to want a dog despite working full time and living in a flat?

[goodforyounoonecares]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 12 years. We’re 30, have just bought a flat in London and we’ll have a very inexpensive wedding soon. I’ve always wanted a dog. He’s grown up with dogs and loves them too but obviously has more experience in having one as a pet.

I really feel that a dog will significantly improve my mental wellbeing. I am aware of the stress dog ownership can bring, esp in the puppy period and I know it’s a huge responsibility.

I work 3 days a week from 8am to 7pm and one in four Saturdays. My partner works normal days, nights, weekends and long days (8am to 10pm) in equal sharing. Obviously the dog will need to go to daycare.

My partner is strongly against us getting a dog because he thinks it’s not fair to have them in day care half the week as they may be neglected by the day care owners/other dogs and that a dog should be given 100% undivided attention by their owner. He also thinks is not fair to raise a dog in a flat.

We can easily afford a dog. He thinks I’m desperate for a dog as I’m very broody which is partially true although I’ve wanted a dog long before I’ve been thinking about having our own family. We can’t TTC until we’re mid 30s for a multitude of reasons.

@goodforyounoonecares

Why do day care services offer 1-5 day a week packages then?

What a dumb argument. There are kennels that take care of your dog 24/7 if you pay them to. You don’t do that because it’s pointless and cruel. Going by your snarky replies to completely reasonable considerations people are pointing out to you, you’re selfish and nasty with no sense of logic. Your own bf who you admit is more clued up than you is telling you it’s an unacceptable situation for a dog. You’d not even have a chance of getting a rescue as no one would place a dog in these circumstances.

If you're dog broody fair enough but if it's baby broody then I wouldn't tbh

Save the leave for the planned baby!

The dog would be better off than spending 23.5hrs a day in its cell, which I know for a fact is what battersea dogs do.

Why did you post if you don't want to take any of the advice offered?

I think I would be reconsidering why you need to wait 5 years to have a baby. I know that isn’t the point of the post, but it seems as though you agree that you want a dog because you want a baby.

Your bf is right.

As a Londoner I know plenty of people who have had dogs living in flats both with and without gardens. The difference is the dog isn't left alone for hours (or dumped in daycare) as someone is in or someone in the household can take the dog into work.

(Oh and the doggy daycares around me return dogs between 4-6pm.)

You also shouldn't have a cat unless you are on the basement/ground floor as cats can and will jump out of windows to get to the outside.

Does your flat have direct acces to a garden. If no then that will be a real pain taking it out every time it needs a wee. My dog has me up and down about four times in the evening to go out. I've only got to open the lounge door so it's fine but if u had to go further it wouldn't be ok especially in the middle of the night which he often does aswell !

@Pissyduck

Why did you post if you don't want to take any of the advice offered?

What? I literally just replied saying we’ll not get a dog.

I understand the desperation; I adore dogs and grew up with them. I had two with my ex and I had to give them to her when we split up as I work long shifts.

Several years on I finally have a dog again but I now live with new partner who works from home the vast majority of the time. I still work shifts so the odd occasion she is in the office, the chances are I’m not on a day shift so she’s only left a few hours. I think we’ve had to use a dog Walker twice in the year and a half we’ve had her.

I adore her and she hugely enriches our lives but I’d be concerned your working hours are too long even with day care; I don’t know what times they’d be open. It just seems a little pointless to me to be honest.

We also really struggled to leave her for a good 6 months or so as she would howl and cry even if it were just a few minutes. Thankfully she grew out of it but you just never know!

You've had a lot of really twatty responses, not unusual for this forum unfortunately.

In Mumsnet land everyone lives in 4 or 5 bed detached properties and they deem that us lesser beings that live in flats should not be allowed pets or children.

@Merrymouse

I think I would be reconsidering why you need to wait 5 years to have a baby. I know that isn’t the point of the post, but it seems as though you agree that you want a dog because you want a baby.

