got some gifts from family that were a bit meh. I’m sure they’ve thought the same about gifts from me at some point. Tis what it is. I’m too old to be bothered by it.

MarmiteCoriander · 11/03/2022 22:35

OP- I too am clearly in the minority here too. Without knowing your brothers finances, I would spend more than £22 on a 50th birthday gift, especially for such a close family member.

My immediate thought was- its a joke gift at how old you are- but he is the same age! Confused

Also the fact they are generally put up AFTER death, it just seems like such an odd, morbid gift. There are so many other personalised things he could buy.

I too wouldn't want my name/DOB or personal details on display on my house, garden or even inside.

Would people honestly display this outside their home with personal details on it???

NumberTheory · 11/03/2022 22:36

I think it's a pretty nice idea but the actual item looks cheap so I'm kind of with you, OP. At the same time, I would be underwhelmed by the photo gift you did for him too.

I think both gifts required some thought and effort (assuming he chose reasonable things to "honour" you for), so getting upset because it's not your cup of tea is pointless. You need to just appreciate that he thinks enough of you to put that effort in and that he has been a good enough brother to you for you to have wanted to put the effort into his photo.

Original poster
15MinutesOlder · 11/03/2022 22:37

@MintJulia

The point is he chose it for you, he obviously put some thought into it and has tried to find something amusing and original. You sound quite rude and ungrateful.
No I’m rude, ungrateful and two faced as I thanked him for the gift then came on here to complain about it. Wink
OP posts:
Nnique · 11/03/2022 22:38

Ugh no I don’t like it and I wouldn’t have appreciated it either...and with the wider context of your condition I can completely understand why you weren’t thrilled!

It’s pretty shit. Some people are really shit at presents. However he obviously thought you’d like it (unless there’s a back story) - As evidenced by this thread, some people actually do. Confused

I hope you can get past it and not feel too bad or too sad.

Flowers