To think smacking was 'acceptable' in the 90s?

[Grapeflavour]

My parents smacked me as a child, usually if I did something they deemed as 'very naughty' or sometimes if I just didn't stop doing something quite trivial, they would threaten me with smacking.

I just assumed this was normal (albeit bad) attitudes back then, but talking to a couple of friends around the same age (30s) recently, it seems like that's not the case? They seemed pretty horrified that my dad used to occasionally hit me well into my teens if I pissed him off. As a teen he would often square up to me and threaten to 'knock me out' if I challenged him or talked back. I was 16 the last time he hit me. (I know this behaviour is totally unacceptable, and bearing in mind he is a huge 6"2 man and I was a 5"5 teenage girl). I think this has had an impact on me and trying to work through it.

Would you say it was fairly typical and normalised for parents to smack kids as punishment in the 90s? Or not at all?

I was smacked a handful of times, only ever by my mum and only when I had done something really naughty. I’m not saying that’s an excuse as clearly they did realise it was wrong on some level as it was never my dad who did it, but I do think thinking about it was different then. DH says his experience was similar; only hit a few times and only by his mum.

I was smacked a lot by my dm in the 80s and 90s. Through my teens she would slap me across the face. I'm not sure that was normal tbh and it has definitely had a lasting impact on my relationship with her.

A smack on the bottom or leg was fairly common. My children were born in the latter half of the 80's. We smacked ours a literal handful of times, but never once they got beyond 5 or so and never around the face or head. The church we went to at the time recommended using a wooden spoon and we were horrified by the idea.

Looking back now I am sad that we ever smacked our children. They really didn't need that kind of discipline and I would never do that now. We have grandchildren and wouldn't even consider smacking them. I'm very happy that it's so frowned upon now.

Young kids it was pretty normal but by late primary/secondary it was only kids from abusive households that were 'smacked'. It definitely felt very very different to the smacks you got as a young child. I used to feel very sorry for the kids who this effected.

It was more common but it was a rarity in our house. My dad's mum had a leather strap hung up that all their kids felt on the backside at some point.

Born in ‘85 and it was totally normal, everyone I knew would get the threat of a smack and it wasn’t unusual to see it happen in public places.

I was a member of the Scottish Youth Parliament in the early 00’s, when I was about 15, and remember we debated whether or not to make smacking illegal, I think at the time it was being discussed by the Scottish Parliament. As much as I would like I say I was anti-smacking then but there’s every chance I took the ‘never did me any harm’ point of view.

Of course now I would never smack my kids and would have a problem with any friends who admitted to it.

Was normal for me and most kids I was at school with. I was born in the late eighties so was fairly young during the nineties. I do remember my dad sort of shoving me around and once slapping me across the face when I was 18 during an argument which chipped my tooth a little.

I didn't realise it wasn't 'normal' to get physical with people until I was around early twenties. I wouldn't have thought it a big deal to hit somebody if an argument got heated. I don't judge them for it really. I don't smack my own children but have felt that I wanted to at times. They'd never smack my children now. My parents were both brought up in extremely abusive households and I don't think that the odd smack or losing temper every now and then is too bad for people who were brought up with violence as an everyday part of their lives.

Yes smacking was perfectly normal in the 90's in my experience.

My sons were born in the early 80s, and I smacked them if they'd been very naughty (the eldest was an absolute brat until he was about 9). It was the done thing with every mum I knew in those days. My sons were probably 7 or so when I found far more effective punishments - not being allowed to see their friends/have their computer games/watch their tv programme/have sweets, etc.

I'm 30 OP and my mum smacked me. Not often but there were definitely times where I was being chased around the house a d smacked out of anger.

I was talking to my DP 35 about this the other day actually (because we have a baby and we both agree we won't be smacking our child) and he was smacked quite a lot even as a teenager. He said his mum would "discipline" him when he was naughty and if he was really "bad" his dad would and he didn't want his dad to do it.

Makes me sick.

I just think it's horrible to be honest and born out of ignorance and poor parenting at best and child abuse at worst.

When I think of either of our parents laying a hand on my child... well, they wouldn't have hands left afterwards.

I'm 33 and was smacked as a child in the 90s but only occasionally, the last time I was aged 9. I think a smack on the leg, bum or arm was quite normal in the 90s - I knew other children whose parents smacked them (and some whose parents were against smacking) - but what you're describing OP sounds way beyond that

I remember seeing other children smacked in public - I have a clear memory of a girl who must have been about 6 being smacked on the bum (pants down) in the waiting room of our GP surgery. I was 9 when we moved to that town so this would have been 1997/1998.

I don't have DC yet but have no intention of smacking them when I do. I don't want my children to have memories of me hurting them.

Smacking was fairly typical, but not past the age of about 6, and definitely not for "talking back"

In our household, smacking was for e.g. unclipping from a child seat while in the car - dangerous behaviour at a time/ place that "time-out" wasn't an option.

I was a parent in the 90s and it was totally unacceptable. I don't know anyone who smacked their DC aside from XSIL.

We used to get slapped in the face by our parents in the nineties. Full on in public.

I don’t think it was normal for everyone to be smacked in the nineties. My friends at the time I would say it was 50/50.

