To think smacking was 'acceptable' in the 90s?

[Grapeflavour]

My parents smacked me as a child, usually if I did something they deemed as 'very naughty' or sometimes if I just didn't stop doing something quite trivial, they would threaten me with smacking.

I just assumed this was normal (albeit bad) attitudes back then, but talking to a couple of friends around the same age (30s) recently, it seems like that's not the case? They seemed pretty horrified that my dad used to occasionally hit me well into my teens if I pissed him off. As a teen he would often square up to me and threaten to 'knock me out' if I challenged him or talked back. I was 16 the last time he hit me. (I know this behaviour is totally unacceptable, and bearing in mind he is a huge 6"2 man and I was a 5"5 teenage girl). I think this has had an impact on me and trying to work through it.

Would you say it was fairly typical and normalised for parents to smack kids as punishment in the 90s? Or not at all?

Growing up in the 70's a 'smack' across the back of the legs or the hand was fairly commonplace I think but even then not universally approved of. Poor old DH even got the cane at school.

@Silvershroud can totally relate. in our house dad was prone to unpredictable explosions for random 'reasons' - holding your knife wrong, borrowing a hairbrush, the 'wrong' dinner... these were usually 'clips round the ear' which were like a sharp whack on the side of the head? Or dinner would go flying across the room. I remember a chair smashing into some wall units. Sometimes the slipper or the belt, a great big wide leather thing with a heavy buckle. Can remember it coming out of its belt loops. Having said all that, it was the daily verbal pummelling that killed me inside.. People must have known, neighbours MUST have heard.... but no one ever. did. anything. Including mum. I knew it was worse than what was going on in other houses but you kind of feel separated from every one else?

I spent a lot of time at friends houses. Funnily enough, they never wanted to come to mine.

I was born in '88 and my parents were totally against any kind of physical discipline.

I was never smacked and nor were any of my friends.

My dad was born in the fifties and he regularly got the cane at school (Australia) and his dad used physical discipline too.

Oops, posted too soon - DH was born a few years before me (in '84) and his dad would smack though he'd never dream of doing it now.

Baby of late 80s and it was very accepted that we were smacked. With a hand or a hairbrush sometimes. My mum also used to chase after me to give me a smack when I was naughty... I find that awful now. I can't imagine my DD running from me in fear I would hit her

The way you dad behaved was vile and not just a case of a smack on the bum because you ran into the road.
My mum smacked me once. I can't remember why. We both looked equally horrified though.

I think a smack on the bum was more acceptable then but I don't think it was the norm.

@HoppingPavlova

I remember I got a slap on my bum from my dad once and it has stayed with me forever. It's because I called my granddad a fucking bastard for not letting me have a Mars bar!

Nowadays, a parent would just sit you down and talk about your ‘big feelings’. The outcome of that is that next time granddad refuses a Mars bar, the kid calls him a fucking cunt rather than fucking bastard as they know the consequence is a twee talk.

No, nowadays the advice is not to create an atmosphere where a child thinks calling someone a fucking bastard is normal in the first place. But that's harder and requires more work and responsibility than just smacking the child up for learned behaviour, so I guess that's why you don't like it.

And that's not what the "big feelings" method is for, but I don't expect a hitter to have any emotional intelligence.

It was quite normal to everyone I knew as a child, however I don't think that it was acceptable in the eyes of everyone.

At school I was asked what came after 3, and I said smack, which prompted a call home to my parents and some questioning from the teachers.

TBF they did take it too far. Somehow being able to smack your children at that time translated to beat the shit out of them. It opened the door to huge amounts of violence in our household, so I do find it abhorrent because I think when you've broken down that barrier of I'll smack you, it quickly turns into, I'll smack you into next week/take your head off your shoulders, and those attacks come for more and more trivial things, it just becomes an outlet at that point doesn't it?

Suffice to say, my children are not/will not be smacked.

Your father hitting you and threatening to 'knock you out' is appalling.

I was a quiet, withdrawn kid who always did well at school but both my parents smacked me and hit me in the face. My father attacked me when I was about 13 once because he thought I was 'looking at him the wrong way'. That was abuse, pure and simple.

I never understood the idea of smacking a child. If you were to smack a random adult you would end up in police custody or if you did that to an animal you would be reported to the RSPCA/taken to court, which is absolutely how things should be.

Yet some people think it is and was OK to do that to a child who can't hit back.

I grew up in the 90s and smacking was definitely normal and acceptable when I was growing up

I was born at the beginning of the 80's and was lightly smacked maybe 2 or 3 times when I'd done something particularly naughty/dangerous. Stopped by the time I was 7/8. I think by the 90's it was less common and acceptable although working in retail I would still hear parents threatening their kids with a smack right into the 2010's.

I was smacked a lot as a kid. I'd agree it was normal in the 90s. Perhaps it depends what circles you move in?

