To feel uncomfortable putting make up on my 3 year old

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DD (age 3) does a dance class that she loves and is taking part in her first show next month.

In the information sent to parents, it says stage make up is mandatory and she has to wear: blue eyeshadow, pink blusher & red lipstick. It says mascara & foundation are optional but 'they do look better with them on'.

The show is mixed ages so I clarified whether make up is really required for Pre-School age and they said yes.

I do understand that it's stage make up and part of its purpose is to look 'better' under the stage lights, but I just feel really uncomfortable putting make up on her at age 3. To me, she is perfect as she is and teaching her about make up at such a young age sends the wrong messages to her.

AIBU?

(Outside of theatre and dance I don't agree with young children wearing makeup, either. If it's a part of a costume and a performance then everyone is wearing it, of all ages and genders, and stage makeup is not an everyday thing. I don't wear any now unless I'm going to a concert, and even then only eyeliner, but if I were to perform again then I would wear makeup as required)

@Londoncallingtothefarawaytowns

I actually think this really shows your “ class” You’re right to refuse it. It’s disgusting these little girls dressed up like strippers. I’m sure she’s beautiful and talented as she is

💯 this.

So what if their faces are washed out by the lights or whatever- they are little children enjoying themselves (hopefully!)

Any child in an educational setting between age 2-5, before school starts is a preschooler. It's not an instant label given at 3 years old. A lot of 3 year olds are still in nappies and are still exploring social and emotional developmental milestones. 'Toddler' encompasses ages 1-3 inclusively.

Nope. It ends at 36 months. Nappies and their social development milestones are irrelevant.Of course there's going to be variation in their abilities as there are in all age groups but they still cease to be toddlers once they've reached their third birthday.

And you can call them just plain three year olds if you wish if you don't care for the term preschoolers but they still aren't toddlers.

@AppleDoghnuts

Just say she has recently developed a skin allergy and doctor has said you can't.

No don't say this!

Be honest and say you don't want her to wear it at her age!

My children are in an excellent musical theatre group who put on frequent full productions and they wear no make up until they're 13+ and look just perfect dancing/singing/acting on the stage without it.

I'd allow it for mine now they're older but no way at 3. They both did shows for a dance school at that age too and no make up there either, they did want buns if possible but one of mine had hardly any hair at that age so she was allowed a hair clip only!

@HoldingTheDoor

Any child in an educational setting between age 2-5, before school starts is a preschooler. It's not an instant label given at 3 years old. A lot of 3 year olds are still in nappies and are still exploring social and emotional developmental milestones. 'Toddler' encompasses ages 1-3 inclusively.

Nope. It ends at 36 months. Nappies and their social development milestones are irrelevant.Of course there's going to be variation in their abilities as there are in all age groups but they still cease to be toddlers once they've reached their third birthday.

I don't really give a shit about what age you think a toddler is or isn't to be honest. The majority of the medical professionals I work with consider a 3 year old a toddler and that's what I will base my opinion on thanks. Of course developmental milestones are relevant.

I find labels like " stripper", " prostitute", " "whore" appplied to three year olds very concerning.

I have never made the ascocciation of a three year old and a sex worker, no matter how they look.

Do those using these terms also think grown women who use a lot of make up look like prostitutes.
Misogynistic in the extreme.

@HoldingTheDoor

Any child in an educational setting between age 2-5, before school starts is a preschooler. It's not an instant label given at 3 years old. A lot of 3 year olds are still in nappies and are still exploring social and emotional developmental milestones. 'Toddler' encompasses ages 1-3 inclusively.

Nope. It ends at 36 months. Nappies and their social development milestones are irrelevant.Of course there's going to be variation in their abilities as there are in all age groups but they still cease to be toddlers once they've reached their third birthday.

Could you tell us which page of the rule book this is on please?

Three is a baby. How do you even get mascara on their tiny eyelashes?

How long is she on stage for. 90 secs?

I wouldn't do it

My friend has a daughter who is 6 and has dance classes and she’s always positing pictures of her at the dance competitions with her team mates etc and they are plastered with make up and I think it looks awful. They look like clowns and I just can’t understand why it’s done to such little girls who are probably very beautiful underneath it all.

My friend also hates doing it to her daughter bit has to just suck it up.

They look like clowns and I just can’t understand why it’s done to such little girls who are probably very beautiful underneath it all.

Because it's fun?

