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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I just been told off by my manager for walking across the office with a sanitary towel in my hand!

999 replies

TinLeaf · 11/03/2022 17:25

This afternoon my manager call me into her office. Apparently, a couple of people have spoken to her because I sometimes walk to the office toilets carrying a sanitary towel and it’s making them uncomfortable. She has suggested I take my bag with me instead.

I thought times had moved on and I refuse to be made to feel ashamed of my period. I think the people who have complained are being ridiculous and need to get over it. Aibu?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
18
YellowBoaty · 12/03/2022 01:02

Wow.

When I was diagnosed with endometrosis I did a whole presentation to my team about it. It was an open talk about periods and endometrosis. The male members of my team reacted very well to it and asked a lot of questions. I now actively walk round the office with a hot water bottle and no one bats an eyelid. Can't imagine your colleagues or manager would like me very much OP.

Some of the comments on this thread are just shocking. I can't believe some people are branding a woman who walks to a toilet with an unused sanpro in their hand unprofessional, lacking decorum etc. Or comparing it to a man having a wank at work and carrying a condom to the toilet with him. Open your misogynistic minds a bit. The way you've been brought up to view periods is wrong and harmful towards other women.

shiningcuckoo · 12/03/2022 01:08

Ridiculous. I remember in the 90s tucking pads and tampons in my sleeve to go to the loo at work. Whilst a male colleague used to disappear to the loo at 1.30 everyday for half an hour with the paper under his arm. And come out and loudly announce "I wouldn't go in there for a while"

Norgie · 12/03/2022 01:15

@SpringIsSprung1 Same.

VaizyCrazyDaizy · 12/03/2022 01:31

I’d probably react by walking across the room the next day with a huge dildo……..

ArchibaldsDaddy · 12/03/2022 01:37

What on Earth? How can this be a problem?

What decade are we all living in??

The fact that it’s another woman that’s got hold of you for this is just beyond!

ThinWomansBrain · 12/03/2022 01:53

maybe the complaint isnt mysogynistic, but someone is concerned that you're being transphobic in flaunting your periods and making any women without uterus (uteri?) feel uncomfortable (shock)

avamiah · 12/03/2022 01:54

My daughter started her period a couple of months ago, she is 12 and it was no big thing as we had talked openly about it and she was prepared as we had bought so many different pads, tampons and even period knickers.lol

Then she asked me to buy her a little bag to put her pads in and said that just because she was on her period the whole class didn’t need to know.

I think this says it all .

EatSleepReplete · 12/03/2022 01:55

I'd respond to their complaints, with a counter complaint, that you've been made to feel ashamed of a normal female bodily function & that they invaded your privacy. That you don't have pockets (it's difficult to get work clothing with pockets) & that by suggesting you hide it in a bag they are essentially body shaming you (and all women) for being female & having periods. Because of course men shouldn't have to see a piece of clean absorbent material in a packet, how will they cope.

avamiah · 12/03/2022 02:16

@EatSleepReplete

I'd respond to their complaints, with a counter complaint, that you've been made to feel ashamed of a normal female bodily function & that they invaded your privacy. That you don't have pockets (it's difficult to get work clothing with pockets) & that by suggesting you hide it in a bag they are essentially body shaming you (and all women) for being female & having periods. Because of course men shouldn't have to see a piece of clean absorbent material in a packet, how will they cope.
But there is nothing wrong with going to bathroom with a little bag.

I have my lipstick, tooth floss, concealer, vaseline, spot cream, paracetamol and tampons in mine.
As well as carrying my phone.

SpikeySmooth · 12/03/2022 02:23

Sanpro is provided to my DD free of charge in the school toilets if she needs it. Is that something OPs workplace could bring in? I assume using the toilet paper is gratis, after all.

I'm on the POP so no periods at present but when I did have them I'm ashamed to say I hid them Blush. I grew up in the 80s, and we didn't talk about all that in my family. My mum was embarrassed about it all, never explained what the brightly coloured things in the cabinet were. It's probably a hangover from all that.

TheKeatingFive · 12/03/2022 02:32

I think it might be worthwhile to be mindful of where this could lead.

Where?

Justilou1 · 12/03/2022 02:44

I bet if you were trans they wouldn’t have said anything…. (And yes, they do carry San pro to the loo and send interoffice emails demanding free sanpro for “Us Women”)

Walkingalot · 12/03/2022 03:39

It must have been one of the big canoe sized ones that she couldn't discreetly conceal in her hand. Why would you want to advertise it, just why? Yes, women have periods but most discreetly go about their business because it's personal. I don't want or need to know what other people are going to the bathroom for.

CJsGoldfish · 12/03/2022 03:48

Taking a sanitary towel to the loo should be like taking an aspirin because you've got a headache
Well, I probably wouldn't make a production out of taking an aspirin either 🤷‍♀️
I don't feel an ounce of 'shame' in having a period, nor is it a 'shameful' topic in my home to be whispered about only in the company of women. But I still wouldn't carry my sanpro in a way that advertises that I have my period. I've actually never seen anyone who does in my 30+ years of office experience.

