to want a dog despite working full time and living in a flat?

[goodforyounoonecares]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 12 years. We’re 30, have just bought a flat in London and we’ll have a very inexpensive wedding soon. I’ve always wanted a dog. He’s grown up with dogs and loves them too but obviously has more experience in having one as a pet.

I really feel that a dog will significantly improve my mental wellbeing. I am aware of the stress dog ownership can bring, esp in the puppy period and I know it’s a huge responsibility.

I work 3 days a week from 8am to 7pm and one in four Saturdays. My partner works normal days, nights, weekends and long days (8am to 10pm) in equal sharing. Obviously the dog will need to go to daycare.

My partner is strongly against us getting a dog because he thinks it’s not fair to have them in day care half the week as they may be neglected by the day care owners/other dogs and that a dog should be given 100% undivided attention by their owner. He also thinks is not fair to raise a dog in a flat.

We can easily afford a dog. He thinks I’m desperate for a dog as I’m very broody which is partially true although I’ve wanted a dog long before I’ve been thinking about having our own family. We can’t TTC until we’re mid 30s for a multitude of reasons.

Nope

We live in a flat with a dog BUT its a ground floor flat with a garden. It's not insurmountable in an upstairs flat but more difficult having to take them out to do their business especially when you're house training them and you'll have more accidents.

My husband is retired so we didn't have the issue of daycare, we put getting her off till that point.

But the biggest issue is that he's not keen. To be responsible owners, both of you need to be 100% committed. Anything less and it won't work.

I lost my dog a year ago and felt lost without her. My circumstances have changed a lot and having a dog now would be selfish. I missed having her in my lilfe so now walk one for a lady that is unable to walk hers. Look into the Cinnamon Trust. You walk dogs for the terminally ill and elderly so they can keep their companion with them. It is the best thing I have ever done.

I wouldn't get a dog whilst working those hours or living in a flat.
I work with dogs and there are many that don't enjoy day care. You can't rely on it as one of your main options.

No, definitely not.

I reckon you live near me in East London. Place is heaving with childless beanie wearing millennials holding a latte and towing a badly behaved dog round with them.

I got my first dog many years ago when I was younger and more selfish.
He was either alone while I worked or I stuck him in a daycare which he didn’t like.
He’s 12 now and I regret treating him like that. I work part time and would never ever let someone other than myself or immediate family look after my dog unless it was a one to one setting without other dogs.

If you watch most daycare settings the dogs look uncomfortable. Lots of dog reactivity is caused by bad interactions by people who haven’t a clue what they are doing.

There’s also the issue of being in a flat, while it does work for people it seems like it would be so hard. I let my dogs out a stupid amount of times a day and in the summer they spend most of the day outside sunbathing by choice. I’m not sure how fair it is to not allow them free outside access but that’s just me!

@Howeverdoyouneedme

I reckon you live near me in East London. Place is heaving with childless beanie wearing millennials holding a latte and towing a badly behaved dog round with them.

You’d never see me in East London to sight see let alone actually live there.

@goodforyounoonecares

I can understand that it’s not ideal, but is day care for 3 days a week that bad for a dog? What’s the point in day care then?

We can afford a dog and daycare. We are not able to TTC due to career restraints and we want to get married first. Boyfriend doesn’t feel “ready” either so there’s that.

Firstly it's a flat, upstairs or down stairs and do you have a garden ?

@Spidey66

We live in a flat with a dog BUT its a ground floor flat with a garden. It's not insurmountable in an upstairs flat but more difficult having to take them out to do their business especially when you're house training them and you'll have more accidents.

My husband is retired so we didn't have the issue of daycare, we put getting her off till that point.

But the biggest issue is that he's not keen. To be responsible owners, both of you need to be 100% committed. Anything less and it won't work.

I understand. We’ll just wait until we’re retired. My boyfriend thinks that no one should EVER own a dog unless they are with them 24/7 which I feel is quite unrealistic but here we are. I’m happy to wait.

