I just been told off by my manager for walking across the office with a sanitary towel in my hand!

[TinLeaf]

This afternoon my manager call me into her office. Apparently, a couple of people have spoken to her because I sometimes walk to the office toilets carrying a sanitary towel and it’s making them uncomfortable. She has suggested I take my bag with me instead.

I thought times had moved on and I refuse to be made to feel ashamed of my period. I think the people who have complained are being ridiculous and need to get over it. Aibu?

@Arabellla

I would send everyone a link to the new ad, where 3 young girls are period-shamed, by their father, brother and male school fellow.

Except the girls in that advert aren't "girls" they are "young people" and the statistics are totally botched because the phrase "young people" allows for boys to menstruate....

What's next? Are you going to actually change your pad in the office? While you're on a conference call? While you're standing next to the water cooler? While you're having a 1:1 with your boss? People are saying women shouldn't be ashamed about having a period and don't seem to be concerned about letting their colleagues know when they're on so where does it stop?
Yes. These are the very clear and logical next steps to carrying a sanitary towel to the loos to change it, without cringing in apology for having a body. You get your muff out in public. OP is on a slippery slope here: one minute it’s using sanpro in the loos, the next she’s smearing menstrual blood on her cheeks like woad and charging through the office bellowing “You can take my life, you can never take my Freedom Sanitary Napkin!”

[quote GalactatingGoddess]@MummyofTw0 Yet, anytime someone goes to the toilet we know they're likely going for a wee/poo. And then we don't give it any more head space than that!

Just like OP going to change her pad/tampon shouldn't be given any more headspace than Oh, a woman who menstruates. Why are these 2 men offended 😂 [/quote]
Sorry @galactatinggoddess but it's totally unnecessary. I wouldnt dream about it. Its very bizarre

@Whatwouldscullydo

So hang on. Op shouldn't have one remotely visible in her hand but also they shouldn't be on.display in a bathroom either.

If they can't be in the bathroom.where should they be

In the communal kitchen by the kettle, next to the teabags (I would do this in the OP's position - and the other women in the office would probably line theirs up next to mine in support... it'd be like the sanitary equivalent of one of those posh tea selections on a breakfast buffet)

I’ve worked for almost 40 years and never seen or done this. As for the PP saying that taking your handbag to the toilet is a sign you’re on your period, bollocks. I am post menopause and still take my bag to the loo to use my hairbrush etc.

I don’t need to know someone is on their period and I’d find this uncomfortable and unprofessional too.

@MummyofTw0

Sorry PP. It is a bit odd you'd carry it across the office. I wouldnt advertise I'm off for a poo. Why can't you put it in your bag or pocket?

If you are talking to me - I don't always have pockets and nothing screams "I'm having a period" like taking a bag to the toilet in an environment where no one takes their bag to the toilet on a daily basis. It's in my hand - can guarantee pretty much no one would notice or care.

Periods are actually talked about where I am. They are not seen as something to be quiet about. Eg feeling rubbish/hormonal/ sore. And that's a good thing. Same as menopause is starting to be talked about more. It is normalising it.

I would just find it quite vulgar. It’s private information that most people would prefer to keep to themselves. Why do you need to let everyone know about it?

I wouldnt advertise I'm off for a poo

You wouldn't need to as there's loo roll there.

But if for some reason you had to bring it in, would you put in in a bag/stuff it up your sleeve for fear of 'advertising' you're off for a poo? I doubt it.

[quote GalactatingGoddess]@MummyofTw0 Yet, anytime someone goes to the toilet we know they're likely going for a wee/poo. And then we don't give it any more head space than that!

Just like OP going to change her pad/tampon shouldn't be given any more headspace than Oh, a woman who menstruates. Why are these 2 men offended 😂 [/quote]
Totally agree.

I would just find it quite vulgar.

😂

Yes lowly women, try not to be so vulgar for the menz

How is holding something small in your hand which will most likely be at least partially hidden by said hand " letting everyone know "

I haven't used disposable items in years but I don't remember them.sending accompanying emails when you use them.

I don’t need to know someone is on their period and I’d find this uncomfortable and unprofessional too.

Why would this make you uncomfortable? At any given time there probably about 15% chance someone is.

however the majority of posters agreeing with OP most likely do not carry their pad across the office
Maybe not but that doesn't matter, they're supporting her right to carry her sanpro in her hand. It's hardly a big ask of society that a woman can choose to carry her sanpro in her hand rather than having to have it in a bag or pocket or up a sleeve. It's hardly indiscreet either, OPs not exactly flashing her sanpro, though I do find the idea of a dress of dangling tampons alluring, I'd love to see that

Exactly this. I used to put my sanpro in a small purse (now I use a menstrual cup) and take to the loo but tbh if I normally go empty handed, and every 3-4 weeks i take a purse I think it would be clear why....so not sure why seeing the packaging of sanpro is massively more offensive...?

And to the people appalled she is "announcing" or "advertising" she's going to change her San pro, this is ridiculous, if it's not verbal and OP is simply walking normally across the room but happens to be holding grotesquely offensive San pro, then it says more about the nosiness of her colleagues than her! Why are they not working?

