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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no fucking way.

529 replies

Rosebel · 04/03/2022 18:07

My DD is 15 and she has a boyfriend who is 16. He used to live near but moved to London with his dad.
His dad has kicked him out and he's asked to come and stay with us. Initially I thought this was a one night thing but after talking to him it sounds like he wants to stay until he sorts something out.
In reality I don't want him staying for one night let alone temporarily. However I feel bad leaving a 16 year old alone without his parents.
I'm surely not unreasonable to say no am I?

OP posts:
Jux · 08/03/2022 17:38

@LittleOwl153

Sadly I agree with pp in that hosuing are going to try and dump this kid on you. Housing will sort him out but only if they have not managed to convince you it is not possible and he will be homeless if you Don't take him home.

Don't allow him to leave with you. Don't take him home. Tell your daughter that if he appears at your house tonight you will call the police and he will not be let in.

Agree with this completely. Don't let the Council off the hook. Can you leave now, ie just leave him an make sure he understands that if he turns up at your house you will just call the police - such that he relays that information to the Council when it's his turn to be seen? Do you trust him to stay there and explain his situation truthfully?
ToryRussians · 08/03/2022 17:50

Wow tough situation OP. You’re doing the right thing.

Hopefully your DD will see sense when he’s elsewhere and she’s had time to think…

Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/03/2022 17:55

I’d also tell the council that if they don’t house him you’re going to call the police to have him taken into care

I wouldn't bother frankly - IME councils only (theoretically) care about what's their responsibility, and often try to weasel out of even that, so they're unlikely to give a stuff what OP does with other agencies

WallaceinAnderland · 08/03/2022 18:22

@Rosebel

We are at the council office right now. Have been waiting for over an hour and a half but not leaving until they sort it. I picked up the phone to call the police and he suddenly decided he'd rather go to the council.
Finally.

Of course he complied once you enforced the boundary. Now all you need to do is not let him back in your home.

Original poster
Rosebel · 08/03/2022 19:06

He has a bed for tonight at a youth hostel. SS are supposed to call him tomorrow and have given him a number to call if they don't get in touch with him tomorrow.
So he has gone to the hostel which is closer by than ideal.
DD hasn't said anything about it. I asked if she was okay and she just said yes.

OP posts:
RobertsRadio · 08/03/2022 19:10

Well done Op. You deserve a stiff drink after all that.

RockinHorseShit · 08/03/2022 19:21

Great outcome. So pleased for you. Smile

notthatonethisone · 08/03/2022 19:23

Well done op

Stiff drink. And call me cynical but I'd put the chains across the doors tonight. I'd still be on alert.

Philisophigal · 08/03/2022 19:30

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This has been withdrawn at the user's request.

MrsCBY · 08/03/2022 19:30

Really well done OP. Your DD will be grateful to you for this one day. And your other DC already.

Wine
RockinHorseShit · 08/03/2022 19:38

Just a thought. Id suggest framing it to your DD as... that you can see how kind she wanted to be to someone she thought needed help, & you're proud of her for that, but sometimes things aren't as straightforward as they look & that's something she'll understand when she's older. & it must have been a very stressful situation for her too & you hope she feels calmer in her own space now that the pressure is off & remind her that yiu are always there to talk

I agree she's behaved like a madam, but anyones guess as to what he's told her & how true it is. Sounds like he saw the opportunity because your DH was away & took it. Not saying she's innocent, but maybe the softly softly approach might work better to keep her onside right now

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 08/03/2022 19:43

Wow this is outrageous id be furious with Dd

JingsMahBucket · 08/03/2022 19:57

Brava @Rosebel

vampirewellness · 08/03/2022 20:26

Has he taken his stuff with him op?

Original poster
Rosebel · 08/03/2022 20:31

Yes I made him take it when we went to the council as I had no intention of letting him stay another night.
Not sure how to handle DDs relationship with her bf. I was so focused on him leaving I didn't really think beyond that. I'm hoping they can have a more normal pressure free relationship..

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 08/03/2022 21:24

Well done. You did the parental thing you had to do. Your DD knows now that she can trust that you mean what you say which will go a long way in your future relationship with her.

HoneyItIsntGoodLuck · 08/03/2022 23:17

You did the right thing @Rosebel.

And great suggestion from RockinHorseShit

Jux · 08/03/2022 23:53

Well done. Hope things work out, and good luck with the move!

Pixiedust1234 · 09/03/2022 00:42

Let's hope he finally understands you mean no. Congrats on standing firm but you must be feeling like you have been through a wringer Sad

Icehole · 09/03/2022 02:14

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HoneyItIsntGoodLuck · 09/03/2022 04:45

Helpful. Really helpful.

Newestname002 · 09/03/2022 06:09

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FirstTimeSecondTime · 09/03/2022 06:17

He will be fine. At 16, sis have a duty of care to him. If he is clever, he will let ss house and advise him,

Icehole · 09/03/2022 06:20

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HoneyItIsntGoodLuck · 09/03/2022 06:43

Calm down @Icehole - how does this actually affect you?