to want a dog despite working full time and living in a flat?

[goodforyounoonecares]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 12 years. We’re 30, have just bought a flat in London and we’ll have a very inexpensive wedding soon. I’ve always wanted a dog. He’s grown up with dogs and loves them too but obviously has more experience in having one as a pet.

I really feel that a dog will significantly improve my mental wellbeing. I am aware of the stress dog ownership can bring, esp in the puppy period and I know it’s a huge responsibility.

I work 3 days a week from 8am to 7pm and one in four Saturdays. My partner works normal days, nights, weekends and long days (8am to 10pm) in equal sharing. Obviously the dog will need to go to daycare.

My partner is strongly against us getting a dog because he thinks it’s not fair to have them in day care half the week as they may be neglected by the day care owners/other dogs and that a dog should be given 100% undivided attention by their owner. He also thinks is not fair to raise a dog in a flat.

We can easily afford a dog. He thinks I’m desperate for a dog as I’m very broody which is partially true although I’ve wanted a dog long before I’ve been thinking about having our own family. We can’t TTC until we’re mid 30s for a multitude of reasons.

You’d take six months unpaid leave even though we are probably about to enter a recession and the cost of living is set to fall by the greatest % for 50 years?

Really?

The problem is that it’s pretty clear that this dog is temporarily meant to stand in for a baby. And that once you have that baby you will not have the money or the time or the space to look after this puppy. Take the cash you would spend on the dog and spend it fixing all of the issues so that you can have the child earlier.

Please do not get a dog. You are thinking of yourself and what the dog can do for your benefit rather than what you can do to benefit your dog's life. Your set up is not conductive to having a dog as your partner correctly exists. The fact dog daycare exists is not relevant. The facts that are relevant is your circumstances which are not suitable for a dog. The fact that you cannot see and question why dog daycare just shows you self absorbed(for want of a kinder turn of phrase) motivations. Maybe look at volunteering at a dog shelter or to dog walk a dog for an elderly person etc.

Day care is really bad for many many dogs!! Ask any vet or behaviourist! They have no time to relax or sleep (really important emotional drainage behaviours). Day care often causes behavioural problems - very stressful for many dogs that attend. 3 full days a week for a young dog is an absolute recipe for disaster!

Please do not get a dog! Wait until you’ve had your family and your children are older - hopefully by then you’ll have a garden and be working less so can give your dog what it needs

YABU. I would love to have a dog. But we both work, and it just wouldn’t be fair, even though now both of us can be more flexible about WFH, and we do have a decent sized garden.

About five years ago we adopted a lovely cat, and despite always being a dog person I absolutely adore her. She’s fine being left while we are at work, and a great wee chum. I also sponsor a dog at a rescue centre. Might there be things you can do along those lines? I’m friendly with an older lady up the road and often walk her dog for her too.

Please don’t OP, it won’t work out, your flat will end up wrecked and the poor dog will have to be rehome. It’s honestly not worth the heartbreak it will cause you.

Try borrow my doggy on your off days if you can’t commit to a dog at the mo then it’s a great idea

Why did you buy a flat when you want pets and children?

We've spent the last ten years raising our dc in flats and will do for the rest of the time we have them living at home with us. And we have cats. It's actually fine - lovely in fact.

What happens when you get pregnant? If you have a 2 year old reactive dog because you haven’t had the time to put the (extensive) energy into training and socialisation.

Day care is just that. It isn’t there to train your dog for you. Basically a group of dogs hang out together with staff keeping an eye. There is no training.

So you have an untrained, unsocialised dog that you don’t know very well because you don’t spend a huge amount of time together and then you have a baby.

You realise 6 weeks into maternity leave you can’t cope. What happens to the dog? You can’t get rid of the kid so the first thing to go is the dog.

You’re being selfish and not forward planning in the slightest. Day care offers packages bevause it makes them money. Simple as that. Put some actual thoughts into this ffs.

@goodforyounoonecares

I would take 6 months unpaid leave for the puppy stage

That is ridiculous.

Sorry OP, but costing you half a year’s salary with attendant pension and promotion prospects loss, in the run up towards thinking about having a baby, makes no sense.

Dog day care is expensive. Child day care is expensive.

Listen to your DH who has more experience of dog owning than you.

