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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you screamed or stayed silent in labour?

625 replies

WibbleWobbleWibble · 05/03/2022 18:14

The other night I was watching an old episode of call the midwife with my mum and dad. Both of the women giving birth were screaming the place down and it got us chatting.........my brother was born at home and my dad said he never heard a sound from my mum even though he was in the next room (1971 dads were not welcome in the delivery room).
My mum said that she couldn't identify with the screaming woman as she went quiet when she was in labour, I was the same, I went quiet and didn't say a word during both my deliveries.
Judging by TV and movie representations of women giving birth everyone screams! I think just as many women stay quiet as scream, it's whatever works for you ..........

YANBU I didn't scream
YABU I screamed the place down

OP posts:
AngelinaFibres · 05/03/2022 22:59

@SickAndTiredAgain

Neither. I definitely wasn’t silent, but I wasn’t screaming like you sometimes see in tv dramas. It was more like the noise you’d make if you were trying to move something really heavy if that makes sense.
Beautiful description. I made that noise too.
ButtercupOfFlorin · 05/03/2022 23:02

Ah yea the mooing!

According to DH, the first time I mooed (which I only did when I needed to push) I was a bit high on gas and air, and after I did it I looked at him quickly and said “Was that me?!” Grin I don’t remember but he said he had to really convince me that the cow noise was coming from within my own body!

cafedesreves · 05/03/2022 23:04

@Holskey I was hearing my MIL telling me women make a lot of fuss about nothing and feeling cross. And quite a lot of women on this thread feeling smug!

I had a planned c section so no screaming but definitely not smug about it 😂

twilightermummy · 05/03/2022 23:09

I was absolutely beside myself in my first two labours however, I had been induced. I didn’t realise the significance of this until I had my third in which my waters broke naturally and it was all much more of a serene experience. It’s only dawned on me since then how scary my first labour, in particular, was. They had to monitor my son’s heartbeat etc and were considering forceps. It was a terrible blur but I think we should all cut ourselves a bit of slack. There’s no right way to do it!

sociallydistained · 05/03/2022 23:12

I cried lol

RAINSh0wers · 05/03/2022 23:15

I was fairly quiet-I remembered an episode of Born Every Midwife where the midwife had said to direct the energy into pushing and not screaming and I think it must have stuck with me! The second time I was really quite, except for when everyone left the room and I could feel DD coming!

Strokethefurrywall · 05/03/2022 23:27

I mooed and then I “errrrrrred” with exertion when I pushed them out.
How anyone expects a woman to do that quietly is an idiot.
Women are busy squeezing a human out of them, they should be able to make whatever damn noise they want frankly…

Leilala · 05/03/2022 23:31

Sat up to have an epidural and she was born a few minutes later! Didn’t so much as have a paracetamol and I didn’t make a noise either! All seems a bit dramatic to scream I mean it hurts the same regardless of what noise you make (or don’t) Hmm

tumtitum · 05/03/2022 23:34

I shouted and swore with my first 🙈 but was concentrating and silent with my second! Second was born much more quickly

ThatsNotMyGolem · 05/03/2022 23:37

I mooed involuntarily until the epidural kicked in.

Saracen · 05/03/2022 23:39

I didn't notice what I was doing. However, a few hours after each of my births, my DH took the newborn to show off to our beloved elderly next door neighbours, announcing proudly, "The baby's here!"

To which they laughingly replied, "Oh yes, we heard!!" So I guess I must have been a screamer.

But my 7yo slept right through all the screaming when their sibling was born.

EarlGreywithLemon · 05/03/2022 23:39

I screamed the place down. Back to back labour and I was in pain 6pm-6am, then abject agony from about 6am to 2pm.

No break, just pain, like I was being crushed to pieces. I don’t remember it being in any particular place, just everywhere. Codeine and pethidine did nothing. Awful awful midwife on antenatal who was very dismissive and said, as I was barely 1cm, no epidural for me until 4cm. I think I was actually shouting for help half the time!

And you know what, it helped - in that they finally took notice, transferred me to the labour ward and a lovely midwife - and lo and behold I could have that epidural!

I had it at 2pm- my body relaxed, figured out what to do, they broke my waters and I was pushing by 6pm.

I loved that epidural. And I loved that midwife, and anaesthetist and everyone who looked after me from that point on.

