To say something to next door about their crying toddler at night

[afizzysweet]

We live in a mid terrace. Our ndn are on the end and they have the end bedroom, their toddler is in the room that backs on to our bedroom, I am assuming his bed is against our wall IYSWIM.

He goes through phases of waking in the night and crying. I have a child of the same age so I get it. It does wake me up every single time. Doesn't always wake DH.
The difficulty is that I think they let him cry it out rather than go in to him. For the 5th night in a row I've been woken up and listened to crying for 20 minutes and now I can't get back to sleep.
I can't confirm that they do let him CIO, I'm just basing it on the fact he continues to cry and gets louder before stopping after a while.

I don't want to use ear plugs because I don't want to risk not hearing my own child.

Should I say something? It seems like a really unreasonable thing to bring up because kids cry at the end of the day and it's not like we live in a dettached house. But I am getting fed up of broken sleep that impacts me the next day.

Why don't you move bedrooms temporarily? You could sleep on your toddler's floor or even on your sofa with a baby monitor.

Some toddlers cry I'm the night, it can't be helped. Be grateful you have an easy one.

Why don't you move bedrooms temporarily? You could sleep on your toddler's floor or even on your sofa with a baby monitor.

This has been going on and off for months unfortunately

Crying it out is hugely damaging - look up the recent research. It's not any of your business how they choose to deal with their toddler crying at night, or whether they should sleep train / what method. Put earplugs in, put the white noise on, or move out of a terraced house.

I am surprised you don't dread going to bed.

My NDN adult DD sometimes uses her hairdryer at 00:30!!! For 20 minutes!
It has disturbed me and woken me up just as i've got to sleep.

Sometimes I feel sick at the thought of sleeping in my bedroom.

I have considered: sleeping in the car, caravan on the drive, in the attic or shed in the garden part time.

My kids get up early and start playing downstairs and it also disturbs me.

Anyway, I was looking for a cheap solution to the neighbour side, and came across these panels. Could help to dampen the sound a bit? I haven't tried them but spent a long time researching! Here's the link:

www.sruinsulation.co.uk/special-offers/M20-wall-panel

Thread: forums.overclockers.co.uk/threads/m20-soundproofing-panels-do-they-work.18465313/

Op as shitty as it is you need to mention it to them in a kind way, I have a 5 year old with ASD who doesn't sleep very well. The neighbours mentioned they could hear her TV in the night (even though the volume was very low) I apologised and gave her my phone number so she can text me & let me know if DD is ever being to loud and we now give her the iPad in the night instead, the neighbour also moved her DD's wardrobe to that wall to help block the noise, you have to live next door to these people and its better to try and build a relationship with them where you can talk about things that may bother you.

People saying your being a CF are just idiots you can't let this carry on, my little boys bedroom is on the outside wall (semi detached house) and I worry the neighbours will hear him I don't let him cry for more than 5 minutes and he's 2.

I am in a mid-terrace and I just couldn't do that to the neighbours. If I left mine they would get progressively louder and hysterical. Not fair on anyone.

They're being unreasonable to let him cry to that extent.

Does the crying child need to be on the adjoining wall? I know that the MN view is that the world has to accept constantly crying babies as the norm, but the neighbours could be less selfish by not using the party wall room. One would assume if the OP played loud music in their bedroom the parents letting their child cry would be complaining!
But crying babies are normal, playing loud music for example at 2 a.m is not normal. Some noises are just the sort of thing you should expect from your NDN, others are noise nuisance. Living in a terrace you do tend to hear more noises because you are so close to your NDN.
No-one knows if the parent is going in to check on the toddler, or if s/he is having night terrors, and we don't know if it is feasible for them to move the toddler to a different room.
FWIW, my 2 could howl for England. Yes, I went to them, but that did sometimes make them worse. I think they were sometimes just frustrated that they were in bed not playing. It did get better and leaving them alone did improve things. They learnt that we sleep at night.

@Herewegoagain84

Crying it out is hugely damaging - look up the recent research. It's not any of your business how they choose to deal with their toddler crying at night, or whether they should sleep train / what method. Put earplugs in, put the white noise on, or move out of a terraced house.

Do you have a link?

I'd nicely ask them to please move his cot away from the wall that's shared with your bedroom.

That gives them the message (his crying is audible) and offers a solution. for them to take on board.

My neighbours had a child who would cry alot. This was before we had a baby and to us, it felt as though she was left to just cry all the time.
She would cry throughout the day and for hour long stretches overnight.
We dont even have our bedroom on a neighbouring wall and all internal walls are solid.
It went on for 2 years.
Neighbours were aware and would pass comment that she had found her voice. We would joke back but mention that we could hear it overnight and it was all kept friendly.
Nothing improved until they moved out.

Fast forward tonus having a baby and god I feel for them now.
Sometimes children cry and its for a good reason.
I apologised to the neighbours when our baby was born, even before she had been crying at night because i didnt want them to think we were leaving her to cry alone.

