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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be so angry with this apology

234 replies

MariJx · 05/03/2022 09:21

A year ago my ex broke up with me. It wasn't a healthy relationship towards the end, borderline abusive. But he was the one to end it and cut all contact with me. I have only seen him once since when he approached me whilst I was out with friends, kissed me, told me he loved me & it was hard so hard to stay away from me, but that's what he needed to do as we couldn't be together. Otherwise I have not seen or heard from him at all.
I didn't cope well at all with the break up. I had a bit of a breakdown and had to see the dr. I am now having therapy.
So last night I received an email from him. It's supposed to be an apology I assume but it's filled me with rage. He talks about how I used to be confident in myself and 'unapologetically me' and he loved that about me. Then says he's sorry because he took all that away from me!! I feel like it reads like some kind of power trip.' 'You were a strong, independent woman and I had the power to ruin you and turn you into a complete mess' That's not a fucking apology is it??! He then says something about how he was trying to 'fix me' but I wasn't broken, so he broke me, then walked away because he couldn't stand to see what he had done to me! It's completely ridiculous bs!
Its really upset me and made me so mad. It's so completely bizarre and I have no idea why he sent it.
It's not an apology is it? He's not sorry. He's just trying to mess with my head, or make himself feel better that it's all OK because he said sorry.
Or aibu and just being overly sensitive... and he is actually trying to apologise..?

OP posts:
DeepDown12 · 05/03/2022 12:44

'Awwww, sweetie, you're still going on about that??! Please try to move on - this can't be healthy for you.'

Then block.

Lurking9to5 · 05/03/2022 12:46

Trying to get the last word is engaging though.

It demonstrates more power to not NEED to have the last word.
If you try to get the last word, he knows you're still on the hook

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 05/03/2022 12:49

YANBU he's a dickhead. Don't respond, walk away; it'll piss him right off. He's on a power trip; you can't engage with anyone like that or they'll carry on.

I hope you get over your rage soon x

Gonnagetgoing · 05/03/2022 12:52

Don’t reply even if you’re tempted to, that’s what he wants. If anything I’d reply go fuck yourself and go fuck yourself some more and don’t contact me again. But that’s because I like the last word.

Honestly silence is the best policy.

LaChanticleer · 05/03/2022 12:52

Block, block, block him. Do not respond.

Get on with having a fantastic life without this abusive manipulative excuse for a man.

pictish · 05/03/2022 12:54

@Lurking9to5

Trying to get the last word is engaging though.

It demonstrates more power to not NEED to have the last word.
If you try to get the last word, he knows you're still on the hook

But you’re not still on the hook. You’re simply telling some deserving fuckface where to go before blocking him everywhere. Being rejected with no comeback isn’t a win.
Lalliella · 05/03/2022 12:55

@BornIn78

You’re well rid of this twat.

Block him on everything and don’t reply.

As often happens, the first poster nails it.
Gonnagetgoing · 05/03/2022 12:56

I wouldn’t normally advocate this but if you have a brother or male relative I’d ask if they can ring etc him to tell him to back the F away from you. He wouldn’t say this mind tripping twaddle to a man and is trying to mess with your head.

Nomad916 · 05/03/2022 12:56

I would reply with "Lol"

thepeopleversuswork · 05/03/2022 12:59

It is extremely tempting to reply with something cutting but its really not worth the grief, trust me.

Whatever your response, and however hostile or catty, it will be interpreted as a cry for his attention.

Just don't give him the satisfaction.

Yellowsubhubabubbub · 05/03/2022 13:01

Ooft GIRL ! NARCISSIST WARNING ! WARNING!

Into the recycle bin with you, email ! Cheerio ! Do not give any more headspace ! Do not reply!
Block and block and block every media !

Away out and go buy yourself something nice . Be it a posh coffee or cake or a little treat !

FUCK HIM. He’s not having one more day of your life !
It’s 1pm. You’ve got 11 hours left - go reclaim them
Woop woop
singing staaaartyourdayriiiiight fuckthatcreeeep
Grin
Star

Original poster
MariJx · 05/03/2022 13:05

The email did make me feel pretty shit and down about myself. Because what he said is partly true, he did put me in a bad place and I feel like I've had to rebuild my life after him. And stupidly I do miss him sometimes, or probably just the memories of the good times. But I do want to scream and shout and type so many hateful things to him. I will try and stay strong & ignore though! So thank you. You all think he's a complete twat too - I doubt myself a lot, so its good to hear x

OP posts:
Neotraditional · 05/03/2022 13:06

@AllOfUsAreDead

Oh but a proper reply could really bring this twat down on his knees...

Can say stuff to him like 'oh you didn't break me, you turned me into a more confident, powerful woman who has realised she doesn't need weak little men like you. I've got better men that I can talk to now and thank you for letting me see how much better life can be'.

Then block him so he can't reply. Will drive him mad.

