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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel uncomfortable putting make up on my 3 year old

382 replies

adastraperaspera1 · 07/03/2022 14:19

DD (age 3) does a dance class that she loves and is taking part in her first show next month.

In the information sent to parents, it says stage make up is mandatory and she has to wear: blue eyeshadow, pink blusher & red lipstick. It says mascara & foundation are optional but 'they do look better with them on'.

The show is mixed ages so I clarified whether make up is really required for Pre-School age and they said yes.

I do understand that it's stage make up and part of its purpose is to look 'better' under the stage lights, but I just feel really uncomfortable putting make up on her at age 3. To me, she is perfect as she is and teaching her about make up at such a young age sends the wrong messages to her.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 09/03/2022 07:48

My son wears stage make up when performing.

Rubyupbeat · 09/03/2022 07:55

They look better under the lights, not in normal life!

ancientgran · 09/03/2022 08:12

This is it really. People are talking about this like the three year old is going to be on some huge stage with professional lighting etc. Which may well be the case if you've got much older children or teens in a dance group. My two did dance on stage in a big theatre with professional lighting and they did it at 3 so they wore stage make up like the older children

ilovesushi · 09/03/2022 08:21

I am really surprised at how strongly people feel about this. My DD wasn't performing at such a young age admittedly, but I've never questioned putting make up on her for shows and never had an issue with it. Yes, they can look a little clownish backstage, but on stage they look fine. I'm chaperoning in a couple of weeks and am now dreading having to face angry mums arguing about make up. I won't be arguing BTW. Each to their own.

Landedonfeet · 09/03/2022 08:27

A 3 year old rubbing her gorgeous eyes and getting mascara in them

No fucking way

NotBeforeCoffee · 09/03/2022 09:40

I thought we were moving on from girls being pretty objects to look at. Yak. I wouldn't send my daughter there

EdgeOfACoin · 09/03/2022 10:02

@Restlessarms

Are the boys wearing red lipstick , blusher and mascara too? Or do they not need to "look better" ?
Yes, the boys wear make-up too. As has been repeatedly stated.

When I did dance and drama as a child there was no requirement to wear make-up during class. We all (boys and girls) wore make-up on stage so that we did not look washed out under the lights.

I did not wear make-up at any other time.

None of us looked like child hookers.

This thread is bonkers.

EdgeOfACoin · 09/03/2022 10:06

I should also add that 'not looking washed out' extends to defining facial features too. Everyone wore make-up regardless of skin tone to accentuate the eyes etc. (Accentuating the eyes and other facial features meant that they could be seen clearly from the audience.)

Comefromaway · 09/03/2022 10:06

I really wish I could post some photos of dd and her dancer friends (boys and girls) to demonstrate what good stage make up actually looks like (also the one time I didn't put her in stage make up and she looked like a faceless blob.

But obviously I can't post pictures of them without permission.

EdgeOfACoin · 09/03/2022 10:07

Anyone allergic to regular stage make-up wore hypoallergenic make-up.

Jobsharenightmare · 09/03/2022 10:07

Why would you want to put nasty chemicals on your little ones face so they don't look washed out? Who cares if they look washed out? They're not professionals.

Jobsharenightmare · 09/03/2022 10:08

Do we need to see their features? It's just parents and grandparents really? Would people complain they couldn't see the features of the toddlers?!

Comefromaway · 09/03/2022 10:10

@Jobsharenightmare

Why would you want to put nasty chemicals on your little ones face so they don't look washed out? Who cares if they look washed out? They're not professionals.
Most parents would like to be able to see their child's face. In many cases they will all be wearing an identical costume with identical hair (the lights mean you often can't determine hair colour or even differences in skin tone half the time). Washed out doesn't mean pale, it means you can't tell that the face has a nose, eyes or a mouth at all.
sunflowerdaisyrose · 09/03/2022 10:14

@Comefromaway I have seen/chaperoned more shows than I can count and the pre teens don't wear make up. I've always been able to see their features, know which child is which and enjoy the show. I've never once thought they looked washed out, even when performing with the older ones/adults who mostly do wear make up.

Comefromaway · 09/03/2022 10:18

You must be at a theatre where the lights are not strong then. I too have chaperoned more shoes than I've had hot dinners at dozens of different theatres, both professional and amateur and the type of lighting does make a difference.

speakout · 09/03/2022 10:47

Most parents would like to be able to see their child's face. In many cases they will all be wearing an identical costume with identical hair (the lights mean you often can't determine hair colour or even differences in skin tone half the time). Washed out doesn't mean pale, it means you can't tell that the face has a nose, eyes or a mouth at all.

I agree, with a large cast in a big theatre it can be hard to pick out your child. Make up helps define the features.

sunflowerdaisyrose · 09/03/2022 11:03

Well they're big professional theatres with all the stage lighting, though I'm no lighting expert! Most shows I chaperone are amateur but I do chaperone the professional panto at one and they still don't want the younger ones in make up.

Flatwhitetostayin · 09/03/2022 11:15

Whether it's standard practice or not, I would have felt very strange about putting mascara, lipstick or eyeshadow on my children when they were 3 year old. My children have very fair colouring so the features this type of make up highlights don't stand out irl, so highlighting them would imply to them they were in some way aesthetically inadequate. They are just tots so let them be natural. I would choose a different type of dance class or transfer to a sporting activity.

Landedonfeet · 09/03/2022 11:21

@EdgeOfACoin

Anyone allergic to regular stage make-up wore hypoallergenic make-up.
How would you know when first applying On a 3 year old Who is likely to rub her eyes

As I say - no fucking way

SoupDragon · 09/03/2022 11:34

Do you also object to the short little dance dresses or tight leotards they have to wear? (Boys don't have to wear those either FWIW)

It's just part of a costume, not regular wear.

Comefromaway · 09/03/2022 11:36

Boys do wear leotards?

SoupDragon · 09/03/2022 11:38

@Comefromaway

Boys do wear leotards?
Not for dance. They seem to wear shorts and a t shirt. At least they do at the dance school DD has been going to since she was 3.
SoupDragon · 09/03/2022 11:38

None of the show costumes have involved leotards for boys either.

Comefromaway · 09/03/2022 11:45

They wore a mixture at the dance school dd went to before she went to vocational school. Leotards for ballet and t shirt and shorts/trousers for tap and modern usually.

MrsAvocet · 09/03/2022 13:09

Leotards are pretty normal ballet wear for both boys and girls SoupDragon, usually with little shorts over the top for younger boys and tights for older ones. Some schools may have a more relaxed approach to uniform for regular classes, as indeed they might for girls too, but I'd say it is fairly unusual to find a school that doesn't expect the correct uniform for exams at least. And all the major exam boards to my knowledge specify either a leotard or tight fitting dance top which is essentially a leotard with the bottom cut off anyway, apart from the very early grades when a regular t shirt and shorts might be ok. The boys at all the schools I've been associated with all wore leotards/tights for ballet and either unitards or vest tops and jazz pants for tap and modern - as did the girls in fact. And plenty of show costumes were leotard or unitard based for both sexes. Not that I'm disputing your experience is true, but I'd say it's fairly unusual for boys who are remotely serious about dance to not wear leotards at some point.

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