I'm so glad that most people now realise that it's not ok.

@Notimeforaname

Yeah we'd get a smack of a slipper🤣 Or it would be launched across the room at you if you didn't shut up talking over the telly. Also got a lot of ankle grabbing halfway up the stairs. It caused me no further grief in life. I find it funny thinking back. 🤷‍♀️

I think the fact that you find violence towards children funny proves that it really has caused you issues.

@HoppingPavlova

I remember I got a slap on my bum from my dad once and it has stayed with me forever. It's because I called my granddad a fucking bastard for not letting me have a Mars bar!

Nowadays, a parent would just sit you down and talk about your ‘big feelings’. The outcome of that is that next time granddad refuses a Mars bar, the kid calls him a fucking cunt rather than fucking bastard as they know the consequence is a twee talk.

It stayed with you forever because it happened once and was a one off thing most likely. Has it irreparably damaged your relationship forever because you were smacked once? Maybe it has and I apologise if that's the case, but this sounds like a one off not a regular thing, hence why you'd remember it

It was normal in the middle class families I knew. Not very frequent but yes, it happened and wasn’t hidden. I guess similar to occasional shouting at your child now. Wouldn’t be an ‘ideal family moment’ but also nothing to get too worked up about.

I had a dad who did the yearly smack once a year, and a mum who would just beat and terrorise and I'd cry so much I could not stop blubbering and you could feel the twang all over for about 30 minutes

The acts are both called smacking but they aren't the same thing. It shouldn't be done/legal anyway because people will always cross the line.

As soon as it becomes regular you end up with a volatile bully who beats at the drop of a hat, and who has to do it harder and harder to get the same reaction. Best not to go down that path, but somebody needs to clarify what is meant by smacking because it could ne anything really

My parents never smacked me or DB. But I saw some of my friends parents really go to town on their kids. Horrible to witness. It was usually done out of stress or tiredness on the part of the parent.

My kids were born in the 90s and smacking was an absolute no-no for me and my friends with babies/children. I was aware that some still smacked their kids but I associated that with (apologies) ignorance and bad parenting.

I was born in the 80s and grew up in the 90s. I was smacked. My 'd'm would shout at me and then when my df got home she would tell him to punish me and he would by smacking me. I also regularly got smacked with a wooden spoon over my hands.
I wasn't actually a naughty child, all I wanted to do was be good. Their parenting has had deep lasting scars on me, although the shouting at me hurts me more emotionally than the smacking. When they stopped smacking and I had to sit on the stairs instead I used to dream of running away. I would have preferred the smacking. My 'd'm once made me sit on the stairs for two days and I wasn't allowed nothing but bread and water whilst she bought my younger siblings sweets. She told me that's what going to jail would be like. So yeah normal to smack in abusive households.

Fairly common and normalised in the 90s but starting to be frowned upon in some quarters.

Nowadays, a parent would just sit you down and talk about your ‘big feelings’. The outcome of that is that next time granddad refuses a Mars bar, the kid calls him a fucking cunt rather than fucking bastard as they know the consequence is a twee talk.

In my (extensive) experience, the children who are usually more likely to call people a fucking cunt are the ones who have grown up in families where abusive language and violence (including hitting kids) are the norm, not in families where people are able to talk sensibly about their feelings.

I'm all for firm boundaries and saying no to your kids, but a lot of what's important is the behaviour you model to them. And swearing, threats and hitting are not good behaviour to model.

Threatening to knock someone out or squaring up to them wasn’t normal then and isn’t what I’d class as smacking, that’d be abuse in my eyes. But “traditional” smacking was normal in the 90s, although my family didn’t partake thank goodness!

I thought it was normal then too, I was smacked occasionally for naughty behaviour, it wasnt hard enough to hurt afterwards. I dont feel like my parents were being abusive at all and it was normal for the time?

I agree with pp that threats to knock you out and squaring up to you as a teenager isn’t normal.
But i was a 90’s baby and I was definitely smacked on the bum (with a hand over trousers- and not extremely hard) or threatened with a smack on the bum for bad behaviour- until I was about 12/13 years old.
I was a very good kid in general too and can’t remember getting smacked more than a few times- it wasn’t a regular thing it was saved for if I did something pretty bad/dangerous.
I don’t agree with smacking at all (but I’m not personally scared by my experience)
my mum says she regrets using it as a parenting technique and wouldn’t if she had her time again.
I think it was normal at least between my friends on a similar sort of level.

Born in the 70s and never got smacked. Only a couple of friends I remember got smacked.

I think it depends which part of the 90s you were born in, I was born in 1990 and it was quite normal, I was smacked, but only when I was very very naughty, and never that hard.

I remember towards the latter half of the 90s and early 2000s there were a lot of debates around it and the general consensus was starting to shift towards “it’s never okay to smack your child”.