Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no fucking way.

529 replies

Rosebel · 04/03/2022 18:07

My DD is 15 and she has a boyfriend who is 16. He used to live near but moved to London with his dad.
His dad has kicked him out and he's asked to come and stay with us. Initially I thought this was a one night thing but after talking to him it sounds like he wants to stay until he sorts something out.
In reality I don't want him staying for one night let alone temporarily. However I feel bad leaving a 16 year old alone without his parents.
I'm surely not unreasonable to say no am I?

OP posts:
StaplesCorner · 08/03/2022 14:32

So you contacted the charity for help and advice then …?

SpaceshiptoMars · 08/03/2022 14:33

I think I'd change the locks and not give DD a key.

SpaceshiptoMars · 08/03/2022 14:34

And put an industrial strength chain on the door.

Landedonfeet · 08/03/2022 14:34

Get off this thread op
I’m baffled why wasting time on it
When you have limited time today to get things moving

pinkyredrose · 08/03/2022 15:14

Take him to the front door, push him through it and close it again.

girlmom21 · 08/03/2022 15:17

@StaplesCorner

So you contacted the charity for help and advice then …?
OP's had a lot of advice. She's dealing with the situation. It's not her responsibility to be contacting multiple charities on his behalf - it's his. She doesn't have to answer to anyone here. She's trying to do what's right by her family.
Arabellla · 08/03/2022 15:35

OP, you told him to be gone by 3pm or else you will call the police.

If he’s still there and you haven’t done it, he now thinks he can do anything he likes because you didn’t mean it.

You really need to follow through and call the police.

WouldIwasShookspeared · 08/03/2022 15:51

"I'm not enjoying the situation but he won't leave what do I do except call the police"

The only thing you can do is do what you told him you would do.

Otherwise he knows that he can simply refuse to leave your home.

Hopefully you have indeed called the police. He can't just decide he lives in your house as though you have no say in the matter.

jamandmarmaladeoncrumpets · 08/03/2022 15:57

@Rosebel

Any idea how to force a 16 year old who's bigger than me out of the house. You can slag me off all you want but unless you've actually tried to force a large 16 year old out of the door you've no idea how hard it is. And yes I know perfectly well who cooked this plan up. I also know until she met him she never behaved this way. So I already know they are bad for each other
@Rosebel call the police if he doesn't leave.

They will sort his bed and board for you......

StaplesCorner · 08/03/2022 16:03

She's dealing with the situation. It's not her responsibility to be contacting multiple charities on his behalf - it's his. She doesn't have to answer to anyone here. She's trying to do what's right by her family.

If she'd have contacted the one I suggested this could have been sorted out. How is that not doing right by her family ? Will she and many other posters only be happy if the 16 year old is arrested?

girlmom21 · 08/03/2022 16:06

@StaplesCorner

She's dealing with the situation. It's not her responsibility to be contacting multiple charities on his behalf - it's his. She doesn't have to answer to anyone here. She's trying to do what's right by her family.

If she'd have contacted the one I suggested this could have been sorted out. How is that not doing right by her family ? Will she and many other posters only be happy if the 16 year old is arrested?

There are 461 posts on this thread with a lot of suggestions for a lot of charities.

She was the one who didn't want to call the police.

MrsCBY · 08/03/2022 16:18

Nobody wants the 16 yo arrested, StaplesCorner, just out of the OP’s house. How else do you propose getting someone who’s physically a young man, taller, bigger and stronger than you, out of your home if he refuses to go when you ask him? That’s all people are saying to call the police for here, not to arrest him, FFS.

notthatonethisone · 08/03/2022 16:21

@StaplesCorner

She's dealing with the situation. It's not her responsibility to be contacting multiple charities on his behalf - it's his. She doesn't have to answer to anyone here. She's trying to do what's right by her family.

If she'd have contacted the one I suggested this could have been sorted out. How is that not doing right by her family ? Will she and many other posters only be happy if the 16 year old is arrested?

I've suggested the police. It's not that I want a 16 year old to be arrested.

But I'd like the ops children to feel safe and happy in their own home. The 13 year old has already said she's unhappy. She has to come first. As does the younger child with additional needs.

