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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so angry with this apology

234 replies

MariJx · 05/03/2022 09:21

A year ago my ex broke up with me. It wasn't a healthy relationship towards the end, borderline abusive. But he was the one to end it and cut all contact with me. I have only seen him once since when he approached me whilst I was out with friends, kissed me, told me he loved me & it was hard so hard to stay away from me, but that's what he needed to do as we couldn't be together. Otherwise I have not seen or heard from him at all.
I didn't cope well at all with the break up. I had a bit of a breakdown and had to see the dr. I am now having therapy.
So last night I received an email from him. It's supposed to be an apology I assume but it's filled me with rage. He talks about how I used to be confident in myself and 'unapologetically me' and he loved that about me. Then says he's sorry because he took all that away from me!! I feel like it reads like some kind of power trip.' 'You were a strong, independent woman and I had the power to ruin you and turn you into a complete mess' That's not a fucking apology is it??! He then says something about how he was trying to 'fix me' but I wasn't broken, so he broke me, then walked away because he couldn't stand to see what he had done to me! It's completely ridiculous bs!
Its really upset me and made me so mad. It's so completely bizarre and I have no idea why he sent it.
It's not an apology is it? He's not sorry. He's just trying to mess with my head, or make himself feel better that it's all OK because he said sorry.
Or aibu and just being overly sensitive... and he is actually trying to apologise..?

OP posts:
StuffYouAllInTheCrust · 05/03/2022 12:01

I normally wouldn’t respond but then I think he’d take that as him being right. I’d have to reply with, ‘What an absolute cock you are 😂’ and then block.

What a twat.

Seema1234 · 05/03/2022 12:06

I wouldn't give him any more head space. He's just trying to coerce you. What a weirdo. Well done for getting rid of him.

ElleGB · 05/03/2022 12:07

I’d reply “😂 are you ok hun?!” And block.

pictish · 05/03/2022 12:08

And that too. The idiot will take the silence and apply it to his own agenda. Too wounded, still too raw, I really tore her up…such is my potency as a man. She cannot face me.

I’d have to disillusion him of that.
“No idea what you’re on about. Hope you can move on. Please don’t contact me again.”

EthelTheAardvark · 05/03/2022 12:11

It's quite pathetic, really. He's desperately trying to get back some control over you because he hasn't found anyone else to control and that's about the only thing that makes him feel remotely good about himself. He obviously think that what he's sent is terribly clever, so ignoring him is very much the best strategy.

Lemonyfuckit · 05/03/2022 12:15

You're absolutely right, that is some class A BS. Whilst it would be tempting to tell him exactly what you think of this wanker, it will probably bother him more for you to completely ignore him. Block and move on.

CousinKrispy · 05/03/2022 12:22

Oh I'm familiar with this kind of "apology." It's just part of him keeping things on me, me, me. Definitely ignore.

stripeyflowers · 05/03/2022 12:23

@NETSRIK

Or send the 👍 as that covers all bases!
Ha! Yes a thumbs up would be superb!
prettyteapotsplease · 05/03/2022 12:24

Block him as he's still playing games. Do not give him the satisfaction etc ...

stripeyflowers · 05/03/2022 12:24

@pictish

And that too. The idiot will take the silence and apply it to his own agenda. Too wounded, still too raw, I really tore her up…such is my potency as a man. She cannot face me.

I’d have to disillusion him of that.
“No idea what you’re on about. Hope you can move on. Please don’t contact me again.”

You may well be right.
GiantHaystacks2021 · 05/03/2022 12:24

Do not reply. Ever.

Remember the saying about pigs and wrestling in mud.

He's obviously a total wanker, looking for some attention.

RJnomore1 · 05/03/2022 12:25

Nah don’t reply. Every time you’re tempted to, imagine him anxiously checking his email to see if you’ve read abs responded yet and smile to yourself.

Lurking9to5 · 05/03/2022 12:25

wOW, HE wants you to turn yourself out proving something to him

Do not bother. Let him think whatever he's going to think, or whatever he claims to think.

For your own sanity, shrug, and walk away shrugging.

He sounds like a grade A1+ emotional abuser

jytdtysrht · 05/03/2022 12:26

He wants a reply, any reply is oxygen.

Do not reply. Not even a word, not fuck off, not an emoji - nothing.

You are well rid of this nasty fucker and your best option is delete.

stripeyflowers · 05/03/2022 12:27

I wish I'd had mumsnet when I was young and foolish and wasting my time with bastards like this. Sad

Mummytobe93 · 05/03/2022 12:29

Respond with something like “mate, you’re really up your own arse” 🙄
He loved to mess with your feelings and now he’s trying to regain some of the control. In a nicest possible way, fuck him

BacardiOnATuesday · 05/03/2022 12:31

Any reply gives oxygen to him.

Tempting though it might be to respond, it starts an exchange.

He wants a response, a reaction. Don’t give him what he wants. Whatever he says, don’t respond. Delete. Move on.

Lurking9to5 · 05/03/2022 12:33

It's a drama bait.

He's baiting you in to defending yourself, your actions, your thoughts, your words or your behaviour.

Do not fall for it.

He wants you ''up in the dock'' defending yourself to him, appealing to him to see the good in you, or the strength in you.... who knows. But do not get drawn in.

I actually think a thumbs up emoji is a good response. He won't immediately think ''oh she was too smart to be drawn in'' because he doesn't realise how he gets his energy (from draining other people).

But walk away and do not start trying to reason with him or make him see the double standard or the lack of sense in what he said.

Benjispruce5 · 05/03/2022 12:33

Block. Don’t reply. Talk to your therapist.

WonderfulYou · 05/03/2022 12:34

I disagree that you should respond.
Even an angry response will show he’s gotten to you.
I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of thinking you’re still hurt by him.

stripeyflowers · 05/03/2022 12:34

OP, we are all so incensed at this moron it can be easy to miss the fact of how wonderful it is that you are so angry with his response - a perfectly healthy, appropriate response. A great sign.

Lampzade · 05/03/2022 12:37

I wouldn’t even respond. That will piss him off

Lampzade · 05/03/2022 12:39

Op, you should be thankful that he dumped you. He is a very stupid man

pictish · 05/03/2022 12:40

I am right. Silence won’t deter his fantasy. He’ll simply feed it into his narrative as further proof of his dark allure. Or something like that.

I’m way too cheeky to let that happen. I’m cackling at the thought of a flippant riposte. Imagining his chops drooping as his dark allure dribbles away. Then block.

needingpeace · 05/03/2022 12:43

I would reply “are you serious? You’re disgusting and my life has dramatically improved since we broke up. Get over yourself you drama llama. Do not contact me again. You’re horrific. Get help. You need it” then ignore any further emails and get into regular therapy and move on from this utter twat

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