To say something to next door about their crying toddler at night

[afizzysweet]

We live in a mid terrace. Our ndn are on the end and they have the end bedroom, their toddler is in the room that backs on to our bedroom, I am assuming his bed is against our wall IYSWIM.

He goes through phases of waking in the night and crying. I have a child of the same age so I get it. It does wake me up every single time. Doesn't always wake DH.
The difficulty is that I think they let him cry it out rather than go in to him. For the 5th night in a row I've been woken up and listened to crying for 20 minutes and now I can't get back to sleep.
I can't confirm that they do let him CIO, I'm just basing it on the fact he continues to cry and gets louder before stopping after a while.

I don't want to use ear plugs because I don't want to risk not hearing my own child.

Should I say something? It seems like a really unreasonable thing to bring up because kids cry at the end of the day and it's not like we live in a dettached house. But I am getting fed up of broken sleep that impacts me the next day.

I’ve never done CIO and never left a child crying on their own ever but that doesn’t mean they haven’t cried and probably woken up neighbours before. As babies both of mine cried a lot in the night despite co-sleeping and lots of breastfeeding all night, I’d be walking round while they wailed holding them upright singing nursery rhymes for hours.
At turning 3 my DD only wakes up about twice a night now, which is pretty great, but sometimes she’ll cry some nights. I’m right there with her but she will cry. I’m sure neighbours have no idea if she’s just crying on her own or not.

When my first was very young and colicky I did have someone say something to me in the street about how he just needed a cuddle. I was holding him at the time and would never have laid him down unsettled. The confrontation really upset me and has stayed with me. This woman obviously thought I was just pushing a pram around with a screaming newborn in or something. I am so angry at her even years later. Why say anything??

@GrendelsGrandma they're on the end so they have one side with no party walls.

I think some people are missing the point here where OP says it's been months with the baby crying night after night. I think this would grate on most sane people after a while. Sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture in some countries. And yes, I do sympathise with parents with crying babies/toddlers.

I'd look into different houses either way OP - you never know what you might find, a do-er upper or something which you could afford.

I'd look into different houses either way OP - you never know what you might find, a do-er upper or something which you could afford.

I'm keeping my eye out. We did know of a nice detached bungalow, previous occupant sadly passed away, do-er upper but happy to do the work (occupant was in their 90s and only owner of the house so needed central heating putting in, new decor in every room etc)...didn't even go on the market and sold for 380k! For now I will just longing stare at rightmove. But not in a hurry to move with energy prices soaring.
That being said, I do love my house.

(380k is a lot for a do-er upper house in my area even if it is detached, average house price around here is about 250k I think).

@afizzysweet

I'd look into different houses either way OP - you never know what you might find, a do-er upper or something which you could afford.

I'm keeping my eye out. We did know of a nice detached bungalow, previous occupant sadly passed away, do-er upper but happy to do the work (occupant was in their 90s and only owner of the house so needed central heating putting in, new decor in every room etc)...didn't even go on the market and sold for 380k! For now I will just longing stare at rightmove. But not in a hurry to move with energy prices soaring.
That being said, I do love my house.

Bungalows always sell at a premium.

Contact local estate agents. Tell them what you're looking for and your price range and they'll contact you 24-48 hours before it gets listed online.

Or at least that was the average before house prices boomed

I do sympathise with you, however your going to have to figure this one out yourseft. Your neighbours have enough to deal with having a crying toddlier at night. If you did go round and have a word it’d change nothing. After all the toddliers not going to be s toddlier forever. A temperary solution on your end wouldn’t be so bad would it.

And don't forget the obvious - your house value will have increased too

@Blackcatsocks

I have sympathy for you OP. When I had my baby we lived in a flat and I always made sure to soothe her as quickly as possible to minimise noise. Obviously sometimes it didn't work and that couldn't be helped but at least I tried. Sounds like they could be making more of an effort, to me.

Every child is different. Just because you say you could minimise the noise dosn’t mean OP neighbours havn’t tryed.

Telling sleep deprived parents that you are unhappy with the noise... I wouldn't for fear of getting a punch in the face.