The op has said no to him coming. He ignored her. She op has said he needs to go. He ignored her.

She has offered other support. She has been reasonable. I think the police is a reasonable next step for someone refusing to leave her family home who has not been invited.

Original poster
Rosebel · 08/03/2022 16:25

We are at the council office right now. Have been waiting for over an hour and a half but not leaving until they sort it.
I picked up the phone to call the police and he suddenly decided he'd rather go to the council.

OP posts:
britneyisfree · 08/03/2022 16:28

In about 40 mins they'll get someone authoritarian to insist you leave. He must not leave the premises and insist he has no where to go!

RobertsRadio · 08/03/2022 16:29

Devious little shit isn't he. So sorry you are having to deal with this on top of everything else Op.

girlmom21 · 08/03/2022 16:30

@britneyisfree

In about 40 mins they'll get someone authoritarian to insist you leave. He must not leave the premises and insist he has no where to go!
Yes OP. They're keeping you waiting until it's closing time then they'll insist you take him home 'just for tonight' and make you feel guilty if you refuse. Stay firm. He is homeless. You have no room for him.

In fact, go to the desk and say you need to be seen now as you know he won't be helped if you wait any longer.

AlternativePerspective · 08/03/2022 16:44

So you contacted the charity for help and advice then …? why should she?

He’s 16, he’s not a baby. He managed to travel over 100 miles to the OP’s house after he had specifically been told he couldn’t stay. Until yesterday he has managed to hold down a job, yesterday he spent the whole day out of the house doing presumably fuck all. He is perfectly capable of calling a charity and saying “I’m homeless.” But of course he wasn’t going to do that, he thought the OP would have to put him up if he refused to leave.

As for wanting him to be arrested, well if he refused to leave and the police were called and he still refused to leave, then yes. I would want him physically removed from my property.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/03/2022 16:51

... sick of my DDs attitude which has been fucking disgusting since he arrived. So rude to all of us

I'd wondered about that, and it's no surprise; neither is him being "too ill" to go to the council and suddenly deciding he wasn't any more when you started to call the police

Whether they'll remove him if it comes to it is anyone's guess, but best of luck with the scene your DD will probably throw
It's good that you've come to terms with how thoroughly you've been played and also good that DH is due back soon; hopefully he'll have some suitable words for both of them

notthatonethisone · 08/03/2022 17:00

I would emphasise that your other children. The 13 year old is uncomfortable with his presence. That might shift them into action.

But stay firm. What a shitty position to be put in

LittleOwl153 · 08/03/2022 17:03

Sadly I agree with pp in that hosuing are going to try and dump this kid on you. Housing will sort him out but only if they have not managed to convince you it is not possible and he will be homeless if you Don't take him home.

Don't allow him to leave with you. Don't take him home. Tell your daughter that if he appears at your house tonight you will call the police and he will not be let in.

JingsMahBucket · 08/03/2022 17:07

@Rosebel I’d also tell the council that if they don’t house him you’re going to call the police to have him taken into care.

leviosa123 · 08/03/2022 17:13

I would've said yes to a week or so, but definitely wouldn't if he is "furious" that you've said no!

balalake · 08/03/2022 17:14

Hope the Council do sort it out, and you've been more than reasonable OP.

RockinHorseShit · 08/03/2022 17:36

I really hope it's gone well & that you've either handed him over or left him there.

I suspect there's a mother nearby who was so broken by his behaviour & accusations of abuse for normal parenting boundaries, that she's either handed him to his dad or he's gone there expecting an easier ride, but has found his dad expects decent behaviour from the lad too. This is their issue to sort out, not yours.

Be aware though that the abuse accusations can be used against yiu too. DDs ex friend coaxed her to accuse me of abuse, so leave home & live with her, every boundary & every no I said became abusive, whilst she was angry & abusing me. She twisted childhood memories too. The biggest mistake I made was getting upset & reacting, as it showed she'd hit a nerve so she did it more. Thankfully DD started to see through her friend & didn't want to leave home & the abuse accusations stopped. If this happens bite your lip & just say, " yeah, of course I am & roll your eyes" I so wish I had done that sooner

Good luck

Swipe left for the next trending thread