to want a dog despite working full time and living in a flat?

[goodforyounoonecares]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 12 years. We’re 30, have just bought a flat in London and we’ll have a very inexpensive wedding soon. I’ve always wanted a dog. He’s grown up with dogs and loves them too but obviously has more experience in having one as a pet.

I really feel that a dog will significantly improve my mental wellbeing. I am aware of the stress dog ownership can bring, esp in the puppy period and I know it’s a huge responsibility.

I work 3 days a week from 8am to 7pm and one in four Saturdays. My partner works normal days, nights, weekends and long days (8am to 10pm) in equal sharing. Obviously the dog will need to go to daycare.

My partner is strongly against us getting a dog because he thinks it’s not fair to have them in day care half the week as they may be neglected by the day care owners/other dogs and that a dog should be given 100% undivided attention by their owner. He also thinks is not fair to raise a dog in a flat.

We can easily afford a dog. He thinks I’m desperate for a dog as I’m very broody which is partially true although I’ve wanted a dog long before I’ve been thinking about having our own family. We can’t TTC until we’re mid 30s for a multitude of reasons.

[quote goodforyounoonecares]@MurmuratingStarling What’s your point? Why are you so defensive about a part of London?[/quote]
Why are you so RUDE about it?

Well you are rather rude. I do have children one attends nursery.
So I don’t see why it would be so unacceptable to have help for caring for a pet while Their owner works provided the owner is sure the care is of a good standard.

I know many people who use dog walkers and other sources of care for their dogs and it doesn’t seem to cause them any issues.

As stated I recognise the other issues that the op may face.
But I really do not know why if someone is prepared to pay for care for their dog when they are at work, and they can make sure that care is of a good standard, why it should be a complete barrier.

A good breeder won’t sell you one of their pups anyway living in a flat.

I have 2 dogs. 1 is an 18 week old puppy.
I live in a house with a decent sized garden.
I dont work. It is still incredibly hard work.
Absolutely knackering to be honest. I couldn't cope if I lived in a flat and couldn't just let the puppy out into the garden. Also some dogs are barkers. You run the risk of causing friction with your neighbours if the dog barks alot. There is alot to consider here. Many people live happily in flats with dogs but they are usually small breeds.
There are many bad doggy daycare places around and there are many very good ones.
Lots of people successfully use doggy daycare. They wouldn't be able to go to work if they didn't. Not all dog owners are retired folk or people wfh.

@Glitterbells
Totally agree with you re dogs/doggy-day-care and babies/nursery/childminder. It would be helpful if @MurmuratingStarling could come back and explain to us why it's worse.

@Glitterbells

Well you are rather rude. I do have children one attends nursery. So I don’t see why it would be so unacceptable to have help for caring for a pet while Their owner works provided the owner is sure the care is of a good standard.

I know many people who use dog walkers and other sources of care for their dogs and it doesn’t seem to cause them any issues.

As stated I recognise the other issues that the op may face.
But I really do not know why if someone is prepared to pay for care for their dog when they are at work, and they can make sure that care is of a good standard, why it should be a complete barrier.

You LITERALLY said what's the difference between a child and a dog?

I'm speechless.

If you don't know this, I can't help you I'm afraid.

Absolutely no way. Very selfish

[quote Billandben444]@Glitterbells
Totally agree with you re dogs/doggy-day-care and babies/nursery/childminder. It would be helpful if @MurmuratingStarling could come back and explain to us why it's worse.[/quote]
Same message to you. I can't help you if you don't know the difference between a child and a dog.

Hell would freeze over before I let anyone other than myself and my parents be responsible for my dog for even an hour. There is no way they would go to day care!

Leaving them at the groomers is bad enough.

I don't think you have any idea what having a dog is like. It's like looking after a toddler.

@givethatbabyaname You can't assume daycare will be right for them. The daycare won't take them if they aren't good with other dogs and millions of other reasons. They aren't as accommodating as nurseries for kids.
Also, no way they run those hours. Dogs left alone for too long don't do well. A house destroyed and full of shit would probably be the result. Even if you don't care about the dogs emotional needs, practically it doesn't work. A dog walker once a day wouldn't cut it either, given the length of time away.
I think you can definitely have a dog in a flat though, so long as you're able to take them out to the toilet easily enough and you consider the space and size /breed of dog.

@halfsiesonapotnoodle

No to a dog but definitely have 2 or 3 indoor guinea pigs. They are absolutely brilliant.