Babies/kids cry. Its out of your control.
If they were playing banging music at wam then absolutely knock on the door.
But telling them their child crying is keeping you awake us a bit harsh.
The child could be unwell, have developmental issues or all sorts.
Its prob upsetting them more than you.

20 minutes? Mine easily lasts an hour or rwo at night, while I'm holding her. She's teething. That's life.

20 minutes? Mine easily lasts an hour or rwo at night, while I'm holding her. She's teething. That's life.

20 minutes most nights for months on end when it isn't your child isn't fun, especially when you can't get to sleep and suffer from pain and fatigue related health issues as I've said. The difference is that that is your child keeping you up, not somebody else's. Completely different.

@bedheadedzombie

20 minutes? Mine easily lasts an hour or rwo at night, while I'm holding her. She's teething. That's life.

Give some pain relief if your child is crying for so long, poor little mite. Baby ibuprofen, calpol, liquid anbesol... and sleep. Chew toys such as sophie giraffe for the daytime.

I don’t get the mean comments. I think communication with neighbours is good. I’d hate for someone to suffer like this and not say anything to me. A simple thing like moving the cot to the other side of room might make a difference

Personally think putting babies cots on neighbors walls is a bit inconsiderate. I get crying can't be helped but moving to a part of the room where it's against you hall or bathroom is better. Or at least moving it a bit away.

Yanbu. If crying goes on and on they should take the baby downstairs. Especially as you have same age children - it can impact them too!

@bedheadedzombie

20 minutes? Mine easily lasts an hour or rwo at night, while I'm holding her. She's teething. That's life.

And OP has to suffer because of it? Not fair on anyone that way. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture for a reason.

@cantbecoping

You cannot win can you OP? It's put up and shut up territory. It is an impossible situation, it really is.

I understand next door are probably doing the very best they can with their screaming toddler but I fully understand your frustration and upset with being woken up night after night by a child that isn't yours, I would lose my mind. I think those shaming you for feeling this way need a good bout of sleeplessness themselves caused by somebody else to see how utterly soul destroying it is. Your home is your haven, your castle and it where you are meant to be able to relax and get a night's sleep. That does affect a person's mental health to the detriment.
You can't win if you don't say something and it will carry on and you can't win if you do say something because they cannot stop it and then there is bad feeling between you. There are no winners.
I have no advice but I just wanted to say that I feel for you and I think you are getting a proper pasting on here for nothing but wanting a good nights sleep.
I really do hope it gets better for you soon.

Totally agree.

They're being unreasonable to let him cry to that extent.

You must have a child who magically stops crying in your presence. You have no idea how lucky you are. Check yourself.

Wear earplugs you’ll hear your kid - I wear them every night and can hear when the cat yowls

Please don't - my son has night terrors, horrific night terrors. He is asleep when they are taking place and he screams blue murder, and nothing settles him because he is asleep. He doesn't know it's me talking to him, screams help me mummy, it's horrific.
I've had next door comment, shout shut the fuck up through the walls, shitty comments - has it changed anything? No, because there's absolutely bugger all I can do to stop it, and I would do anything to because it is heartbreaking.
You don't know he's been left to cry, it could be the same thing my son has, it could be anything.
What happens if your child starts screaming at night times? Are you going to rush over to apologise? Your incredibly lucky you seem to have an ok sleeper. Just leave it.

@Littlegoth

I’m really sorry lack of sleep impacts your illness but that’s for you to solve, not your neighbour. It’s not like they are blasting music, there is nothing they can do to stop a crying child. I may be tetchy but I’ve just spent a night with my own crying child, who is absolutely fine this morning but turned into a banshee at 3am and didn’t let up until my alarm went off. A neighbour knocking to offer me help wouldn’t go down well as I would recognise it for the passive aggressive complaint it actually was.

There is another adult in your house who can look after your own child if you don’t hear them due to ear plugs. Him being a deep sleeper is your problem to solve. I also have a deep sleeper partner - who has learned to get up when the baby cries.

Your alternative is to move, because baby noise travelling through the walls of terraced houses is to be expected.

This.

No parent wants their child to cry at night. Unless they are neglectful or abusive (unlikely) I’m sure they are doing their very best to solve it- not for you- but for themselves! It’s awful to have a child who won’t sleep and constantly cries.

YABVVVU. Children are children and they cry. It’s their home. You live in a terraced house. Such is life.

Well clearly the toddler next door is being completely unreasonable.

You may just have to learn the fine art of blocking noise out. My neighbours have 4 little dogs that randomly bark in the night and a child of around 11/12 with SEN who kicks off late at night screaming and banging.
They have lived next door for nearly a year and now i can block it out and get straight back to sleep. I haven’t complained because i don’t think it is helpful to the mum’s situation. She’s a single mum, i’m sure she’d love nothing more than a peaceful nights sleep.

Please don't. My toddler went through a horrendous phase of night terrors / night wakings - we sat in the room with her the whole time, reassuring her, trying to cuddle her, but she was hysterical. We did eventually move her to a different room. Lasted about 6 months. It will pass.