It was pants down over the knee when toddler then from school age bent over a chair, bed etc pants down. Always as hard as possible and several times. Maybe 3 minimum. When I was 8 it was a slap on tje face by dad until my mouth bled once. Then slapped on the head. Lots of pushing, dragging, throwing and shouting. I hated when my mum would tell me wait till your dad gets home. Also seeing my younger siblings punished made me cry and feel sick. My parents were cold, uninterested and stressed. They consider themselves amazing parents and behave differently to others. Regularly told i was selfish, spiteful, didn't deserve things. Born late 80s

Quite apart from being abusive and violent, some of these are just fucking sick. Get your spanking fetish fulfilled elsewhere, shitty twisted parents.

You’re talking about a lot more than “smacking” though OP. That definitely sounds unacceptable.

I'm 40ish. At primary school age (so 1985-1991) I only knew 1 friend that got smacked (and ruler on hand), and the rest of us were pretty horrified when she told us, and this was a middle class rural area far away from most modern thinking.

At secondary (throughout the 90s) again I only knew this same girl who was smacked. However I do suspect it was probably more common amongst some groups at school, just not ones I tended to be friends with.

Emotional abuse, on the other hand, was rampant.

I'm 36. I was smacked a lot as a kid. Mostly by my mum. It was when they lost control and unfortunately, I can now empathise with some of it as I have come very close to lashing out physically in anger with my own children. I recognise the feelings and although I sometimes turn into an awful shouter like my mum, I like to think I could never physically hurt my own children.

My mum was definitely the worst and would sometime really flip and say some bloody awful things while hitting me, "I'll ram your head through that fucking window" is one that always stuck. And one time I remember being curled up on the stairs while she hit at me. It was mostly open handed hard slaps to the bum though. My dad's hits were a little more brutal but a lot less frequent, he would do a short chase that was enough to scare me away. I don't remember what was the cause of the smacking but it'd be fair to say I was a little shit and provoked them?

Although I know it sounds pretty bad now, at the time I didn't really consider it to be? I didn't think of myself as being abused and I wasn't actually scared of them; I remember it ended when I was about 14 and I physically pushed my mum back when she hit me for the last time, not enough to hurt her but enough to show her I was now bigger than her and wouldn't stand for it any more. But then, at the time I was going through severe depression so maybe they decided to go easier on me? Despite saying I didn't feel abused, I remember sitting in a therapy session and being specifically asked if anyone hurt me and knowing that I should say "no" even though in my mind I was thinking "well actually, kinda... their anger really makes things horrible sometimes."

I've never really explored or talked about these feelings, but I have had it in the back of my mind that they could potentially be like this with my children, their grandchildren. I wonder how others who were smacked by their parents feel about leaving their children alone with them? I've only really recently had reason to leave them alone, and all my children love their grandparents to bits and want to stay there.

I do strongly believe that they weren't/aren't horrible people and it was just a result of losing control when stressed and running out of patience. It did seem normal back then. And infrequently looking after grandchildren doesn't really present those circumstances that much, and there has been no hint of them getting close to how they were with me as a child. But have they changed with the times or should I be more resentful and concerned for my own children?

@LolaButt

We used to get slapped in the face by our parents in the nineties. Full on in public.

I don’t think it was normal for everyone to be smacked in the nineties. My friends at the time I would say it was 50/50.

I can't even begin to imagine a parent smacking a child in the face, in public or in private. That is abuse if ever I heard it.

@Onemorebaby

It was pants down over the knee when toddler then from school age bent over a chair, bed etc pants down. Always as hard as possible and several times. Maybe 3 minimum. When I was 8 it was a slap on tje face by dad until my mouth bled once. Then slapped on the head. Lots of pushing, dragging, throwing and shouting. I hated when my mum would tell me wait till your dad gets home. Also seeing my younger siblings punished made me cry and feel sick. My parents were cold, uninterested and stressed. They consider themselves amazing parents and behave differently to others. Regularly told i was selfish, spiteful, didn't deserve things. Born late 80s

Onemorebaby, when I started reading your post I imagined you were from a much earlier era but you were born ten years after my son! There was no smacking in our household and son's friends didn't receive corporal punishment either (both husband and I were smacked and shouted at as kids sometimes but never injured). I am sorry you suffered so much.

Although I know it sounds pretty bad now, at the time I didn't really consider it to be? I didn't think of myself as being abused and I wasn't actually scared of them

Of course not. The abuse was normalised.

I remember it ended when I was about 14 and I physically pushed my mum back when she hit me for the last time

What did I tell you, folks? If the kid ever manages to fight back, suddenly the parents learn not to do it any more. Incredible. And deeply ironic, when you think about it.

I remember being at primary school in the late 80s and the head teacher would get a "naughty child" up in front of everyone during assembly, put them over her knee and snack their bottom

This was in front of everyone, other teachers etc

It wasn't done behind closed doors. I remember being shocked at seeing that...it would be unimaginable at DC's primary school now!

My mum hit me, threw things and was generally pretty awful until I was 14 maybe? At that point I relatiated and she didn't do it again.

I get very upset at confrontation and hate arguments. I physically shake afterwards if someone is aggressive towards me now.

Cheers mum!

Early 90’s I remember smacking. Never the beatings you hear about from earlier generations. People still thinking smacking was acceptable but it being a light smack on the leg or bum