To think smacking was 'acceptable' in the 90s?

[Grapeflavour]

My parents smacked me as a child, usually if I did something they deemed as 'very naughty' or sometimes if I just didn't stop doing something quite trivial, they would threaten me with smacking.

I just assumed this was normal (albeit bad) attitudes back then, but talking to a couple of friends around the same age (30s) recently, it seems like that's not the case? They seemed pretty horrified that my dad used to occasionally hit me well into my teens if I pissed him off. As a teen he would often square up to me and threaten to 'knock me out' if I challenged him or talked back. I was 16 the last time he hit me. (I know this behaviour is totally unacceptable, and bearing in mind he is a huge 6"2 man and I was a 5"5 teenage girl). I think this has had an impact on me and trying to work through it.

Would you say it was fairly typical and normalised for parents to smack kids as punishment in the 90s? Or not at all?

@HoppingPavlova

I remember I got a slap on my bum from my dad once and it has stayed with me forever. It's because I called my granddad a fucking bastard for not letting me have a Mars bar!

Nowadays, a parent would just sit you down and talk about your ‘big feelings’. The outcome of that is that next time granddad refuses a Mars bar, the kid calls him a fucking cunt rather than fucking bastard as they know the consequence is a twee talk.

Can you honestly not think of a way of raising children with boundaries and manners without hitting them? That's so sad.

I was born in 87 and I wasn't ever smacked, and don't recall seeing any friends smacked, but it was definitely part of the general culture at the time - I remember random adults saying things to children like 'oooh, you'll get a smacked bottom if you do that!'. My grandmother (who never lay a finger on us) used to go on about 'clipped ears' which used to horrify me as I thought it meant cutting them off.

I find the idea that as the last generation where smacking was normal we must have been much better behaved quite amusing - I remember all the hand-ringing pieces in newspapers in the late 90s/ 2000s about what dreadful, disrespectful teenagers we all were, and how we'd been spoilt by our indulgent helicopter parents. I find it astonishing and a bit funny to hear people of my age starting to say the same about 'kids today'.

I find the idea that as the last generation where smacking was normal we must have been much better behaved quite amusing - I remember all the hand-ringing pieces in newspapers in the late 90s/ 2000s about what dreadful, disrespectful teenagers we all were, and how we'd been spoilt by our indulgent helicopter parents. I find it astonishing and a bit funny to hear people of my age starting to say the same about 'kids today'.

I totally agree. I've always thought that the old "kids of today have no respect and are useless" trope is just something that old people have always said. It's a tale as old as time. It's hilarious listening to people harp on about it as if it's aome sort of new epidemic of terrible weaklings, and not just a part of them getting older, being grumpy and disliking change.

I sometimes wonder if in future years it will be regarded as badly to, for example, shout at kids as it is today to smack them. We'll have studies showing the damage it does and it will be called 'emotional violence' or something.

@RobynMyEmployer

I sometimes wonder if in future years it will be regarded as badly to, for example, shout at kids as it is today to smack them. We'll have studies showing the damage it does and it will be called 'emotional violence' or something.

Possibly. Screaming and bellowing at kids isn't good parenting either. Why, did you think it was?

I find the idea that as the last generation where smacking was normal we must have been much better behaved quite amusing

It's fucking risible, demonstrably untrue and is a bullshit belief held by people who are desperate to excuse shit parenting, either their own or their parents'.

@Ididanamechange

I think the later 90s where when attitudes to hitting children really started to change, in the early 90s a smacked bottom or back of the legs was still seen as acceptable , for young children at least. Your dad threatening to knock you out was definitely not normal at any point

I came on to say exactly this. I was born in the early 80s and was definitely smacked on the bottom.

@RobynMyEmployer

I sometimes wonder if in future years it will be regarded as badly to, for example, shout at kids as it is today to smack them. We'll have studies showing the damage it does and it will be called 'emotional violence' or something.

I mean I do think it’s bad and wrong and unhelpful to shout at children. So we’re pretty much already there. It’s not good parenting. And outside of that I don’t like shouting in the house, not shouting at people or being shouted at.

If the DC were all so well behaved in the past - why were parents hitting them??

@UndertheCedartree

If the DC were all so well behaved in the past - why were parents hitting them??

Because they were beating the naughty out of them when they were small. It would be massively wrong to hit a teenager of course but they didn’t need to because of their superior parenting skills.

I was a child in the 80s, teen in the 90s and I was smacked but I think only as a small child - never hard, always on the back of the hand and to quickly stop me doing something I had been told not to, because it was actually dangerous / something would get broken for example. My brother is 6 years younger and he was too, so that was probably into the early 90s, think it was pretty standard among my friends. It was never about hurting us, it was more the shock of being smacked which made us stop doing whatever naughty and/or dangerous thing we were doing which we'd already been told not to. I think that chimes with fact it was always on the hand to prevent action by us, rather than on the bottom 'after the fact' as a form of punishment if that makes sense. I genuinely don't have any issue with having

Posted too soon. I don't have an issue with having been smacked by my mum (don't think my dad ever did) because it was never hard, never to hurt me or punish me. Obviously though times have changed and it's completely unacceptable now.