It has increased but so has everyone else's so it isn't a big help really. Moving house alone is an astronomical cost so with the rise in bills I really don't think we can afford to move for the foreseeable, unless we win the lottery, but I'll keep an eye out anyway. Unless we move in to a new build...which I really don't want to do.

@afizzysweet

It has increased but so has everyone else's so it isn't a big help really. Moving house alone is an astronomical cost so with the rise in bills I really don't think we can afford to move for the foreseeable, unless we win the lottery, but I'll keep an eye out anyway. Unless we move in to a new build...which I really don't want to do.

Oh yeah I just meant you might be able to afford more than you think with equity, but as numerous people have said, toddlers grow up. By the time you'd sold and moved they'll have probably settled

A friend of mine suffered with this with her neighbours daughter, a bit extreme but she and her DH rigged up a double duvet against the party wall which she said deadened the sound a lot.
DH is a builder and often goes to terraced /semi det houses to put sound proofing plasterboard on the walls, which is a good solution if it really is a long term persistent problem.

@EeeICouldRipATissue

YABVU. I've been that mum with a toddler doing just that. Dickhead neighbours coming round to complain or banging on the wall makes a stressful time you're feeling shit even worse Oh and

The neighbour is a dickhead because your child was keeping them awake at night? And what's important is them mentioning it makes you feel worse? There is a dickhead in this scenario. It's not your neighbour.

I was in a similar situation to the OP when I was a teenager. End of terrace neighbours with two more bedrooms than us. I was studying for my GCSEs so already stressed but every single night I’d wake up at 2-3am with a toddler screaming for up to 30 minutes. We tried to keep it in, didn’t say anything. I couldn’t sleep in the living room because my dad slept there due to a health condition. The screaming toddler was waking my mum up too in her room. I even tried to sleep on the bathroom floor one night.

Anyway it all boiled over and my dad mentioned the crying toddler ever so gently to the neighbours.

The crying was now down to only 5 minutes max. Why? One night, my mum heard the neighbour say “stop crying Johnny or the nasty neighbours will take you away!”.

Awful!

Anyway I’m so sorry for the position you’re in OP. You won’t win either way sadly. If you don’t mention it, you suffer, if you do mention it, it may sour your relations with the neighbours.

@GrendelsGrandma OP said neighbours have the end terrace and sleep in the far room by the end wall

@Chely

Telling sleep deprived parents that you are unhappy with the noise... I wouldn't for fear of getting a punch in the face.

The op is a sleep deprived parent too...

Although sleep deprivation does make people act irrationally. The ops neighbour should be grateful that the op seems like a reasonably decent person really. Plenty of others would not tolerate being woken up night after night by someone else's child.

The neighbour is a dickhead because your child was keeping them awake at night? And what's important is them mentioning it makes you feel worse?

Banging on the wall is Dickhead behaviour.
Yeah, that'll quiet a toddler.
Not

Yeah, that'll quiet a toddler.
Not

That's your job to quiet the child. Not the neighbours. Doesn't sound like you were doing a particularly good job of it yourself if the neighbor has resorted to that. At the very minimum, move the child away from the shared wall, or get up with the child.

It's annoying (more so when it's your own toddler!) but it really is just a short phase hopefully. I'd not say anything and get ear plugs.

Our neighbours had a puppy who was waking us (and them) up. They were apologetic but it really affected my sleep, so I know how annoying it is. We didn't say anything though and he's fine now. We've both had toddlers and babies waking one another up ten years+ ago so are all fairly understanding.

God Good, they've got enough stress without you adding to it. I can guarantee they don't like the crying any more than you do.

@Gonnagetgoing OP said she wants the neighbour to give their toddler the bedroom on the other side of the house, ie, the parents’ room. But she refuses to do the same swap herself. So it’s not about spare rooms.

At the very minimum, move the child away from the shared wall, or get up with the child

OMG, I never thought of that one! - - sarcasm--
Where were you with your brilliant advice at the time?!
It could all have been so different!

[quote JellybeansJelly]@Gonnagetgoing OP said she wants the neighbour to give their toddler the bedroom on the other side of the house, ie, the parents’ room. But she refuses to do the same swap herself. So it’s not about spare rooms.[/quote]
That's because the other house is and end terrace, to be fair