to want a dog despite working full time and living in a flat?

[goodforyounoonecares]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 12 years. We’re 30, have just bought a flat in London and we’ll have a very inexpensive wedding soon. I’ve always wanted a dog. He’s grown up with dogs and loves them too but obviously has more experience in having one as a pet.

I really feel that a dog will significantly improve my mental wellbeing. I am aware of the stress dog ownership can bring, esp in the puppy period and I know it’s a huge responsibility.

I work 3 days a week from 8am to 7pm and one in four Saturdays. My partner works normal days, nights, weekends and long days (8am to 10pm) in equal sharing. Obviously the dog will need to go to daycare.

My partner is strongly against us getting a dog because he thinks it’s not fair to have them in day care half the week as they may be neglected by the day care owners/other dogs and that a dog should be given 100% undivided attention by their owner. He also thinks is not fair to raise a dog in a flat.

We can easily afford a dog. He thinks I’m desperate for a dog as I’m very broody which is partially true although I’ve wanted a dog long before I’ve been thinking about having our own family. We can’t TTC until we’re mid 30s for a multitude of reasons.

If you don’t have ground floor access to outside that will be tough when doing all the training. I’m not sure I’d be wanting to go out at 2am in the dark out of a flat! They go out all the time when they’re little! And it’s exhausting enough having a pup.

We worked almost full time when we got our dog, and paid for a dog day care type thing between 10-2pm. We would put our all into it during the hours we were home, evening puppy classes/dark walks/weekend walks and lots of training. I would get home around 5pm so max time alone would be 3 or so hours. The day care was just a lady who picked him and a few others, she took them to a dog play field & did some puppy training/paced the exercise according to his age. We found her before we found our dog- it worked for us. For the first few weeks we took lots of annual leave too. We are in a house with a large garden. He is the most chilled/relaxed dog going. No behaviour issues. Maybe we were lucky. When he was around 1 we cut it down to once or twice a week as I went on maternity leave. One of the reasons we got a dog is I knew we’d only need to do the day care thing for about a year or so. I found it hard having a young dog and a baby. Now he’s nearly 5 and we’ve not needed the day care for a couple of years as my other half works from home.
I’m not sure I would have done it had I not met the lady that looked after her dog, she was amazing and I trusted her. Now my other half works from home he has dog in his home office whilst I’m with kids etc.

Could you move somewhere with a garden (even small) and can either of you do some hours from home?

Dogs can be amazing and think it’s worth changing your life for but you want to make it work rather than get one and find it too hard in a flat.

Can you borrow a friends for a weekend to get a taste of what it would be like?

We did borrow my doggy before getting our dog.

@RedWingBoots

OP you won't be waiting until retirement.

Most people who are currently WFH most of the time or doing hybrid working didn't think 5 years ago they would be doing so. So you just need to wait until your working life changes.

Or take active steps to change your life to fit around a baby and a dog - but it sounds as though your partner isn’t as ready to do that?

Be aware that daycare can ask you to stop bringing your dog at any point. My dog was going to daycare one day a week from 4 months old. At 10 months he was asked to leave as he started displaying some adolescent behaviors that they couldn't deal with in a group situation. My dog is absolutely lovely but gets very excited by other dogs, which we manage by removing him from the situation before he gets overly excited (when he starts humping). In the daycare they were unable to do that because there are obviously other dogs there all the time and the workers don't have the time or inclination to train all the dogs to be calm around other dogs.
In my situation, I'm quite lucky that there are 3 adults in our house, with different work hours. We are managing by having one of us at home most of the time and he is left alone for up to a couple of hours at a time. In your situation, with both of you working long days, what would you do if daycare suddenly say they can't have the dog? For whatever reason. Illness, bad behavior, injury, etc?

It wouldn't be fair on the dog in your circumstances. I know what it's like to want a dog (or a child) and have to wait. We waited 4 years before we got a dog, until we had the time and money to get one and meet its needs appropriately.

Well I disagree that no dog can ever live in a flat - obviously huskies and Labradors and other medium to large energetic breeds can’t, but lazier and smaller breeds will be fine. I have a dog in a flat and know loads of other people near me who do too. But we all work from home at least some of the week. It depends on the dog. Some would be fine with this set up, others wouldn’t. A rescue that has lived in a flat before and likes to sleep a lot would be your best bet.

It’s bloody hard work living in a flat with a dog. I find it exhausting and I work from home.

Are you prepared to go out every 3-4 hours for a walk regardless of the weather. It’s lovely in the summer but I’ve had days when my waterproofs don’t dry out from one walk to the next.

You can’t get up in the morning and have a lazy coffee before doing anything, without a garden you’ll need to go straight out for a walk.

My dog was ill the other weekend and I was traipsing the streets with him at midnight, 2am and 4am. Would you be happy doing things like that?

If I hadn’t already had the dog when my circumstances changed there is no way I’d even contemplate it.

A puppy would likely be your only option as most rescues don't like flats, but you might get an exception from a smaller rescue. A small quiet breed might be ok but youd have to think about how you'd toilet train it if youre not on the ground floor.
Also, what you'd do in the time before it's vaccinated because the daycares I have enquired with dont take unvaxxed dogs.

Dogs can easily live to 15/16 years old, you do sounds as if you’re just thinking of the puppy stage and slightly beyond. How will your dog be house trained in dog care? How will your dog be socialised around children, other adults? Are you experienced in training a dog? It’s a long, long commitment and as well as day care there’s exercise, taking the dog out last thing at night for toilet ting, boarding for holidays, vets bills.
Personally I would wait, maybe walk someone’s dog for a while.

