To think Mothers’ Day opt-out e-mails are triggering in themselves?

[HelloKittyGirl]

I mean, they are asking you to think about Mother’s’ Day, aren’t they? And to make a decision about it.

How is that really any better than the emails they’re saying they want you to be able to avoid?

I don't think it is a terrible solution, it would be nice to do it slightly out of cycle, eg not so close to the event, but at least it is a one off and shouldn't need to be completed by retailer

The only other solution would be some sort of coordinated central database which recorded marketing preferences by event which all businesses need to observe, which would be unworkable without major change in regulation and a funded body to try and administer the thing

I think it's a nice gesture - one email checking you're okay with marketing is far better than repeated emails. It's not really as simple as looking within to see why it triggers you - both of my parents are dead, one recently and I don't need or want reminders of what I could buy them I find it quite odd that a grown adult can't understand people are triggered because they are grieving & that it's suggested they 'look within themselves' I can look inward all I like but regardless, my parents are still both dead.

@Furmummy

As one who has struggled with Mother’s Day after death of my mum, I was quite pleased as took it as the companies recognising it’s a tough day for some people and not to add to the upset 🤷‍♀️

I agree. Obviously it’s just an email, but it’s sometimes less isolating when it’s acknowledged that these days can be tough.

But I can also see what people are saying when it just feels like more emails about Mother’s Day to deal with.

Just to anyone who struggles with this day really.

Yes I thought this myself, I find those emails more upsetting than actual emails about Mothers day, they are constantly arriving in my inbox

What I found really frustrating recently was that after clicking opt out I had to go through three different screens also mentioning Mother’s Day to complete the opt out. If I’d been feeling really sensitive about it I imagine I would have felt much worse by the end of the process. Clearly just virtue signalling by the company and not a genuine attempt to be sensitive.

They’re not really opt out emails though IMO. They’re actually promoting those that don’t want/need to opt out into buying a gift. It’s a covert marketing email.

My mother is gone and I am childless not through choice, so I am definitely the target audience so to speak.

I don’t think I had seen the opt out emails until last year and I thought it was a nice thing for them to do and appreciated it. Trouble is I am sure one of them has asked me again this year, I would have liked to have been opted out for good, not just for a year. I might be misremembering on that but I have taken note for next year as I definitely have had a few new ones this year.

If they really want to help and are not just paying lip service, then it would be better if they did it off cycle, they actually reminded me of something I had not thought about. But overall, I see it as a good thing and if I can reduce some of the bombardment then that is good.

Telling people to fuck off because they don't agree is a bit much

I thought the exact same when one of these popped up in my emails OP. They were always easy enough to ignore anyway. Now it’s a load of stuff to engage with and manage

Yes OP, I thought the same.

I agree, both my parents are dead and I just delete generic mothers/fathers day emails without a second thought. These type really, really get to me though, I find them far more intrusive.
A lot of people find them helpful though, so I just delete them while feeling a bit irritated.

@Momicrone I also don't agree with the OP as I do prefer to recieve those emails, however I managed to say it politely and put my point across without telling a group of people that if they can't handle it then they should 'look inward' and insinuate there is clearly something wrong with them. Fine to have those feelings, really strange and potentially cruel to voice them on a thread where people are obviously struggling with the day.

I really appreciate them actually.
I don't have any issue with knowing it's Mothers day. It's actually helpful because I usually buy my MIL flowers.
What I prefer is not to receive a load of emails with suggestions about how I can treat my Mum and how wonderful she is etc. That's what really hurts - because as much as I'd love to, she isn't here and I can't. It's like rubbing salt into the wound.

The email asking me, makes me feel better because it acknowledges that mothers day isn't happy for everyone, it's perfectly normal to not want to hear about it and it assures me I'm not going to receive something that is going to upset me.

I prefer it, personally. Even though I have to opt out (in some cases every year) of a dozen or so emails. The emails are functional and totally unlike the product-pushing whimsyfest that they send if you don’t opt out.

I got my first one of these emails yesterday. Do they do it for Fathers Day as well?

No @Momicrone I did NOT tell maddening to fuck off because they disagreed with me. I told them to fuck off because they waded into a sensitive thread about bereavement and told us all, in an extremely sanctimonious manner, that we should all get over ourselves and stop making such a fuss.

Their post wasn't even about the particular topic of the thread. Just a blanket 'deal with your own shit, weaklings'.

Even having to type that, to you, makes me angry again.

They really can FFOTTFSOFATFOSM.

They’re shit advertising- look how nice we are! As if bamboo socks would be on anyone’s Mother’s Day radar anyway

The posts actually disagreeing with me, I find interesting, it's such a personal thing and I'm interested to see different perspectives.

I'd like to thank OP for raising this topic, which addresses one of those things that I'd noticed and had half a thought about but would never have raised with anyone in real life. She's articulated it for me and done so in a place where those of us who do have a particular interest can come together and discuss it, in a way we never would or could have done pre-internet.

@Juno22

I think they're fine. One email and I opt out and don't get any more. Better than being bombarded with emails in the weeks before Mothers Day.

Companies can't win. They're trying to offer customers the option. Someone will always be triggered by something. You can always opt out of all of their emails.

And you can't easily avoid all mention of Mother's Day. It's everywhere at the moment, which is understandable. All you can do is minimise your exposure to it.

This.

Honestly op what is your solution to this? If you ask all companies to stop sending this stuff for mothers day, fathers day, Christmas etc you'll have more people complaining that they weren't reminded.

If you do a bi-annual option email, you could trigger people who just lost a parent that day or day before, as advised above.

What is the actual solution here? Honestly as someone else said, if that kind of thing upsets someone that much maybe they do need help. That's not a bad thing you know, grief affects us all differently. Some get through it relatively easily, others don't and they need more help accepting it. That's fine. You cannot turn the world off just for your problem though.

Companies are never going to be genuinely sympathetic by the way. They want your money, that's all they care about. They survive because of money, not sympathy. And you'll be waiting a very long time if you want that to change. They'll never genuinely care.

@ScrumptiousBears

I got my first one of these emails yesterday. Do they do it for Fathers Day as well?

IME yes

I think companies are damned if they do and damned if they don't. It never used to be considered that it might be hard for some and a lot of the emails I have asked about opting out were several weeks ago so not really sure what companies are expected to do.

One solution is less email advertising in general. I've unsubscribed from a lot of companies because their deluge of emails is overwhelming. Were that not the case, there'd be less of a case for asking whether people want to opt out of specific elements.

If you don’t want consumer emails, don’t subscribe.

People do just want to moan about everything. And I have lost a parent at a young age.

I disagree (and I'm NC with my mum). I prefer just the one email as otherwise I'll get absolutely tons from each company I'm subscribed to. I subscribe to a lot of companies and would much prefer to deal with it once each than to have to be deleting loads of emails in the run-up.

I have actually considered unsubscribing from companies that don't offer the opt-out as I'm really noticing a difference in the amount of emails and how it makes me feel.

But everyone's experience is different, this is such a hard thing to deal with and I wanted to offer you in any case. You're not wrong for how you feel.

YABU @HelloKittyGirl