To not fit in because I'm working class

[Shadowmallow]

I'm from a working class background and I grew up with little money. I did very well academically and managed to go to a top uni and get a good degree, despite not feeling like I belonged. I've worked hard for 15 years to establish my career in a competitive industry with no financial support, which has resulted in a lot of stress and debt over the years.

I work in an industry that's generally full of wealthy, middle class people who dont seem to have any anxieties about life or financial limits (despite the salaries not being that much). I've recently started a new job and feel really out of place, like I do at every job. My colleagues have very different lifestyles and conversation topics to me. Eg. House renovations, skiing holidays, private schooling, second homes in Europe. I'm 36 and 'still' rent a small flat with a friend, which seems to surprise and provoke pity amongst my colleagues. Most had property bought for them/got deposits from their parents years ago and speak like this is standard practice. I rarely go on holidays and don't have any expensive hobbies as I've been trying to save for a house deposit for many years.

To get to this point in my career I've really struggled financially and mentally and I'm pretty tired. I dont feel like im seen on the same page as everyone else at work and think it also affects my career progression. I just wonder if I can ever belong here.

^ hear, hear!

You are not working class , your parents were but you didn’t choose to be and you have created a new life for your self

interesting post

tbf I was brought up lower middle class and didn’t have houses etc passed to me on a plate. Also didn’t have those important family/friends connections. My dad never earned large money but did earn a little more than average.

however, I am now pretty successful (of my own making / altho I wouldn’t fit in your workplace as I have zero interest in skiing or horse riding!) and I have made lots of connections over the years and got a big network. So much so, that I know 100% That i have the connections to help my son be successful after he finishes uni (studying journalism) - I got him an outstanding internship this summer through someone I know and he will spend 3 months next summer in Dubai doing an internship at the media company my brother is an MD of.

my younger son, altho only 17, will also have similar opportunities simply cos of the network I have. I understand totally that this may give them a perceived unfair advantage…. But if I can build my network myself from nothing, then anyone can, honestly.

now, what I’m trying to say is that yes it’s very real that network and connections are a big factor in potentially helping young people in their careers and that can be a disadvantage to those who don’t have it. But Its also important to know that you can grow those connections yourself as I didn’t have any of that myself when I started my career. I went to loads of industry events, heavily involved in linekdin, I socialised with colleagues (not skiing or horse riding!), I threw myself into all of that over the years. And I’m glad I did as it means I now can call upon my network to maybe help my kids with their development

oh and I never had a partner to do any of this with so It’s not like I had a helping hand from that perspective either

Good for you Sellie. I always call helping your children, feeding them well, telling them bed time stories, cuddling them, picking good schools, helping them with career choices - love, rather than some kind of nasty privilege. Our primary moral duty is to our children and others come after that.

(I liked skiing and to an extent riding because of Enid Blyton and also the Chalet school books as a child from the library, rather than from privilege! So when I took us all skiing when I was in my 20s and then my daughter asked for riding lessons it was probably more because of my childhood reading and how fun it all sounded rather than an attempt to create some kind of cultural capital.....)

Hey I'm not a mum or anything or female just seen your post , what your talking about is called imposter syndrome , it's common trust me your work colleagues would experience it if they was moving in upper class circles , you have every right to be in your career , academics is not about fitting in ,if you fit in your not going to shine , be polite and kind if it's warranted and stand your ground when its not, make a difference the in crowd is not the place for that regardless of class cast ,dream big and aim high and be true to yourself.stop comparing yourself and show them with your work of your worth you have a duty as a working class gal to prove a point it will pave ways for future generations of working class people being competent and professional in academic professions , sounds like they are more interested in talking about what they have or doing , boring as paint drying .go get em girl . you are exactly where you belong .

I really understand how you feel OP. Unless you have been in this situation it’s difficult to comprehend the challenges. DH and I are state educated from two socially and economically deprived towns. He grew up in poverty. I didn’t but I still had a working-class experience growing up. We both went to university and entered very middle-class competitive industries. We’ve succeeded financially and in terms of awards and being recognised as leaders in our fields. So much however is fuelled by our fears of not having a financial safety net and having to be twice as good as our colleagues just to get to the same point.

Zombie thread.

Just reading this thread now - 18 months too late! I feel lots of posters don’t really get it.
It’s not so much the financial aspects - it’s knowing things like how to network, get promotions, chair meeting, having the confidence to speak to senior leaders and the confidence to take risks. Ultimately it’s about knowing where to direct your energies to get ahead. You can learn this stuff yourself , model it to your kids and make life easier for the next generation but it takes time and colleagues who have seen all this modelled by parents as they grow up are at an advantage.