True, I think I worded that very poorly. I’ve wanted a dog for a very long time but obviously not able to as I was in university, working long hours. Now I’m working part-time (this will not change) and I thought it’d finally be a good time to have a dog. Just so happens that I’m hitting my 30s and it’s time to have a baby too. I’ve been dog broody for longer than I have baby broody. But I guess it’s all at the wrong time.

Totally unfair on the dog.

@goodforyounoonecares

Thanks for the replies. You’re all echoing my boyfriend.

We bought a flat in London because we can’t afford a house and need to be in London for family and work reasons. I don’t see any problem in raising a family in a flat. It’s a 3 bed flat with two reception rooms…

Regarding time off, I would take a 6 month sabbatical which we can afford.

Anyway, I am indeed being unreasonable! Boyfriend dog we can get a dog when we retire. Only another 50 years to go…

I’m 50, and we are waiting until we retire to get a dog - we have no children, but we both work full time. We are based at home but each spend about 2-3 days a week out at meetings or on site visits, so some days nobody is home from 8am to about 6pm.

It’s not fair for us to have a dog which would have to randomly be cared for by someone else, without a regular routine. We want our dog to feel safe and cared for when it joins our family. I wouldn’t dream of doing what you’re thinking of, even though we both love dogs.

A dog is not a baby and vice versa!

The dog would be better off than spending 23.5hrs a day in its cell, which I know for a fact is what battersea dogs do.

🤦🏻‍♀️ Except dogs at Battersea don’t stay there for very long in most cases. They’re rehomed to a suitable home in a few weeks/months, not to a flat with no garden to owners who are mostly at work. A few weeks/months in a rescue is worth it while the right home is found.

You do not have the time available to give that dog a happy life. YABU

I'm glad you've decided against it op. I think if someone's circumstances change and they end up in a flat or needing dog daycare then that's ok because their circumstances changed and it's often preferable to rehoming a dog.

But to buy a puppy in those circumstances would be a big mistake. What happens if your dog needs to go outside in the middle of the night, or it barks and howls and drives your neighbours mad, or it doesn't take to daycare, or your financial circumstances change and you can't afford daycare/need to work full time. I honestly think you'd live to regret it. And all lots harder with a baby in tow too.

@ouch321

You've had a lot of really twatty responses, not unusual for this forum unfortunately.

In Mumsnet land everyone lives in 4 or 5 bed detached properties and they deem that us lesser beings that live in flats should not be allowed pets or children.

I feel like there’s some sort of middle ground between a 5 bed detached house, and a gardenless flat with one adult working 12 hour days half the week and the other adult not wanting it at all.

[quote WhenIfoundyou]@frostedfruit she works 3 days a week. Last time I checked there were 7 days in a week - how does she have no time to train socialise or walk the dog??[/quote]
The title of the post is 'working full time'. The hours are quoted as 8-7, plus an extra 11 hours per months, that 35.5 hours per week on a yearly average. That's full time.

If on some weeks you are out of the house for 4 long days, that is not enough time to devote to a dog. In my opinion. I probably have quite high pet-care standards given my profession.

OP I think a puppy would be a terrible idea but what about getting an older dog, maybe 6 -10 year old rescue that is more difficult to rehome due to age and may be in kennels for a long time? You'd need a laid back sociable dog that would be fine with going off to doggy daycare, and to check out the care available near you. We adopted older dogs and they were wonderful, already house trained etc Some rescues have very high expectations so you might have to contact several to see what they say.

A dog in a flat and you work full time? No. I think your broodiness is taking over your common sense on this one. I understand as it has happened to me before, but this really wouldn't be a good choice. Wait until you're a bit older and have maybe moved to a house.

Right and children can be raised in either of those contrary to a previous comment

@goodforyounoonecares

I can understand that it’s not ideal, but is day care for 3 days a week that bad for a dog? What’s the point in day care then?

We can afford a dog and daycare. We are not able to TTC due to career restraints and we want to get married first. Boyfriend doesn’t feel “ready” either so there’s that.

'Not ideal' is not good enough

No

@goodforyounoonecares

Why do day care services offer 1-5 day a week packages then?

Because sometimes peoples' circumstances change

And sometimes people are just selfish