EarlGreywithLemon · 05/03/2022 23:41

@Leilala

Sat up to have an epidural and she was born a few minutes later! Didn’t so much as have a paracetamol and I didn’t make a noise either! All seems a bit dramatic to scream I mean it hurts the same regardless of what noise you make (or don’t) Hmm
I couldn’t help it!! Do you think I wanted to be in so much pain that I couldn’t help yelling for help? For 8 hours?
Saracen · 05/03/2022 23:43

One thing I wish I had known at the time was that swearing has been scientifically proven to help with pain relief. I didn't have a particular urge to swear, but if I'd realised it could be helpful, I might have experimented with a few choice words.

NameChange30 · 05/03/2022 23:43

@Leilala

Sat up to have an epidural and she was born a few minutes later! Didn’t so much as have a paracetamol and I didn’t make a noise either! All seems a bit dramatic to scream I mean it hurts the same regardless of what noise you make (or don’t) Hmm
Oh do fuck off
NameChange30 · 05/03/2022 23:43

Ha good cross post Grin

Chessie678 · 05/03/2022 23:45

I was fairly quiet and managed quite well until they broke my waters and I then completely lost control of myself during transition and screamed a bit (pushing, ventouse and episiotomy were fine in comparison). I think it was partly panic at how quickly it became painful and that they were monitoring baby so I couldn't move much. I was also completely out of it at that point - I had no idea what anyone was saying to me or what was happening. I wasn't screaming because I thought it would help with the pain or as some cry for attention! I'm very reserved generally and have never screamed in public outside of that context.

The smugness on this thread is quite nasty - it's similar to criticising other women for needing pain relief. People have very different experiences during labour. If you have a straightforward labour in a pool you might well cope better than someone who is induced and has loads of interventions or where baby is back to back or labour is very long etc..

catthatgotthecream · 05/03/2022 23:46

I was quiet but then when I'm anxious or worried I normally go into myself anyway.

MiracleBaby2022 · 05/03/2022 23:46

@Lemonysherbet

I probably wouldn't have screamed but mid labour I realised there's 2 places in this world you can scream as much as you want. The Nevada desert and the labour ward. I'd already done it in the desert so I actually had a go at it on the labour ward and it felt bloody good 🤣
🤣🤣🤣
OldMillenial · 05/03/2022 23:49

@HemanOrSheRa

Did anyone else feel that they were just in the zone and didn’t want interference? Yes Northernmum12. I told DP to stop stroking my leg between contractions, to stop talking, I told my sister that she stank and to get away Confused. I have a very vivid memory of just wanting to be alone with the midwife supporting me.
Same! Just piss off and let me do this with a professional, go get a magazine or a coffee or something
OldMillenial · 05/03/2022 23:50

@Nelliephant1

Silent. There's absolutely no need for all the dramatics!!!
Oh there is
Holskey · 05/03/2022 23:57

@Leilala

Sat up to have an epidural and she was born a few minutes later! Didn’t so much as have a paracetamol and I didn’t make a noise either! All seems a bit dramatic to scream I mean it hurts the same regardless of what noise you make (or don’t) Hmm
Screaming would be far less embarrassing than this post. I cringe for you.
curlydiamond · 06/03/2022 00:01

The idea of needing to focus energy on pushing instead of screaming was laugable with baby 3! I was yelling into the mouth piece for the gas and air (which was disconnected at that point) and remember midwife telling me to do gentle pushes and I stopped screaming to say 'I dont think this thing does gentle' and one big shout later baby was out. With baby one I was silent as contractions were 7 mins apart at the end so pretty calm, baby 2 I managed pretty silent hypnobirthing just fine after a fairly quick labour for my 10lb delivery. Baby 3 was like an induction, once things got going he flew out and it was utterly horrific (I felt traumatised for months afterwards) and I absolutely screamed my lungs out for the last 5 minutes. Three very different natural labours with different sound levels each time - anyone judging a woman on how she acts at her most vulnerable can do one, whatever works you go for it.

Quirkyme · 06/03/2022 00:16

I honestly didn't know people kept silent when giving birth?!

Tubs11 · 06/03/2022 00:16

I groaned quietly when I was pushing but that was more for the midwives than my own comfort otherwise how would they know I was pushing