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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel uncomfortable putting make up on my 3 year old

382 replies

adastraperaspera1 · 07/03/2022 14:19

DD (age 3) does a dance class that she loves and is taking part in her first show next month.

In the information sent to parents, it says stage make up is mandatory and she has to wear: blue eyeshadow, pink blusher & red lipstick. It says mascara & foundation are optional but 'they do look better with them on'.

The show is mixed ages so I clarified whether make up is really required for Pre-School age and they said yes.

I do understand that it's stage make up and part of its purpose is to look 'better' under the stage lights, but I just feel really uncomfortable putting make up on her at age 3. To me, she is perfect as she is and teaching her about make up at such a young age sends the wrong messages to her.

AIBU?

OP posts:
nitsandwormsdodger · 07/03/2022 20:13

I’d rather watch pale kids rather than made up kids
rubbing their eyes

CourtRand · 07/03/2022 20:22

It's not makeup like everyday makeup to look attractive. It's stage makeup to portray a character - like actors and ballet dancers. It's pantomime makeup.

SalsaLove · 07/03/2022 20:26

Please don’t do this. My young half sister was put in these shows for many years and came to believe that other girls were the competition. This never left her.

CourtRand · 07/03/2022 20:26

But of course it's your right as her parent to choose. I don't think it's that important how a 3 year old looks at a show.

MorganKitten · 07/03/2022 20:27

Standard for dance schools…

WTF475878237NC · 07/03/2022 20:30

Who cares if they look washed out? How odd. They're little kids.

LemonDrizzles · 07/03/2022 20:31

I also came to say do face paint of those colors, perhaps a heart and a star. See if you can really any other 3 year old parent to do the same.
All the best

speakout · 07/03/2022 20:32

My young half sister was put in these shows for many years and came to believe that other girls were the competition. This never left her.

My DD did this for many years and came to believe in the power of teamwork, of always seeing the best in others, of how new friends can be made from different places.

pastypirate · 07/03/2022 20:36

Dd2 goes to a dance school. There's a show once a year she needs make up for. She's 9 now but I've always been fine with it. Hers is eyebrows, brown eyeshadow, mascara and bronzer. She's supposed to have lipstick but I don't have any so that's that! She bloody loves it and it distracts her from choking on the hairspray 😂

MrsSkylerWhite · 07/03/2022 20:39

CourtRand

It's not makeup like everyday makeup to look attractive. It's stage makeup to portray a character - like actors and ballet dancers. It's pantomime makeup.“

So which character are these 3 year olds portraying, with blue eyeshadow and lipstick? Bet Lynch?

BungleandGeorge · 07/03/2022 20:41

Stage performers male and female wear stage make up to make up for the bleaching effect of light and distance. It’s not there to look pretty but to define the features and generally looks horrible close up! It’s part of theatre, not a big deal but it’s not usually mandatory for recreational shows, especially for little ones.

hulahooper2 · 07/03/2022 20:50

Londoncallingtothefarawaytowns Dance mum here , mine wore stage make up st 3 year old and definitely did not look like little strippers

SpicePumpkin · 07/03/2022 21:33

@HoldingTheDoor

Of course 3 year olds are toddlers, what a stupid comment!

Wrong. Babies become toddlers on their first birthday and they are toddlers until their 3rd birthday when they become preschoolers.

Any child in an educational setting between age 2-5, before school starts is a preschooler. It's not an instant label given at 3 years old. A lot of 3 year olds are still in nappies and are still exploring social and emotional developmental milestones. 'Toddler' encompasses ages 1-3 inclusively.
PleaseDontDriveMeBlind · 07/03/2022 21:44

I would have called a baby a toddler from the point they start toddling, not their first birthday. Mine was a toddler before 12 months.

Bunnycat101 · 07/03/2022 21:49

I don’t think anyone is objecting to stage makeup for older children/performers. I think the point being made is it’s likely excessive for 3 year olds who might do a bit of skipping and clapping. They’re hardly likely to be conveying the complex emotions of Odette on stage.

honeyytoast · 07/03/2022 21:51

I don’t know why, but I’m less opposed to the eye makeup/eyeshadow part - I suppose because it feels more like ‘face paint’/a costume. Face makeup like foundation however feels a lot more off, implying something is wrong with their 3yo skin.

MajorCarolDanvers · 07/03/2022 21:55

I'd be looking for a new dance class

dancinfeet · 07/03/2022 21:58

The parents all saying hell no makeup for their child are usually the first to complain when their kids face is a washed out blob on the show video. Always. Been teaching dance for 20+ years, and I always leave stage make up as optional for little ones. And the parents whose kids don’t wear it ALWAYS then moan that you can’t see their cherub’s face on the video- which is filmed live, complete with bright stage lights.

ToniLaRoni · 07/03/2022 22:23

My eldest performs twice annually at a large theatre with her dance and musical theatre school.

So far no make up ever required.

The costume requests and hair requirements are pretty specific. Very professional school.

Shows have always been amazing and the youngest ones always adorable. DD isn't in the tiny age group anymore as now in the 8-12 classes.

But certainly no make up on any of the under 13s in any of the shows so far. We've of course been to the performances and bought the professional photos and DVD. Can't say any of the kids look washed out.....

Barrawarra · 07/03/2022 22:26

@Soton

I'm just curious. Do the boys need to put on make up as well?
Good question. If the answer is no I’d be saying no way.
Foxglovers · 07/03/2022 22:30

There is no way I would allow this. It’s sending such a bad message to a young girl - even if it is stage makeup. She won’t know the difference. I wouldn’t do it I’m afraid…

WineIsMyMainVice · 07/03/2022 22:31

My daughter has also done ballet/Dance classes since she was 3. She has also done a show every year. We have never been told we have to have makeup - but some parents do. I’ve never put makeup on her and I think she looks just as (or more) beautiful than anyone else on stage!! You should definitely not be pressurised into doing anything that you don’t want to. Please don’t. At the end of the day if you don’t feel comfortable and they push it then this is maybe not the right dance school for you. Good luck op.

DirtyDancing · 07/03/2022 22:33

I mean ... blue eye shadow?! Make up and age aside that's pretty awful combination.

Seriously, no I wouldn't be introducing my 3 year old to that.

HiJenny35 · 07/03/2022 23:28

Yes you are being unreasonable. Its got nothing to do with how lovely or innocent young children look. Yes boys have to wear it too. No we cannot pay to change the whole rig of a theatres lights for your one show. No we can't turn the lights down as the people at the back can't see. Under the stage lights without makeup eyelashes do not show up at all, cheeks are invisible and look flat in photos sometimes even noses can't be seen. It's part of the requirements of being under large stage lights. If you don't want to then don't enter your child for the performance. Otherwise yes it's part of it that has no reflection and does not teach the child they aren't good enough simply explain the lights are bright so we can't see you clearly without it, job done, stop making a drama and it about women's rights etc when it isn't.

septumring99 · 07/03/2022 23:29

In my old dance recitals and competitions- which I did from age 4 to 14- the boys had to wear at least some makeup (foundation, blusher, mascara) and usually eyeshadow and lipstick as well. I had skin problems and couldn't wear foundation or blusher, but I did wear the rest as otherwise none of my family would have been able to see my face from the audience! We were on a small but proper local theatre stage with bright lights, makeup was necessary to be seen and also a part of the rest of the costume.