BeingATwatItsABingThing Sat 05-Mar-22 08:09:54
UndertheCedartree

If the DC were all so well behaved in the past - why were parents hitting them??

Because they were beating the naughty out of them when they were small. It would be massively wrong to hit a teenager of course but they didn’t need to because of their superior parenting skills.
............
Yeah . Also because teenagers were big enough to hit back :-). Hitting a young child is bullying and bullies are cowards.

I was born mid-70s to Guardianista parents who occasionally smacked me on the arse. The only occasion I can remember either parent losing control was when DM (who is the mildest tempered person I know) slapped me in the face when I was 13. It was a complete one-off

It wasn't just smacking that society tolerated: fighting at school was just normal. I have no idea of the number of fights I ended up in, particularly at primary school, but also secondary, and I grew up in a naice area.

A particular memory is of a supply teacher at my primary school smacking the class clown every five minutes in a completely futile effort to make him behave. He thought it was a big joke. She made herself look ridiculous.

As for my parents, who I love dearly, I don't blame them at all and won't hear anything against them. We just know a bit more now about behaviour and we have smaller families so it's easier to children more attention. Tbh I get a bit sad when I see people like them denigrated and I wonder what future generations of parents will judge us for.

@Elsiebear90

I think it depends which part of the 90s you were born in, I was born in 1990 and it was quite normal, I was smacked, but only when I was very very naughty, and never that hard.

I remember towards the latter half of the 90s and early 2000s there were a lot of debates around it and the general consensus was starting to shift towards “it’s never okay to smack your child”.

I feel like it was the middle or late 00s then the balance shifted to it being generally seen as bad parenting. My memory is that until then there were parents that didn't, bit there was no judgement of parents who administered the occasional tap on the backside if they were in general good parents. Even now I suspect it goes on now than is generally acknowledged.

No. I was a child in the 60s, 70s and a teenager in the 80s. My parents never hit me even though my DF was a child. He was very clear with everyone, I was not to be touched. I have never hit my DS.

I was born early '80s and my siblings in the '70s and none of us ever smacked/hit etc although we did get threatened with a "clout" if we were really naughty. I knew my parents would never follow through though.

Tbh I get a bit sad when I see people like them denigrated and I wonder what future generations of parents will judge us for.

If it turns out to be something as damaging and stupid as hitting them, I'll take the criticism as well deserved and won't try to stop them from saying so. I'll just be glad that they know better so they don't fuck up their parenting too.

Did your mother ever slap anyone else in the face? Her boss? A parking warden? A tailgater?

Honestly, once you know a parenting technique is demonstrably shit and damaging (as if this one shouldn't have been obvious to anyone), your concern should be making sure it doesn't continue, not whinging on about how terrible it is that people are criticising it. Who are the snowflakes again?

@Bromse

BeingATwatItsABingThing Sat 05-Mar-22 08:09:54 UndertheCedartree

If the DC were all so well behaved in the past - why were parents hitting them??

Because they were beating the naughty out of them when they were small. It would be massively wrong to hit a teenager of course but they didn’t need to because of their superior parenting skills.
............
Yeah . Also because teenagers were big enough to hit back :-). Hitting a young child is bullying and bullies are cowards.

So true

I (70's child) was never hit. I never hit my very early 90's child or very late 90's child.

@TomPinch - I agree. When my 14yo was little I knew 4 mums who would smack their DC. 2 did it lightly on the hand, 1 smacked her DD's bare bottom quite hard and another varied where but did it hard and multiple times! It was awful.

Even now I suspect it goes on now than is generally acknowledged.

I think smacking is now like smoking - either no one you know does it (or at least admits to it) or almost everyone does.

I used to live somewhere that you'd very often see toddlers being smacked (and screamed at) in public - this was 5 years ago. Shockingly this did not seem to produce the perfectly behaved teenagers that apparently could be expected according to this thread...

My kids were born in the very late 80's and early 90's. In my peer group it was perfectly acceptable to tap your little one on the hand or bottom if they were spectacularly naughty but there were also parents who didn't smack. Either was ok.

I hate to admit it but I was smacked as a kid. We used to also get the slipper across the arse and I remember my dad having this long blue stick in the corner of the room he used to threaten us with when his temper was starting to go, but I only remember it being used small number of times.
I think my mother used to smack us too, but I don't recall it ever going past the age of 7/8.
There were 3 of us, maybe they just couldn't handle the stress of kids with 4 years from oldest to youngest. But I'd never EVER smack mine. Not after i've experienced it, it will never be acceptable. Not then, not now.