What are the rudest/funniest things people have ever said to you?

[Janeyjacke]

Mine were a friend in high school (we were around 15) "You'd be so pretty if only you got your teeth fixed."
I have a long European surname, and my first name has 3 syllabes. I phoned up about a job once, told the guy my full name. He repeated it to me as a question, and then laughed down the phone at it.

Told by my abusive ex partner several years ago that I was 'nothing', and a 'parasite'. I had done nothing to warrant this.

Not really rude but just amusing, when I was 27 a friend's partner told me that if I wanted to have kids I'd really better hurry up 'with my age'. Would be interested to hear others.

December 2020 I was in my bosses office, when she started chuckling and then proceeded to close her office door, and said 'I think you've gained weight' .. I stood there silently shocked, and she said 'we'll have you?', I'm 5"6 and weight 10 stone at the time, i usually weight around 9.5 stone so yes I had put on a few pounds, mainly because I was eating out of boredom during the November 2020 lockdown, I knew I had gained some weight and really didn't need her to tell me! I couldn't believe what had come out of her mouth. Unfortunately I hate confrontation and I just allowed her to speak to me like that eugh

Why are you a white person with the hair of a black person?
What the actual!

@CurlyLover56 You sound like a lovely person, don't let comments like hers change who you are, most people would be grateful to have someone as nice as you around.

I am mixed race and was asked where I "was from". I started by saying my Dad is Glaswegian. The reply? "Oh really? Where abouts is Glaswegia??" 😂

Bloke once told me, apropos of nothing, that I had huge tits. I looked down and screamed very loudly and very suddenly in complete surprise and shock (because I'd never noticed, you see). Scared the crap out of him.

Prick.

My friend works in a school with teenagers who have additional emotional and behavioural needs. This term the class are working really hard at reducing swearing. He was called a cunting Scalliwag which he admires for creativity.

Many, many years ago a friend and I walked in to a club and some guy used that old line 'you must be a model' as I went past him. My friend immediately said 'oh, he must mean me'. I was too stunned to say anything as she was deadly serious. We're still friends and she hasn't changed. I think we've all had worse said to us.

Similar Janeyjacke, I’d be so pretty if only I was the right weight!

Had loads of little digs about my weight from others since having kids.
But the most recent was from another school mum who told me the reason another mum didn't want hers and my child to be best friends was because we "didn't have enough status for them" I told her that's actually really offensive but I don't know who I was more offended by,the other mum or the mum who told me?

My Son (now estranged-his choice) told me to my face "The word 'Mum' is just a title, and "I'm not obligated to you, I owe you nothing". I will never get over the hurt.

"Oh so you are Jewish, I suspected as much, you've got the nose." 😬

A lady I work with saw me driving past her. Next day at work in broken Thai English “Ah, Mrs X, I saw you yesterday in your car, you look so pretty in car, so pretty, nobody can see you so fat”
Same Lady when hosted at my house with a group of staff “Ah, Mrs X, your house really classy, I didn’t expect that”
Both times said with a big smile and I found myself saying “Thank you” 🤦🏻‍♀️

At a wedding with 2 other couples, chatting with the two women when one said...'sigh...I wish I could be more like you two and not give a crap how I look. It would make my life so much easier'. Laughed so much I had tears running down my face!!

From my mum: You know it's weird, Penguin, that you've got so many friends. I can't understand it. I wouldn't want to be your friend and I don't know what's wrong with them all. They must all be really boring people like you. I can't imagine anything worse that you all all getting together to be boring together.

Also my mum, talking about her new neighbour: You're never going to believe this but Joan's daughter is the spitting image of you. The two of you could be separated at birth (tbh, I've seen photos and it's unnervingly true). It's weird though, because Joan always talks about her beautiful daughter and, I mean, well, she looks like you.

Probably the worst one was I went to hug my ex-partner and as I sat on his lap he pushed me off onto the floor saying 'get off you fat elephant'. All of the rudeness in my life has come from him and his family. And then he wondered why I left

My ex husband once said I was "shaped like an onion", which in hindsight is quite funny (and also not true).

Little boy bumped into me and his mum told him to 'say sorry to the little boy' . I am female and an adult

Me and my mum were chatting on a bus and some woman in their late teens turned and told my mum how I sounded so grown in regards to the topic we were discussing - again I am an adult and was for sure older than them

In an Indian restaurant with my sister and her then husband; my sister was in her cups and declaiming loudly about her sex life. I went to mime turning the volume down on her as if she was a TV/Radio, and my BIL just looked at me with a weary expression and said "that switch broke off many years ago, riceuten"

@TheGratefulBread

"Oh so you are Jewish, I suspected as much, you've got the nose." 😬

I've had that one more than once, but I'm not Jewish

At my sons primary 3 school show sitting in the audience...it gets to his part - he looks me dead in the eye and says into the microphone " Mum is that Dragon Soup you're drinking "? I could've died as all the other parents turned to stare 🙈...think it was a can of Red Bull 😂🤣

My soon to be exH said ‘you’re redundant as a mother now’ after I returned home having dropped our youngest child off at uni for her first day.
Well he was wrong and I chose to be redundant as his wife, which shocked him.

Oh my god, such toxic people in our lives!
For me…

1. Uncle when I was 10 (my brother has brain damage from a traumatic birth) a great shame it wasn’t the girl, what use is she going to be really?
2. My mum when I had a miscarriage shortly after finally delivering dd (5th miscarriage) well you’d not have coped with two
3. Ex-boyfriend before dh ‘ you’re just not the kind of person anyone would want to marry, being really honest. they might be in it for your house I suppose’.

I could go on, I clearly come across has having a hide like a rhino as I seem to collect people who feel they can be fucking rude/cruel!

Well done winniemum. He sounds mean.

As a teen, after a bout of really bad tonsillitis where I'd been in hospital my guide leader poked me in the stomach and said "Good, maybe it'll make you lose some weight!"

I was a 12-14 so hardly enormous!

When my Granny died, my next door neighbour was after her flat and asked if tb was plumbed for an automatic washer - at my Gran's funeral!

@planetme

MIL: you've got a lot of weight to lose havent you planet

To me, 12 hours after I'd given birth to her grandchild 😳

Also, I hadn't even got any weight to lose really as I'd been so ill with hyperemesis during the pregnancy i had only gained a stone and barely had a bump 😞

I will never understand what possessed her to say that, was almost 13 years ago and I've never forgot it

Yip I has this also a few days after I gave birth to my second child by my mother only a few hours after my dh said I still looked pregnant...my reply was 'no, just no'. I then walked out the room.