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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sharing bed sheets, is it me?

254 replies

MakeMineALarge1 · 06/03/2022 19:07

Ok I really don't know if I am being weird here, but I have my sheets on my bed that I share with my husband and my daughter has hers that she shares with her boyfriend.
I bought myself some new bedding last week, I have used it once, washed it etc and now she has put it on her bed!
I don't know why but it makes me uneasy, obviously its washed between uses etc, I can't verbalise it but if makes me uncomfortable.

OP posts:
Wavypurple · 06/03/2022 20:23

At first I thought ‘ew’ and I’m generally not a very clean/tidy person compared to most on here (not a dig, impressed at some poster’s cleaning habits tbh). But then I read the hotel comment and yeah tbh I don’t think I would care much about this.

godmum56 · 06/03/2022 20:24

nicking new bed set a no no but ick? of course not!

Gwenhwyfar · 06/03/2022 20:24

"I don't know about OP, but I have sheets in a different colour for guests."

But not for each separate guest surely?

Tilltheend99 · 06/03/2022 20:25

I understand why adult children sometimes need to still live at home but (based on observing other family members) some parents seem to enjoy complaining about their DCs but also love running around after them and never follow through with putting their foot down.

If you speak to her about taking your belongings without asking any she still does it put the rent up by the cost of the item (or start charging rent at the cost of the item if they are living their rent free) Do that every time and she will soon get the idea and start acting like an adult.

There is no point arguing about it in the way you normally would as that just means you will both continue in the parent/teen roles for many more years when you need to be talking and treating each other like adults. Talk to her as if she was a work colleague that stole your hole punch.

TacoCats · 06/03/2022 20:26

Take it off her bed. Grin

I would put a firm foot down about needing to buy her own stuff, she's 24 she should be thinking of moving out at that age than stealing her mums bedding lol.

Original poster
MakeMineALarge1 · 06/03/2022 20:27

@LittleBearPad

No! Bedding is personal. Given she keeps taking your things maybe it’s time she found her own place.
I live in hope........
OP posts:
Inertia · 06/03/2022 20:29

If it’s all kept in one linen cupboard, does DD actually know the bedding was bought for your room? Or did she just change her sheets and get the set on top?

AngelinaFibres · 06/03/2022 20:29

@Ffsmakeitstop

I can't get passed you used it once then washed it Hmm
I think she means she used it once for one week, then washed it and expected to put it back on her bed, not that she used it for only one night.
Original poster
MakeMineALarge1 · 06/03/2022 20:30

Just to clarify I did get her to take it off and remake it
She is 24 I cannot take her phone off her, or ground her, but every single time she uses something of mine I tell her its not acceptable! Its not the borrowing a coat etc that is the issue, its the fact she just presumes she can take

OP posts:
Original poster
MakeMineALarge1 · 06/03/2022 20:31

@Inertia

If it’s all kept in one linen cupboard, does DD actually know the bedding was bought for your room? Or did she just change her sheets and get the set on top?
she knows dam well that is not her bedding! She has just seen it liked it and thought she would have it!
OP posts:
MajorCarolDanvers · 06/03/2022 20:31

As long as its been washed and ironed - I really couldn't care less.

BrutusMcDogface · 06/03/2022 20:32

@LittleGwyneth

I imagine if you say 'Darling I'd rather you didn't use my bedding - I shag your father on that' she would probably stop doing so.
Brilliant! Grin
CarrieHughes · 06/03/2022 20:32

Why haven't you started taking her stuff OP?
Why haven't you started making it obvious how unwelcome she is?

buddylicious · 06/03/2022 20:33

What do you think happens in a hotel? You don't get new bedding every time!

theresAtablet4thatNow · 06/03/2022 20:33

If she does this all the time with everything, and she's 24, and you can't simply tell her "please don't do this" and have her respect your wishes... Then, yes, your only option is to hide the bedding or tell her to move out.

The time to put a stop to such entitled, selfish, and disrespectful behaviour was years and years ago, unfortunately.

Cherrysoup · 06/03/2022 20:34

So a wider issue than the bed. I’d you’ve had words multiple times, what next? Tell her to move out? Get really bloody cross? I’d find that extremely disrespectful. At 24, she really ought to know better.

EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 06/03/2022 20:34

I bought myself some new bedding last week, I have used it once, washed it etc and now she has put it on her bed!

If you bought it for yourself then it's understandable that you're annoyed it's been appropriated without a request. You didn't buy it for the household, but I wonder if your DD knew that?

I'm careful with my bedding and would be irritated if anybody else borrowed it as they tend to eat and drink in bed so they stain the linen. Mine is a thread count that is gentle on my skin (psoriasis) so I need it to wear well to justify the cost.

oatlattetogo · 06/03/2022 20:35

@unimagine

100%

Doesn't matter if they're new, expensive, whatever the reason, bedding is personal. Regardless of them being washed.

Im shocked at the people that are sarcastically commenting as if its not a big deal. In that case why don't you just share knickers if we are applying the same logic of "they've been washed".

Major ick. Maybe she doesn't see it that way which is fine, explain this once and it shouldn't happen again. If it does then that is her not respecting your wishes which she is clearly old enough to given she has a boyfriend. Also yes to removing them from her bed, set clear boundaries.

Bedding isn’t personal though. Unless you never stay anywhere other than your own home Confused

I have also definitely worn my mum’s/sister’s (clean!) knickers at various points in my life and lived to tell the tale.

Sparklingbrook · 06/03/2022 20:35

@buddylicious

What do you think happens in a hotel? You don't get new bedding every time!
I asked that and the OP said it's different because the hotel owns the sheets. The ones in question the OP does.
OfstedOffred · 06/03/2022 20:36

I dont have the ick thing.

But in my house there are sets of bedding that sort of match each room - the spare room bedding is double but mine & DH is king size, so it never gets mixed up, and the kids have particular sets they like so those don't often swap back and forth either.

tearinghairout · 06/03/2022 20:36

Nope. I have bedding I love and use for us, but (I wash it and) I put it on DD's bed when she comes to visit because it's the nicest.

stuntbubbles · 06/03/2022 20:37

I would never have dreamed of using my parents’ bedding! It’s very clearly theirs. Also their bed is emperor-sized and ours were singles, but still. Same with towels.

On the other hand, my mum has lent me clean knickers of hers, and socks, when I’ve stayed over unexpectedly. Never had the ick from that.

Your DD needs to stay out of all your stuff, but this sounds like the help-yourself attitude has been going on a while. You need some boundaries. Or to kick her out of the house…

OfstedOffred · 06/03/2022 20:37

In that case why don't you just share knickers if we are applying the same logic of "they've been washed"
I've definitely worn my sisters (freshly washed) pants on occasion Blush

Cailin66 · 06/03/2022 20:38

@Sparklingbrook

How does anyone cope in a hotel? Take your own sheets? At least OP knows who has slept on the sheets at home.
I always bring my own sheets and ask the bedroom staff to put them on, but I remove them myself at the end of our stay.
OfstedOffred · 06/03/2022 20:39

She is 24 I cannot take her phone off her, or ground her, but every single time she uses something of mine I tell her its not acceptable! Its not the borrowing a coat etc that is the issue, its the fact she just presumes she can take

Old enough to move out and pay her own rent, methinks