Your priority in dog ownership should not be what you want, it has to be what the dog needs. You cannot provide what a dog needs.

Thanks for the replies. You’re all echoing my boyfriend.

We bought a flat in London because we can’t afford a house and need to be in London for family and work reasons. I don’t see any problem in raising a family in a flat. It’s a 3 bed flat with two reception rooms…

Regarding time off, I would take a 6 month sabbatical which we can afford.

Anyway, I am indeed being unreasonable! Boyfriend dog we can get a dog when we retire. Only another 50 years to go…

I would get the dog @goodforyounoonecares we both WFH full time and dog still goes to daycare two days a week as he looked so bored at home with us working. We found a great daycare in advance of getting him and one that has good boarding facilities (not a dingy outdoor kennel) so he would board with the people he knows if we had to leave him overnight. You would need to be there for first month at least though so bear that in mind.

Also be aware if he is sick the lack of garden will be tough. Our guy had an awful sick stomach and we were letting him out into the garden to toilet around 4 times a night from 11pm-7am every night for a week. We were knackered but at least we could sit on couch and wait for him and didn’t have to put on coats and get dressed.

Those saying the dog needs a garden during the week - not all dogs! Ours is usually out for a pee then scratching to get back in. We have a lovely big secure garden with lots of mature trees, shrubs etc and he couldn’t care less about being out there.

Yabvu I would love to get a cat, but my lifestyle means that it is not possible.

There are other ways to interact in ways that will not harm the dog - dog walking, work in animal shelters etc.

I haven't rtft so sorry if I'm repeating but things that stand out are:

8am-7pm is a very long working day, you'll need time in the morning and evening to pick up and drop off the dog and I wonder if they are open early and late enough for you? I don't think daycare 3 days a week is bad, but of course, dogs are unpredictable so you don't know that they won't hate it and your work times restrict you from being flexible with care (as in there may not be a multitude of options for you).

Not having a garden is a real pain in the neck but yes it can be done - do you have a park on your doorstep?

6 months is probably overkill to take off for puppy stage but yes you will need to take time off.

I think on balance, you should probably wait. My dog is incredibly chilled out, but it's still a lot of responsibility, and sorting out care for him when we are not around (only occasionally these days) is the bane of my life!

I understand why you want one as I was the same but we have found a garden invaluable, especially for when you do eventually have a baby and the dog needs a quick wee! We had a period of time when our garden was being done and so not useable and had to take him out on to the street and I wouldn’t want that to be my day to day.

Quite a few people seem to be against day care but I think it’s great for the right dogs and if you have a good one. We use day care twice a week simply because our dog loves it, our plan was only to ever send him for one day but knew had he not enjoyed it we’d have been able to manage fine as both work from home 90% of the time.

Your DP does not want a dog.

It's totally wrong to get a dog, or any pet, unless all the adults in the household are fully committed to the idea.

So as he, the more experienced dog owner, is dead against this, you have to drop this idea.

I would take 6 months unpaid leave for the puppy stage

Better to keep working - put this money (as apparently you don't need it to cover current bills or spending money) into savings that you can use idc during the expensive child-rearing years

Do not get a dog as a child subsitute.

Do not get a dog to 'help with your mental health'.

Do not get a dog that you have no time to train, socialise, walk or spend time with.

Do not get a dog.

@Ostryga

6 mo the unpaid leave just before you have a baby.

I have literally heard it all now. My god op you must be 18 or hairy handed surely.

3-4 years before is “just before”?

Please.

Could you foster for guide dogs or a rescue? Best of both worlds?

Don't do this. Dogs are lovely but they are VERY hard work and no it won't be good for your mental health, it will be another responsibility and NEVER EVER EVER get a pet because you want a baby. Pets are not human, they are not children. bad idea all round.

Poor op cant win!!! Some posters saying she is insane to take Leave to sort out dog while it’s young. Others if she dare works 3 days a week she will have a reactive and unsocialised dog who she will have to rehome 5 years from now when she has a baby! Bonkers

Yes, if planning ttc, 6 months unpaid leave 3 or 4 years isn’t at all long before, in financial terms. Especially if it turns out you need to pay for fertility investigations or treatment.

you are in a flat and want a dog?????? you are batshit.

@frostedfruit she works 3 days a week. Last time I checked there were 7 days in a week - how does she have no time to train socialise or walk the dog??