Supporting owners with puppies is most of my job...

Six months sabattical would take you to around 8 month old puppy stage, right when puppy is entering adolescence - that is a deeply ungood time to change the status quo and return to work.

Daycares are often hell-holes, with too many dogs, not enough staff, dogs playing frantically all day long and exhausted, or being bullies/being bullied.. and then of course theres the risk your dog gets banned from daycare for being aggressive (a hint of a snark at another dog is enough for some daycares), they'll want your dog neutered before he's really old enough for that to have no detrimental effect..

Theres also the issue of daycares changing rules and moving locations that often totally ballses up owners plans.

Wait until you can afford somewhere with some outside space - toilet training a puppy in a flat (or even an older rescue dog, they still tend to need retraining on this front) is an absolute bollocking pigtwat of a job. Really.

When you do have somewhere with outside space, look for a run-on pup from a breeder (one they've kept on to see if it makes the grade for show ring/breeding purposes) as then you'll get your pup at 5/6 months, so your 6 month sabbatical will take you much closer to the end of adolescence.

Then, when you know your dog much better before putting them into daycare, their behaviour is far less likely to change, lower risk of them being booted out of daycare.

And pick the breed wisely, many breeds are not remotely suited to the busy, loud, overwhelming nature of living in a city.

In the meantime, Borrow My Doggy can give you the opportunity to have a dog for weekends or a few days in the week or a day here and there. I have had several friends be dog borrowers who have loved this and ended up with regular arrangements with one or two dogs that lasted years!

To want one? No, dogs are lovely. To get one? Maybe. It would certainly be hard, and almost certainly harder than you expecting. You will never have another lie in for a start!

The day care thing isn’t insurmountable. It’s a pain, sure. You’d have to add the time to your work day to drop off and pick up, and there would be no flexibility. However, what if your puppy hated daycare? Many puppies love it, but my dogs would hate it. They want a day of quiet snoozing, a sniffy walk and five minutes zoomies. But they never, ever want to be away from me. Not my daughter, not the dog walker, not Mx Daycare. Me. Dogs are individuals, and there’s no guarantee it would be ok with your plan for it.

The flat would bother me more. Toilet training puppy in a flat? You have to take them out every thirty minutes and presumably they can’t go to daycare until they have all their jabs. They need containing when they are small became they destroy everything and you and your partner both need to be onboard. Puppies are seriously intense and adolescent dogs are challenging.

If you could rehome a dog, which is known to be sociable and enjoy a daycare type setting, and can be trusted at home (and is housetrained) maybe, but few shelters would give you a dog on that basis (I think) and there’s reason for that. I recently got two because it helps my daughters anxiety. It has, but man I’m fed up of the responsibility. I’d just got past the ‘needing to be responsible for another beings bodily functions/being nagged into playing/feeding/letting in/letting out/getting up at night/never being able to go out unless I find a sitter (they have separation anxiety, and one is ill. I don’t expect it to last, but it takes time to solve these issues). It’s like having a toddler again. There are huge upsides, but the downsides are equally massive. And my dogs are older, housetrained, generally sleep though (Illness notwithstanding) pretty chilled, and can just be let out in my dressing gown. I’ve had dogs before and knew what I was getting myself into. And it still sucks a bit for me. I can’t imagine having to get dressed and take them for a walk every single time they needed to go out, even with adult dogs (I routinely let mine out first and last thing, plus mid morning, mid afternoon and after dinner, in addition to their walks). Over Christmas, the sick one needed to go out every two hours, day and night. And then I needed to hose down. Your dog will get sick (they all do, sometime. They eat ghastly things and aren’t even sorry!). She’s still sick, and isn’t sleeping through, although it is better.

Can you foster or dog sit and see what its really like? If you haven’t had one, you might be a bit naive (fair enough. Everyone starts somewhere with everything). Your partner might have a point. It’s not undoable, but it would take a lot of doing, I think.

