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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel uncomfortable putting make up on my 3 year old

382 replies

adastraperaspera1 · 07/03/2022 14:19

DD (age 3) does a dance class that she loves and is taking part in her first show next month.

In the information sent to parents, it says stage make up is mandatory and she has to wear: blue eyeshadow, pink blusher & red lipstick. It says mascara & foundation are optional but 'they do look better with them on'.

The show is mixed ages so I clarified whether make up is really required for Pre-School age and they said yes.

I do understand that it's stage make up and part of its purpose is to look 'better' under the stage lights, but I just feel really uncomfortable putting make up on her at age 3. To me, she is perfect as she is and teaching her about make up at such a young age sends the wrong messages to her.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ancientgran · 08/03/2022 19:09

@2anddone

My dd has been dancing since she was 18 months old (now 13) her dance school used to enforce make up and grotesque fake curly ponytails pinned to buns for all girls regardless of their age. Boys also had to wear it. The dance school principle used to have makeup on the side of stage to catch any children who didn't have enough on!! Luckily the dance school was taken over when dd was 6 and now no makeup is required up to age 11 and age appropriate make up or no make up (child/parents choice) after age 11. Hair is 2 French plaits into a ponytail regardless of age. Boys don't have to wear any. Have bought every dvd of the show and watched every show every year there has been one and honestly there is no difference under the lights if the lighting is correct. I would refuse to put your dd in the make up if you aren't comfortable with it.
Does it depend on the stage lights? I only ask as at the school my kids went to they did shows twice a year at a professional theatre so maybe the lights are stronger than if they are at say the stage at a school. They were also further away than they would be on a school or church hall stage.

The make up was really unnoticeable to the audience, no one would notice lipstick or eyeshadow.

I do think the mascara must be for the older ones. I can't imagine getting mascara on a 3 year old.

MarvellousMonsters · 08/03/2022 19:35

@Bintymcbintface

Maybe the issue could be resolved by changing the lighting rather than having a bunch of children wearing cosmetics so they don't "disappear" under the lights
Oh yes. Simple. Why didn't we think of that. 🤦🏼‍♀️

What an utterly ridiculous thing to say. Strong lighting (on stage or tv, or in photographic studios) blanches features and skin tone. You need make up just to not look dead.

Stage make up on kids in dance shows isn't going to make them want to wear make up to school. What a bunch of pearl clutching over-reactions.

watchtheglitterdustswirl · 08/03/2022 20:10

No, no, nope. I would not be putting make up on my three year old. Foundation and mascara, are they having an absolutely laugh?!

My (three year old) is in a dance class too, there is no make up required even for the older class (my eldest is six and she's never been asked to wear make up either).

It's just grim. No bloody way. Can you imagine trying to get eye shadow and mascara off a three year old without it stinging their eyes? Ugh.

Hmm1234 · 08/03/2022 20:23

I totally see where you’re coming from. Can you make up able excuse that she has sensitive skin/ allergic to the stage makeup

Housemum · 08/03/2022 20:26

The blue eyeshadow/ right red lips uniform sounds very old fashioned - DD1 wore this for dance shows in the late 90s, dance school run by the old-style "theatrical", a lovely lady with strings of pearls and very strict rules (was actually a v good dance school though even then was becoming one of a bygone era). Youngest one is a teenager now and all children have to wear foundation "a shade darker than normal skin tone for light-skinned children", eyeliner and a "strong reddish lipstick". It's about seeing the eyes and mouths and not looking like a ghost. As they get older the girls (and boys if they want) add brown eyeshadow to define the eyes.

Back in the blue eyeshadow days, there was a child in DD1s class with sensitive skin and the mum chose not to use foundation or make up (not sure if she'd have been able to find something suitable or if it would've been too expensive just for shows). The girl was a fab dancer but she looked so pale on stage.

Restlessarms · 08/03/2022 20:34

Are the boys wearing red lipstick , blusher and mascara too? Or do they not need to "look better" ?

LaDamaDeElche · 08/03/2022 20:55

When I was a kid I did a lot of theatre stuff, including professional performances. We all had to wear stage makeup, boys and girls.

Londoncallingtothefarawaytowns · 08/03/2022 20:55

How can they not wear neon face paint ? Or a little glitter and lipgloss?
If it’s too do with “seeing “ them better ? Rather than frankly trampy makeup?

Lovely13 · 08/03/2022 20:58

Wow. Young not really past toddler stage wearing makeup is weird. I probably would have loved it at that age, though. But I think needs to be discouraged.

pradavilla · 08/03/2022 21:11

My 4yr old has a dance show coming up and they have said light make up optional. It hasn't even crossed my mind at all.

I wouldn't be happy with all that either. I'd be happy with a little eyeshadow and maybe some lipgloss but absolutely not foundation! Mascara I wld maybe just lightly put over the ends of the lashes at most.

