To say no fucking way.

[Rosebel]

My DD is 15 and she has a boyfriend who is 16. He used to live near but moved to London with his dad.
His dad has kicked him out and he's asked to come and stay with us. Initially I thought this was a one night thing but after talking to him it sounds like he wants to stay until he sorts something out.
In reality I don't want him staying for one night let alone temporarily. However I feel bad leaving a 16 year old alone without his parents.
I'm surely not unreasonable to say no am I?

Well, my ‘say’ is - back off and don’t kick someone when they’re down.

It’s the opposite of helpful, and what’s done is done.

What a nightmare 😞

A lot of the shaming posts are from people who have never encountered a manipulative and stroppy teen.

Reality is you need to look after yourself and your children first, and that means no boyfriend in the house no matter what the circumstances.

It's also a terrible idea to take in a troubled teen unless you have 100% signed up for it, they can be utterly draining.

Sometimes boundary enforcement as in taking him to the council office is exactly the right thing to do. He needs to learn to behave appropriately and not try to manipulate people.

Likely he has picked up negative behaviour patterns from parents, especially if the abusive mum story is true, so even more important that he learns the right way to live in a family home - which is not by forcing your way in!!!

Well done OP. Can't imagine having to do all of this while moving house and still carry on with with working and parenting on your own. You have done really well.

Good grief. People think corporal punishment is bad. Raising children with blame and shame seems to be almost worse. Look at what it has done to @Icehole. Can you imagine living in her head? The living embodiment of self-torture.

Well done, @Rosebel. Bet that's a huge relief. Hope the move goes like a dream.

A lot of the shaming posts are from people who have never encountered a manipulative and stroppy teen.

Absolutely spot on, so incredibly naive, plus they just want to vent their spleen & yet have no clue how the system actually works.

Taking the lad in would have done him no favours either & by the sounds of it, he is a manipulative wrong un & that's not a relationship to encourage for a 15 yo, let alone have him force his way into your home to live with her, which is effectively what he's done.

He needs proper help for whatever reasons & the OP can't provide that & definitely can't provide it with out risking her own DCs wellbeing

The only issue you may have now is that he might end up with his own place quite quickly. Most LAs wait to activate their housing until 18, but sometimes they can be in a support flat until then. Your dd could end up moving in with him unofficially at 18 if they're still together. Also he now has complete freedom. It's going to be tough as your dd will see that he can come and go as he pleases, the LA will pay him the equivalent of universal credit and he will get a lot of support. Your dd might look at this and want it.

The only issue you may have now is that he might end up with his own place quite quickly.

It'll have gold-plated taps in the bathroom and granite worktops in the kitchen

Depends where he is but I work with care leavers and it really doesn't take long in my LA. His council will have a duty to house him as a priority, he will be entitled to setting up home allowance and lots of support (that ne needs). He is only 16 so it's doubtful a tenancy would be signed before 18 but its not unheard of if its a support flat.

DDs friend was put into supported housing at 16 after repeatedly running away from home, prior to that though she was placed with families for temporary fostering, at 18 she had to move out into private accommodation, but here the LA (& I'm guessing this will be everywhere) move them in family homes as lodgers with support. She's now in an annex in a family home.

I agree with the DD wanting to move with him, we had that too, that's why I think the softly softly approach is best. In DDs case it turned out to be all pressure from her friend as she wanted company though, DD owned up to that once she'd woken up & seen friend for what she was.

I made him take it when we went to the council as I had no intention of letting him stay another night

Thank god for that; I'm genuinely surprised the council acted, especially at that time of day, but "even a stopped clock" and all that

Good luck dealing with your DD's histrionics, and I doubt you've heard the last of this, but at least he's out

@Rosebel I hope you had a peaceful night, well done for standing strong on this, it can't have been easy.

Well done. You E fine absolutely the right thing for your DD and the rest of your family.

@Rosebel, you did well to stand your ground and make sure he had alternative accommodation. I'd be having a talk with your DD and try to make her understand why he couldn't stay and how it's better for them to live apart at her age. I'd also get some CCTV up at the new house to keep an eye on whose coming and going, I remember very well how devious and unreasonable I was at their age!

How are things going OP? Did your DD's bf get temporary accommodation sorted for him by SS. Hope you're manage a stress free move

well done op

I am also wondering how things are? I hope all is well with everyone ❤️

Yes he's in temporary accommodation found reluctantly by SS.
He's due to have a assessment of some sort Monday and they might move him.
We moved house today. Eldest has been negative about everything but I know she's still angry with me.
On the plus side her attitude is about a million times better. She might be angry but at least she's not being rude and answering back.

@Rosebel

Yes he's in temporary accommodation found reluctantly by SS. He's due to have a assessment of some sort Monday and they might move him. We moved house today. Eldest has been negative about everything but I know she's still angry with me. On the plus side her attitude is about a million times better. She might be angry but at least she's not being rude and answering back.

Well that's great news, hopefully onwards and upwards from here 😊

Oh, and if I was OP's daughter, I would never forget this and probably never forgive it. I'd think, my mother's just revealed who she is to me

Totally ridiculous and over dramatic comment. This sounds like something a 12 year old would say.

Well done op, you absolutely did the right thing

I hope you're getting settled into your new home ok. Well done for keeping thing sane.

The very best of luck in your new home.