@goodforyounoonecares

I would take 6 months unpaid leave for the puppy stage

Sure you would even if you did, it isn’t the great start you think it is.

Many of the people who got dogs during lockdown, who have now gone back to work, are left with super anxious dogs suffering separation anxiety.

How do you feel about cats?

Bengals are beautiful and can be very 'dog like' for want of a better way of putting it...loyal, chatty, intelligent, can be trained to do all sorts including walk on a lead!

You’re mad to even consider it. Totally unfair on the dog.

Not unless you're a selfish bastard.

Very very unfair on a dog. They are a part of your life but you are literally their whole world. I love my dogs but they are a lot of work and now that I'm working full time, I've noticed a major regression in training. They are so bloody naughty! A dog who doesn't get enough of your time and attention will get bored and a bored dog will make their own fun.

Very rarely will this be anything resembling your idea of fun.

My eldest will fall into line at the merest hint of a raised voice but my youngest hates other dogs with a passion so daycare NOT an option and is not happy being left alone half the day either.

We're struggling. No way would I willingly bring a new dog into this situation. A puppy would be impossible as they literally cannot be left for more than an hour or two without significant distress.

It's just cruel, OP, I'm sorry but it would be cruel and selfish to get a dog in your current circumstances, daycare or no.

Re your snarky comment about waiting for retirement then - you are thinking about this totally from your own perspective and about what you want and what suits you.

Being a good dog owner is an enormous responsibility. There are just a huge amount of bad dog owners out there

OP you won't be waiting until retirement.

Most people who are currently WFH most of the time or doing hybrid working didn't think 5 years ago they would be doing so. So you just need to wait until your working life changes.

@Movingonup22

Re your snarky comment about waiting for retirement then - you are thinking about this totally from your own perspective and about what you want and what suits you.

Being a good dog owner is an enormous responsibility. There are just a huge amount of bad dog owners out there

Wasn’t snarky at all but ok

It would be so cruel

Well done for recognising your WANT does not trump a dogs NEED.

Making shit decisions like that and putting others first is part and parcel of parenting so take it as a sign to enjoy the next few years before you're tied down!

Gently YABU. I know how it feels. Felt such a long wait for our girl. My advice would also be not to go for a puppy if you do decide to move forward with this, which I think you will, I would adopt an older dog (not 'old' but 3+) who may already be calmer, easy to settle, and want to snooze all day. We adopted a 4 year old GSD and she sleeps all day long and is so easy to leave and look after. I would never get a puppy.

Right now I'm sat at home on my laptop doing work and my dog is constantly moaning because I am not paying him the attention he needs, despite having played with him several times today already. He is a Collie though, but this gives you an insight into the demand perhaps. He hates me sitting at the table, being on Zoom, etc. I am a full-time student currently so I am home most of the time.

Agree with all the other posters. If you actually care for a dog or any animal you will consider its needs. Work days, inevitably mean shopping trips after work or a catch up with friends for dinner etc and a long day alone for a dog becomes even longer. Day care is stressful for most and a lot are poorly run - and then you will need to do pick up before going out for dinner, sport or other normal life activities most of us have before or after work.

You have a life, your dog only has YOU. They are pack animals, the hour or so you will spend with them ( cooking, dinner, normal chores all need to be done - where is a walk, a play, brushing, training ?) and then bed time ( would it sleep in for room for company?) - it is a sad life for the dog. No outside space on top of that.

If you love dogs, offer to walk dogs for the elderly or sick as previous posters have pointed out. Volunteer at a dog shelter.

Without time and attention, they develop bad behaviour, get destructive ( out of boredom or anxiety) and then the dog gets rehomed - which is just horrible for all involved.

you dont need to have a perfect life to have a dog - but your set up is not even close to being managable. Once the baby comes in a flat, a badly trained frustrated bored dog and a small toddler - do not mix well. It is unsafe for a child and unfair on the dog.