Bertiebiscuit · 08/03/2022 21:34

No. It isn't fine, it's horrible - they cannot make this compulsory, nor should they be encouraging anyone this age to wear make up - I think they completely out of order, it's a very unpleasant idea that small children need makeup to look better - horrible oppressive and messed up, I would just say no

Mollymoostoo · 08/03/2022 21:57

A group of girls aged between 7 and 12 were at our local pub after a dance tournament and I was horrified at the makeup. For schools and judges to be demanding this is so wrong and to be honest on IWD I am shocked at people who normalise this. Girls and girls not mini women it isn't stage makeup, and it is dance ffs not Hollywood.

ancientgran · 08/03/2022 22:06

@Restlessarms

Are the boys wearing red lipstick , blusher and mascara too? Or do they not need to "look better" ?
Several of us have said that generally the boys wear make up, I would guess if it's a school where girls don't wear make up the boys don't either.
ancientgran · 08/03/2022 22:09

@Londoncallingtothefarawaytowns

How can they not wear neon face paint ? Or a little glitter and lipgloss? If it’s too do with “seeing “ them better ? Rather than frankly trampy makeup?
You put the make up so it looks natural under stage lights, I don't think neon face paint would do that.

Three year olds don't wear trampy make up, if they dance they might wear stage make up.

winnieanddaisy · 08/03/2022 22:11

My 10 year old DGD has been doing ballet and tap classes since she was 3 and she has been wearing makeup for any shows that she has been in since she was 3 . It's done her no harm at all . She's not interested in make up at other times , it's not spoiling her beauty etc etc . It's for a couple of hours once or twice a year .

SaveWaterDrinkGin · 08/03/2022 22:14

If it makes you feel uncomfortable then perhaps this isn’t the right dance class for your daughter.

I wouldn’t like it either.

Shuffletime · 08/03/2022 22:19

If it's in a proper theatre with proper stage lighting then yes, your DD and all the other 3yos (including boys) NEED to wear make up.

If it's a church hall stage with a couple of spotlights then no, not necessary.

AmyandPhilipfan · 08/03/2022 22:45

I had this exact issue last month with my 4 year old and her first dance show. Blue eyeshadow and red lipstick required. Fake tan and heavy mascara encouraged. I thought about talking to the dance teacher about it but decided to just send her with no makeup on. I knew there was a chance they would put some on her backstage but I didn’t want to put it on her myself. I did make sure her hair was slicked back in the required style, and actually that looked very smart, but when I was watching 3-5 year olds walking in with fake tan and bright blue eyeshadow I did personally much prefer the look of my non made up child. And when I saw them on stage I could see all of her facial features perfectly. Luckily they didn’t put any makeup on her backstage and they never said anything to me about it afterwards.

Blueink · 09/03/2022 00:37

No way. Personally would find blue eyeshadow and red lipstick horrendous on a child of any age.

GadyLaLa · 09/03/2022 01:45

This sounds gross, who in their right mind would put makeup on little kids? It’s weird! Why can’t they just dance & have fun, why do they have to look ‘perfect’ (more like trashy!) to do so? We want them to grow up so fast these days, it’s horrible.

Kanaloa · 09/03/2022 04:25

@Bertiebiscuit

No. It isn't fine, it's horrible - they cannot make this compulsory, nor should they be encouraging anyone this age to wear make up - I think they completely out of order, it's a very unpleasant idea that small children need makeup to look better - horrible oppressive and messed up, I would just say no
I mean they can make it compulsory. They can say ‘all children in the show have to wear makeup.’ They can’t force you to bring your child and have them in the show though. There’s the answer. If you don’t like your child wearing the makeup, remove them and send them to another club or class. In my experience most dance shows require some form of makeup for both boys and girls - my daughter always has had to wear makeup when on stage.
WTF475878237NC · 09/03/2022 04:36

Can you imagine the public backlash for discriminating against a young child for not being in makeup?

Kanaloa · 09/03/2022 06:23

Nobody’s discriminating against the child. Her mother doesn’t want her to wear makeup. The owners of the business want all the children to wear a uniform ‘look’ for a show. If the mum doesn’t like it she’s perfectly free to research different dance schools and clubs, and find one that doesn’t do shows/does shows that don’t require makeup, and send her three year old to one of those instead.

gogohm · 09/03/2022 06:35

I think this is a case of finding out that being in a dance school has certain expectations. It's no different to me sending my DD's to orchestra then saying I didn't think full length black evening dresses were appropriate on children. I think insisting on red lipstick is too much myself but it's the same for all

watchtheglitterdustswirl · 09/03/2022 07:43

@Shuffletime

If it's in a proper theatre with proper stage lighting then yes, your DD and all the other 3yos (including boys) NEED to wear make up.

If it's a church hall stage with a couple of spotlights then no, not necessary.

This is it really. People are talking about this like the three year old is going to be on some huge stage with professional lighting etc. Which may well be the case if you've got much older children or teens in a dance group.

A 3 year old in a church/school/village hall? No that's just gross.