I dont work in an office but I assume people with either be doing paperwork, at a computer or on the phone. If they are distracted and offended enough to make a complaint at someone walking across a room then I can't imagine their work-rate is very good I'd think this should be more of a problem with the manager than someone going to the toilet.

Why does it make people uncomfortable to know someone else has her period??? I just don't get it at all? Why is having your period something embarrassing?

My daughter came home in tears a few days ago- her towel had fallen out of her bag and some boys were teasing her. I thought by the time people were past 12 years old they would grow up - obviously not.

And how bloody sad that grown women are so conditioned to believe that periods are vulgar, shameful, and need to be hidden.

OP, please please plan a company day out to https://www.vaginamuseum.co.uk

That'll shut them all up

I’ve read lots but not all of the replies and my view is YANU.

I am personally discreet (as are a few others on here), however it is completely personal choice and you are completely within your rights to carry sanitary products to the toilet. No one should be offended by periods (or other normal bodily issues). Women shouldn’t have to feel ashamed or hide anything to do with periods. If they want to be discreet that’s fine too. Your manager should have told the men (or other complainers) not to be so ridiculous.

The vulgar! Unprofessional! Bad manners! Be private! posters might be appalled to know that not only do my colleagues (male and female, bosses and underlings) know exactly when I’m on my period, my cycle is on the office calendar so we can plan my meetings and major work days around my menstrual migraines, to ensure my hormones don’t impact delivery deadlines and, more importantly, delivery deadlines don’t impact ME.

And I’ve seen a few job adverts recently that offer a monthly period day off, in addition to holiday and sick leave, as one of the benefits. No hope of hiding the crimson wave then.

Once you start letting go of the cervix-clenching “women on their monthlies must be shunned!” mentality, you not only see what a non-issue carrying unused, wrapped sanpro to the loo is, but you can ascend to the next level and acknowledge that cyclical hormones can impact work, mood and energy, but instead of that being seen as a negative, it’s bloody useful to be aware of because then you can plan around it.

My DD(15) is on her period at the moment. She asked DH to get some sanpro while he was out shopping, yesterday. He came home and put them on the kitchen table and asked if they were the right sort (they weren't 🤣) everyone saw them. They were just part of shopping. Should DH and DS have felt offended?

@allupsidedown

We had a manager who asked during a refurbishment if a bin for sanitary products was actually necessary. Could we not just wait and change them at home?

WTAF? Surely not? (Sorry, don't mean to imply you're being economical with the truth, @allupsidedown, it's just hard to believe. Mind you, I'm reminded of when my daughter was at school (we live abroad), I had to mention to the administration that sanitary product dispensers and bins would be useful in the girls' loos, it just hadn't occurred to them.)

There are many ways you could be discreet and conceal it, it's not about being ashamed of having a period but displaying intimate products that should belong in the loo in an environment where people are trying to work

Intimate products? It's just a bit of cotton wool. They're in the shops, on normal shelves and everything. People seem to cope with seeing them there, what's so monstrous about having them in your hand on the way to the bathroom?

I find it very strange that in this day & age 2 grown men would be distressed by the mere glimpse of a sanitary towel.

Even stranger that they then both abandoned their embarrassment over matters monthly in order to talk about it with a female manager.

And strangest of all is the manager formally raising the issue rather than telling them not to be silly buggers.

What a very odd workplace!

@Fizbosshoes

My DD(15) is on her period at the moment. She asked DH to get some sanpro while he was out shopping, yesterday. He came home and put them on the kitchen table and asked if they were the right sort (they weren't 🤣) everyone saw them. They were just part of shopping. Should DH and DS have felt offended?

My mum used to keep sanpro on display in the bathroom while my sister and I lived at home (she has no need for it). Made it easily available to friends who needed it with no need to ask.

It’s just standard stuff. Nothing exciting. No one should feel any weirder about buying it or carrying it than they do about all the other utterly mundane stuff in life.

There are many ways you could be discreet and conceal it, it's not about being ashamed of having a period but displaying intimate products that should belong in the loo in an environment where people are trying to work

But how is a sanitary item stopping them from working? I hope they don't sit near a window, they'd be distracted the whole day. And got forbid a bird pooed on the window!

[quote Pookie6521]@Shehasadiamondinthesky

It's not professional? Are you having a laugh?
And what personal hygiene items do men carry?
There's absolutely NO reason she can't carry it across the office in her hand!!!
Comparing someone peeling their top off to someone being on their period is ridiculous and you are basically shaming your own gender and have very warped views.[/quote]
People have no idea how to behave now whatsoever. This is a professional environment and you do not carry personal hygiene items about in a professional environment. We don't even do this in the NHS.
Its not about being ashamed of periods, it's about professionalism, something you clearly know nothing about.
Colleagues do not want to see your sanitary pads, loo rolls, toothbrushes, toothpaste or anything like that.
Put them in a bag or your pocket like every other normal person.
Neither do colleagues want to hear about your bad marriage, your kids, your problems or twinkly, sparkly things and personal photos stuck onto your computer.
This is work.

Exactly what is not professional about having a period?

And we wonder why we still don't have equality in the work place??!