That actually sounds like a really good idea

Your husband is 100% correct.

You are being incredibly selfish. Please do not inflict this on a dog.

@Snoozer11

Hell would freeze over before I let anyone other than myself and my parents be responsible for my dog for even an hour. There is no way they would go to day care!

Leaving them at the groomers is bad enough.

I don't think you have any idea what having a dog is like. It's like looking after a toddler.

And this ^

Totally agree.

Murmuratingstarling all you do is make rude assumptions and statements.
I don’t have a child - wrong
I should never have a dog - who are you to say?
I don’t know the difference between a dog and a child - I didn’t say this at all.

I’m well aware of the differences between a dog and a child thank you.
Ans given that human brain development is far more intricate than a dogs, I simply don’t understand how if a child can thrive being cared for by people other than their parents and there is no concerns raised about the use of a nursery, why anyone would find it so shocking to pay for help to care for a dog?

You don’t explain your point of view at all. You just rant on and make assumptions about other people who have simply asked a question.
I am genuinely curious, if there is someone who holds the view that paying for dog care is totally a no go, why is that?

I’m not being rude. No need to be rude back to me though. It’s just a very genuine question. If you want to rant and rave and not explain yourself like murmurating then don’t bother.

In my opinion you can’t have a dog without a garden, that would be very unfair on the do. It needs to be able to explore outside, not just on walks. My dog spend many a contented hours just laying out in the sun.

It depends on the dog. They are not babies, I think mumsnet go OTT about how needy they are. Mine sleeps a fair bit, has never really had a 'routine " as such, is left home alone while I work ( not every day) and for periods during other days and is happy to go to anyone. As long as he's fed, fussed and gets his walk (highlight of the day) he's happy. Oh and toilet training and sleeping through the night as a puppy was straightforward too Your biggest problem is that your bf doesn't want one so the answer for now has to be no

We got our dog when we lived in a flat. It was fine. A few nights of taking them downstairs to pee and he was house trained. Your long work days are more of an issue. We got a walker once a day when we weren’t around, and it all worked out fine. The silly mutt is extremely well adjusted / socialised, and spoilt rotten. He has a garden but isn’t in the slightest bothered about it. I don’t think it sounds like you’re quite ready for the commitment of a dog yet, but being in a flat isn’t necessarily an issue - just don’t get an unsuitable breed. Longdogs are ideal for city living - they don’t need tons of exercise, they are extremely lazy and spend 90% of their time asleep. Spaniels, akitas, those silly fluffy yappy things, huskies etc are all terrible ideas for city / flat dogs, so do your homework.

No, people do have dogs with similar work commitments but it simply isn't fair, just wait a few years and see if your situation allows you to then. The guilt will stick with you all day every day when you go out to work.

Yes YABU but maybe rethink the whole not being able to try to get pregnant until your mid-thirties unless for very sound reasons. Your risk of miscarriage goes up a bit (gradually at first, then more significantly after 35 and more so from 40) so I would be thinking about that rather than getting a dog.

@RedHelenB I agree mumsnet is a bit crazy about dogs. Mine just chills and chews most of the day. He is never left alone for more than a couple of hours but he’s fine! I have stopped going on the doghouse as found the advice quite counter-productive.

Nevertheless, agree with others, the hours the OP works are too long for a dog.

No, I'm afraid. It's not about the money to afford a dog. It's about being time & house/garden/amenity rich to give them the home they deserve. Not to mention the suggestion of taking on a puppy, which need 24/7 care for weeks & months!!!

You need a cat.

Taking 6 months off unpaid to look after a dog is probably the most bonkers thing I have read here OP esp if you're putting off TTC due to career reasons!

I really think you should consider volunteering with a dog charity or something to get it out of your system.

Several colleagues and neighbours I know send their dogs to doggy daycare ,so as long as you recognise that on the days you are out for more than a few hours you will need to arrange care , walks etc for them then i think it's probably OK.
The only thing that makes me pause is that you live in a flat so if they need a wee it's a pita, also perhaps more chance of disturbing neighbours with barking. Ime as a dog owner as long as they get loads of exercise( 90 min of walks, can be split into 2 ) they are also happy to sleep or chill for most of the day but do like company even when chilling so a dog sitter is ideal if no ones at home.
Just research your breed.

Some absolutely bonkers posters on this thread!
As a poster pointed out people send their precious children to nursery 5 days a week while they work yet sending a dog to doggy daycare 3 times a week is apparently actually evil!!!