Personally, I don’t think your circumstances are right for getting a dog, but I absolutely understand why you want one and I think some of these responses are a bit harsh! I have never tried doggy day care but I have a few friends that use it, because they wfh and the dog gets bored, and it works really well for them. I think it depends on the dog…I have lots of dogs and some of mine would enjoy it I think, but others would hate it….and you wouldn’t really know that until you got the dog IFYSWIM? And if the dog hates it, then you have a problem. I also think house training in an upstairs flat with no garden would be difficult. Not undoable, but really hard. On the odd occasion that one of mine has an upset tummy and they yowl to go out in the night, my DH canters down the stairs in his pants (or I do in my pjs) and let them out. I think it would be a massive ball ache to do that in a flat…and the same with house training a puppy. So it’s probably not the right time for you. I agree with getting in touch with the cinnamon trust though….they are a fab organisation and might help with your doggy yearnings xx

you can want a dog all you like - it would still be really unfair on the dog.
why not wait until you have a family? You can leave the children and the dog at home all day on their own until it suits you to take care of them.

People like you should be banned from having animals - what a horrible attitude.

I have a dog who is 18 months old. She would probably absolutely love day care because she’s a very sociable Labrador. However I would have really struggled with her in a flat. I’m sure it’s doable but it must be tricky with toilet training, particularly in the puppy stage. I work 9-3 most days and my husband works either early mornings to lunch times or afternoon-evenings so our dog is rarely left more than an hour in a day. I wouldn’t get the dog if I were you in the situation you’re currently in

@ComeUnderMySexBlanket

Being a good dog owner is not about what the dog can do for you, but about what you can do for the dog.

Daycare exists because the owners of doggy daycare are cashing in on people who think that you can have a dog and then farm it out to suit their work and circumstances.

Please don't do it.

I think this is unfair. Our dog goes to Daycare one day a week because he loves interacting with other dogs. He adores the staff there and they adore him. We don't have to send him as we are at home, but it enriches his life. Its like SAHM sending dc to playgroup/nursery, they don't have to do it but believe it's in their DCs best interests.

We got a puppy 2 months ago. He’s amazing, so fluffy, affectionate, and sweet. He’s also exceptionally hard work and it’s only because we both work at home and have a garden that we knew it could work. Despite both of those advantages, we are exhausted. Having a pet is, at least in the early months, somewhat of a full time job and leaving a puppy all day would be hugely distressing to them. Unfortunately, your needs just shouldn’t outweigh the needs of the animal.

You're very focused on what you think a dog can do for you but what are you offering a dog?

It's not as straight forward as just 'getting a dog' and then sticking it in day care for 90% of the time and it's job done.

What happens if your dog can't cope with day care?

Dog are sentient beings and they're all different. They have needs, those needs have to be met and they aren't always easy or straight forward.

Even if you end up with the easiest going well balanced dog your lifestyle is not suitable for a dog.

Please don't get one.

@Crumbwell

Get a cat.

This

I think 'ideal' is a step too far, like asking for perfection. Most dogs are okay and love you regardless, so if it was an infrequent change of routine, you'd probably get on okay. But if you were expecting a dogwalker to socialise and train your very young pup, my instinct says no. Having said that, my first dog was walked and fostered for day care by lots of quite random people when I went to work and travelled to London for a day here and there.

Have children, get a house, get the dog.

You’d never see me in East London to sight see let alone actually live there.

😂😂

Getting a dog because you can't have a baby yet is a very bad idea. I have a dog and a baby and it's fucking hard. I used to be able to just up and go for a nice long walk, now I need someone to watch DS if the weather is crap etc, I love my dog and she isn't sidelined because of DS but I do have much less time now than I used to.

It would be hard work (taking the fact you both work full time out of it).
Our DDog has been vomiting all week, as soon as we hear the dreaded wretching we quickly get him outside. What are you going to do? Because the dog will vomit at some point!
Same with peeing and pooping, you’ll have to house train the dog, but dogs can still get sick/wake you up for the loo all through the night.
In fact they may not be able to make it out, they may have accidents all through your flat, complex, to directly outside your flat. You may not be able to pick it up either if you catch my drift!

Washing the dog down if it gets mucky, I use a bowl of a warm water and towels to wipe my dog down. I can’t imagine doing that in a flat.

I’ve been ill myself but have had to drag myself out to walk the dog etc.

If you plan to use daycare for the dog, are you that all day, every day and what’s the point in having one if you do. It’ll be very boring for the dog even if he/she has a walker. Ours sits outside in spring/summer, he’s old and not too interested in walking but will have a short walk then sit outside. Otherwise he would be staring at the four walls of whatever room he lies in.
He also can’t use stairs anymore, we have to carry him in a support (he’s a lab, so that’s not fun).

At least wait until you have a house, trust me there will be times when you are ill, busy, want to go out, the dog is sick and all you have time for is possibly one walk and then just letting them in the garden for a bit.

I'm sorry if anyone else has made this point, but if your DP doesn't want a dog, you can't really get a dog unless he changes his mind.

Get a cat, they’re so easy compared to dogs!

It is difficult when you really want to be a dog owner, but you've made the right decision imo. It all boils down to, do you want to be a dog owner, or a good dog owner. Do you want a dog, or a happy dog.

Wait a while and see what life chucks at you.

Horrendous idea, you dont have the time or commitment, think of another pet but def not a dog, it would go insane, and so would you, once children arrive on the scene, l know so many people who gave up their dog once they'd had a baby, the dog just becane another chore, it would be very unfair on the dog.

It's all about what YOU want. Have you even stopped to consider what you could offer a dog? What kind of life could you offer a dog? A only, disruptive life in a flat with various people "looking after" it on different days, different times.

You say you're broody but not ready to have a baby yet. Stop thinking about your wants. Get a teddy bear.

Seriously, you’d have a lot to give a dog on borrow my doggy. Do that for a while. :) Get all the good bits without the manic and mayhem and cost!