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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think you can't invite yourself to someone's house?!

150 replies

SpicyTuna · 08/03/2022 15:52

So a bit of a backstory (pls bear with me). My partner and I have been friends with this couple for almost 6 years now but they've now moved to another country. Almost 2 years ago, we visited that country but we didn't stay with them, so we just met for a nice lunch and at the end we were saying good-bye and I said it would be nice to meet again and that they were welcome anytime if they happened to be in the UK.

Fast forward to January this year, my friend messages me out of nowhere saying that they've bought flight tickets to come to the UK and gives me the dates. I find this odd, as she gives me details of flight times and everything so I braced myself and asked, where were they going to stay. She says, "With you, I hope it's not a problem". Bear in mind my friend is coming for TEN DAYS with her partner and 2 toddlers. Neither her nor her husband discussed any of these plans with us beforehand.

I asked my partner if he knew anything about this and he said he hasn't spoken with either one of them in months. We are both so surprised because they've never done anything like this (That I know of) and even if out of politeness I said they could visit us anytime, I'd still expect a heads up, especially because it's not just coming around for tea, it's hosting a family day and night.

They really are nice people but I don't know what to do.

Should I host them because it is my fault for welcoming them "Anytime" 2 years ago?
or
Should I ask them to find other accommodation for their trip?

OP posts:
Tuiwow · 08/03/2022 15:54

so what did you tell her considering that was end of Jan and we are now in March?

ThePlantsitter · 08/03/2022 15:55

a family of four for ten days? No way. I am the wussiest of all wusses and I would say no, it's too much for all of you. You could offer a night or two and help to find an airbnb if you're feeling nice/guilty.

emmathedilemma · 08/03/2022 15:56

Well they've definitely taken what you said quite literally but surely no one books flights and assumes they can stay without checking first?? (ok, it seems they do)

Woollystockings · 08/03/2022 15:56

Obviously you say no.

Shoxfordian · 08/03/2022 15:56

Did you say no?

incompetentcervix · 08/03/2022 15:58

Would love to see you but it's not convenient for you to stay the whole 10 days you could do an or b alternatives.

SilenceOfThePrams · 08/03/2022 15:58

You say no!
Unless you have the space, and want to host them, then you can either reply as if they’re joking, and tell them you look forwards to lunch together at some point, as when you visited. Or you reply as if they’re serious, and say sorry, not possible, but would love to meet up when you’re over.

Even if you were actually happy to host them, the way that works is they ask, and if you say yes, you find an appropriate time which suits all of you. You don’t just book tickets!

WouldIwasShookspeared · 08/03/2022 15:58

Why, when she said I hope that's ok did you not reply actually no, it's not ok. I would have assumed you'd book accommodation as we did when we visited your country. I can send you some info on local b&bs if you like but you can't stay here.

WorraLiberty · 08/03/2022 15:58

Eh? This was 2 months ago, surely you've given them a reply by now?

TeaForTiger · 08/03/2022 15:59

'We won't be able to host you here, but hopefully we'll be able to meet for lunch or something?'

puffyisgood · 08/03/2022 15:59

If you're in a Downton Abbey situation, where you can stick them in the North Wing or something & servants will look after them - YABU.

If your circumstances are halfway normal, e.g. taking on a family of four for two weeks would significantly impact your lifestyle - YANBU, obviously.

spacehardware · 08/03/2022 16:01

Isn't this an episode of peppa pig?

WorraLiberty · 08/03/2022 16:01

But either way, it should be totally obvious that YANBU to not put them up.

No-one books flights and then announces they'll be turning up for 10 days to stay, along with their two toddlers.

It's quite unbelievable.

spacehardware · 08/03/2022 16:02

Anyway as someone else said, why have you waited weeks before dealing with this?

Motnight · 08/03/2022 16:04

Do they have your address Op 😬

VickyEadieofThigh · 08/03/2022 16:04

We have close friends we go to stay with for 2 or 3 days at a time (and they with us) but I'd never book the dates without asking them first - they might be away themselves on those dates, for example.

Bizarre not to check the dates at least before booking.

LadyMaid · 08/03/2022 16:07

You are out of town on those dates.

ChaToilLeam · 08/03/2022 16:08

You’ll have to move house fast.

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 08/03/2022 16:09

Ridiculous of them to book flights without checking and asking you first but equally silly to extend an offer of stay anytime when it sounds like even with a heads up you didn’t mean it at all!

ToniLaRoni · 08/03/2022 16:09

So it's been weeks since they told you.

If you've not said no yet then you've made this much harder for yourself already!

People really need to learn that being a pushover isn't a good trait.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 08/03/2022 16:13

So she rang you three months ago?

Surely you dealt with it at the time? Confused

Lou98 · 08/03/2022 16:16

I think your friends are massively cheeky booking everything assuming they will stay with you without even checking.

However, they messaged you in January - we're in March now, I think it's also quite rude to not have told them no already if you don't want them staying.

When is there trip booked for? If it's coming up soon they may not now be able to find anywhere else, whereas, if you said no in January when she messaged they could have.

What did you say when she messaged you? Did you say it was okay but now want to change your mind because you've realised it's cheeky or did you say no at the time?

MermaidEyes · 08/03/2022 16:16

Like everyone else, I'm wondering why your AIBU wasn't in January instead of now. Are they currently on a flight as we speak?!

Unsureaboutit9 · 08/03/2022 16:18

Surely you’ve already dealt with this as it was months ago?

TeeBee · 08/03/2022 16:20

Cheeky mare!

I'd say 'I knew nothing about your planned trip, we have some work being done on the house/people already staying/working away those dates' and then plan to take them out to dinner while they are there. They will have to find alternative accommodation. Bloody cheek of it!