I agree with this.
Yellowsubhubabubbub · 05/03/2022 13:09

@MariJx
YAAAS girl!
Have a great day !! Grin

PrettyVacancy · 05/03/2022 13:10

What a tosser! You’re going to be fine without that scumbag holding you back 😃

lemongreentea · 05/03/2022 13:10

@MariJx

The email did make me feel pretty shit and down about myself. Because what he said is partly true, he did put me in a bad place and I feel like I've had to rebuild my life after him. And stupidly I do miss him sometimes, or probably just the memories of the good times. But I do want to scream and shout and type so many hateful things to him. I will try and stay strong & ignore though! So thank you. You all think he's a complete twat too - I doubt myself a lot, so its good to hear x
please don't doubt yourself any longer. He's a grade A twat who is trying to make himself feel better again by trying to put you down with his nasty email.

You are well rid. Congratulations!

When you are ready and able, start to forgive yourself for putting up with his bullshit and learn the valuable lesson of loving yourself and knowing your worth Flowers

Gonnagetgoing · 05/03/2022 13:11

@MariJx

The email did make me feel pretty shit and down about myself. Because what he said is partly true, he did put me in a bad place and I feel like I've had to rebuild my life after him. And stupidly I do miss him sometimes, or probably just the memories of the good times. But I do want to scream and shout and type so many hateful things to him. I will try and stay strong & ignore though! So thank you. You all think he's a complete twat too - I doubt myself a lot, so its good to hear x
@MariJx - just write or email what you’d love to send him but don’t send it or burn the letter. You can if you’re into crystals etc do a ceremony for this. Even maybe a voodoo doll and stick pins in it. All the latter sounds nuts but it can make you feel better especially if you have had some narcissistic twat in your life!

Also do stuff to take your mind off this - so go for a long walk, plan a short trip away or immerse yourself into something that’ll take your mind off this, whatever works for you! Good luck and Flowers.

Gonnagetgoing · 05/03/2022 13:12

@MariJx

The email did make me feel pretty shit and down about myself. Because what he said is partly true, he did put me in a bad place and I feel like I've had to rebuild my life after him. And stupidly I do miss him sometimes, or probably just the memories of the good times. But I do want to scream and shout and type so many hateful things to him. I will try and stay strong & ignore though! So thank you. You all think he's a complete twat too - I doubt myself a lot, so its good to hear x
@MariJx - you can scream and shout too by the way! Therapists suggest punching a pillow (I never liked doing this!) but maybe take up boxing/boxercise etc m or martial arts. To release the anger.
Ttcfinalbub · 05/03/2022 13:13

No reply

Piglet89 · 05/03/2022 13:17

@MariJx does he use poor spelling and/grammar? If so, could print out his email, mark up the mistakes and send scanned mark up to him as a PDF.

Probs too much effort tho, just ignore and keep ignoring. This is a person who needs to feel significant; a response of any kind feeds that desire.

dapsnotplimsolls · 05/03/2022 13:18

Ignore and block.

Or something like 'Yes, dear' or 'Calm down, dear' then block.

Type what you want to say, print it and take it to your next counselling session. Work on yourself. As a PP has said, living well is the best revenge.

Ilady · 05/03/2022 13:32

Your worth so much more than he will ever be. He just got in contact with you because he wants his ego stroked, wants sex and thinks he can go back to the way things were. When the reality is that your working on moving your life and he is still stuck thinking the world revolves around him.

One of my friends was involved with a man like this in the past. They were friend s for a few years and she wanted a relationship with him. He kept blowing hot and cold on her. She caught him lying to her and put up a message on FB for his friends to see and sent a few messages to his friends also.
He sent her a smart message telling her all that was wrong with her and blocked her on FB.
Meanwhile he had a new girlfriend and within a few months she was pregnant.

A few years later he contacted my friend. My friend decided to reply to him as they had been friends in the past. Within a few weeks he wanted to get into a fwb situation with her. My friend told him you picked X over me so that won't happen. She also told him about the nasty messages she had gotten from his girlfriend as well. So he realised then that he could not have my friend for sex and meanwhile be playing happy families at home.
Several other things came to light about him over the past few years and my friend realised how lucky she was not to end up with him.

In your case I reply to him telling him I have no interest in you as your a nob and don't contact me again.
Block him on everything. Just be glad then that you have nothing to do with him.

Janglingkeys · 05/03/2022 13:34

“Just shared your message with friends - we had a laugh and agreed you are a cock- bye”

Ginandcrispsarebliss · 05/03/2022 13:52

He is a dick. Don't reply and block.
This happened to me with my ex. Back and forth, he ended the relationship, then messages. Knocked my confidence so much at the time. I ended up blocking his number and never speaking to him again. Slowly my confidence came back, I was enjoying life and then a couple of years later I met my DH. You don't need this man in your life OP. You are worth so much more.

Od130990 · 05/03/2022 13:53

Errrr What a egotistical wank splat!
Don't waste your time replying Op, he isn't worth it. Block and delete; he's clearly trying to wiggle his self hating ass back into your life. He knows you're worth way more than he could ever give and it's driving his little pathetic self absorbed mind crazy.