If this actually did happen, I would simply ignore and carry on and address it if the same thing happened again.
If it didn't happen, well we got a gazillion pages of frothing and footstomping to amuse us for a while.

I bet if you were trans they wouldn’t have said anything….
Why do I feel like a BINGO! is in order here 🤔

avamiah · 12/03/2022 04:00

@Walkingalot

It must have been one of the big canoe sized ones that she couldn't discreetly conceal in her hand. Why would you want to advertise it, just why? Yes, women have periods but most discreetly go about their business because it's personal. I don't want or need to know what other people are going to the bathroom for.
Totally agree and this is what my 12 year old said to me and why she wanted a little purse to put her pads in .

Let’s be honest here , there is No Reason why anybody would want to carry a pad or tampon in their hand whilst on their way to the loo and especially in a office .

Do we leave a pack of paracetamol on our desk or carry it to the bathroom so everybody can see?
No, why would you .

sashh · 12/03/2022 04:20

Write to HR or your manager and copy HR in.

Suggest they buy a book about pubity for the men and a selection of san pro so they can understand the reasons for san pro, look at it, touch it, become less afraid of it.

Also point out that you can see the outline of the men's genitals which is much more inappropriate.

BigPantsLittlePants · 12/03/2022 04:29

I was at an all girls boarding school for 7 yrs, I've worked in a female dominated industry for 20 yrs and I've never seen anyone carrying a sanitary towel to the toilet.

I'm really torn on this one, I don't really want to know when my colleagues are having their period but would I complain if I saw them carrying a sanitary towel - not in a million years. Would I defend their right to carry a sanitary product in their hand - absolutely. Am I going to start walking around with sanitary products in my hand - nope. I don't really know why, I'm not ashamed of having periods, I just feel what my uterus is up to at any given time is my business and mine alone.

A really interesting thread, made me think about my own actions!

EBearhug · 12/03/2022 06:34

I've never seen anyone carrying a sanitary towel to the toilet.

That doesn't mean it's never happened. It might just mean you ever noticed, because holding a towel or tampon in your hand, will often not be very noticeable.

Maverickess · 12/03/2022 06:41

Why is it that by carrying something small in your hand is seen as 'flaunting, advertising, wafting around, displaying' because it's used for menstruation, and therefore unprofessional, uncouth, making a point and therefore wrong.

Yet watching a colleague so closely that you can see and further identify the small item in their hand, so much so that complaining about it is needed, is absolutely fine? Especially when you're supposed to be working?
Why are they feeling the need to observe other members of staff closely enough to identify what's in their hand and then decide if it's something they think shouldn't be seen?

Velvetteddy93 · 12/03/2022 06:43

Sorry OP, others may not agree but I would be mortified to do so in a professional environment and I would cringe at anybody who did the same in my office- (this would go for a man carrying loo roll too)-it is just unsightly and inappropriate in a work environment. There are many ways you could be discreet and conceal it, it's not about being ashamed of having a period but displaying intimate products that should belong in the loo in an environment where people are trying to work. Nobody needs to know what you are going to the loo to do as it's private and I'm not sure why you would either? It just doesn't look sophisticated and professional-sorry!

expat101 · 12/03/2022 06:49

I still think the company should provide suitable Cabinets for employees to store their personal items. Same as anyone who requires bladder control/napkins if they are undergoing treatments such as bladder/bowel cancer.

Employees should not feel judged if they need to retire to the bathroom to adjust personal hygiene. It doesn’t have to be just for women and their monthly ? hygiene needs.

OrianaBanana · 12/03/2022 07:02

I don't feel an ounce of 'shame' in having a period, nor is it a 'shameful' topic in my home to be whispered about only in the company of women.

And yet, you feel someone walking to the loo with a small packet is ‘advertising’ and ‘making a production out of’ their period. Why is that?

At my work we don’t tend to stare at what people walking anywhere are carrying, I don’t really register it unless they’re coming to talk to me.

KTheGrey · 12/03/2022 07:04

Interested to know if this is a prima facie case of discrimination per Equality Act 2010.

Lockeddownagain · 12/03/2022 07:06

I'd be asking the manager for HR contact and telling her you will be putting in a complaint

KatherineJaneway · 12/03/2022 07:16

@Velvetteddy93

Sorry OP, others may not agree but I would be mortified to do so in a professional environment and I would cringe at anybody who did the same in my office- (this would go for a man carrying loo roll too)-it is just unsightly and inappropriate in a work environment. There are many ways you could be discreet and conceal it, it's not about being ashamed of having a period but displaying intimate products that should belong in the loo in an environment where people are trying to work. Nobody needs to know what you are going to the loo to do as it's private and I'm not sure why you would either? It just doesn't look sophisticated and professional-sorry!
Agree with this