We got that letter too. I just sent mine in without it. One, I do not own anything so garish (who the hell wears blue eyeshadow?!) and two I assumed it was for older girls doing the proper show. The littles are just pre-show, cute warm up so they feel included while they’re learning the ropes. I was absolutely horrified to see all the others painted up. No one said anything and mine looked no more ‘washed out’ than any of them. She looked like a perfectly normal four year old, not a painted dolly.

YANBU.

You feel how you feel.

Big stage make up is just so people can see their faces - otherwise the lights would turn their faces into ghostly eggs.

Just call it stage make up and explain the science of that.

Speaking as someone who moderates A level drama practical work both live and on video I can confirm that lack of stage makeup has absolutely zero effect upon communication in role/how well you see them.
It’s a cultural convention in kids dance and it’s ok to like/not like that but fgs stop with the ‘it’s essential’ bullshit. It really isn’t.

My dd has been dancing since she was 18 months old (now 13) her dance school used to enforce make up and grotesque fake curly ponytails pinned to buns for all girls regardless of their age. Boys also had to wear it. The dance school principle used to have makeup on the side of stage to catch any children who didn't have enough on!!
Luckily the dance school was taken over when dd was 6 and now no makeup is required up to age 11 and age appropriate make up or no make up (child/parents choice) after age 11. Hair is 2 French plaits into a ponytail regardless of age. Boys don't have to wear any. Have bought every dvd of the show and watched every show every year there has been one and honestly there is no difference under the lights if the lighting is correct.
I would refuse to put your dd in the make up if you aren't comfortable with it.

My daughter danced for years from 2 to an adult and it is standard for kids to wear make up for the shows.

It's why I wouldn't send mine to dance classes. Some of her friends do it and I'm sorry, but I really don't like how they look coated in makeup at that age. It's often such "in your face" colours, which makes it worse, in my opinion.

Oh Goodness - I absolutely remember this dilemma with my PFB even though it’s 15+ years ago now. It was only because she was in a show many older dancers whose Mums were used to it ( huge theatre) that, with their advice, I reluctantly agreed ( DD one month off 3) . I nearly had a heart attack when I saw her close to ( bright blue eyeshadow, blusher etc) and it was all I could do not to march her to the bathroom to wash it off! HOWEVER - it bears almost no relation to “ real make up” as it is more clown like - and on the stage it looked absolutely perfect - you could see the children’s faces. She never asked to revisit make up for over a decade - so obviously was not scarred - but also showed up well on photos. Your dd will fade into the background without it - and after so much prep it would be a shame to miss it. Re boys - yes I believe they ALSO had make up on.

@Luredbyapomegranate

You feel how you feel.

Big stage make up is just so people can see their faces - otherwise the lights would turn their faces into ghostly eggs.

Just call it stage make up and explain the science of that.

But boys aren't forced to wear the same make-up and seem to be able to be seen perfectly well without looking like ghosts?

If this was the genuine reason, then fine - but it would apply equally to little boys, and it doesn't.

It feels as if everyone has swallowed this line about the makeup being essential for visibility - but it's a magic kind of science that only applies to one sex. Boys are fine as they are.

Personally I wouldn't like it either. Not at 3. I'd probably explain how I felt and if told it was still mandatory, I'd probably look at another activity.

One of my daughters went to ballet lessons when she was little and so did a couple of my granddaughters. They had to wear blue eyeshadow, lipstick and a bit of blusher for the shows. I can't say that it ever crossed my mind that there might be anything wrong with it. It was just part of the costume, like the ballet shoes, the tutus or the various items of clothing that the ballet teachers used to dream up. I was much more concerned with getting their hair up into a tight little bun with no stray whisps and no grips sticking out. That was a real challenge, particularly with the granddaughter whose hair wasn't very long by the time she was 3.

I don't wear makeup myself, because I can't be bothered with it. I also don't like clothes for little girls with styles or slogans which are tarty, for want of a better word. However, I always felt that stage makeup was just part of dressing up. It had no adult connotations but was just part of the dance costume, to be worn for a couple of hours - mostly spent racing around backstage whilst waiting for their turn - and then forgotten.

If it makes you uncomfortable, obviously you shouldn't do it, but I don't think it sends any message other than "this is what you wear onstage."

My son has had to wear makeup on stage froma very young age. I never really thought about it further than it being a necessity for not looking like he had a deathly pallor under the lights. Its a performance, and to my mind not much different to face painting....