To think smacking was 'acceptable' in the 90s?

[Grapeflavour]

My parents smacked me as a child, usually if I did something they deemed as 'very naughty' or sometimes if I just didn't stop doing something quite trivial, they would threaten me with smacking.

I just assumed this was normal (albeit bad) attitudes back then, but talking to a couple of friends around the same age (30s) recently, it seems like that's not the case? They seemed pretty horrified that my dad used to occasionally hit me well into my teens if I pissed him off. As a teen he would often square up to me and threaten to 'knock me out' if I challenged him or talked back. I was 16 the last time he hit me. (I know this behaviour is totally unacceptable, and bearing in mind he is a huge 6"2 man and I was a 5"5 teenage girl). I think this has had an impact on me and trying to work through it.

Would you say it was fairly typical and normalised for parents to smack kids as punishment in the 90s? Or not at all?

My friends and I were talking about this a few weeks ago. All young teenagers in the early 90s all smacked as children with occasional teenage smacking.
Very normal.

Sadly it was commonplace in my house aswell OP. But no, it isn't normal.

I only know of one family where physical punishment happened and it definitely went too far. The kids were scared of their dad and it was an unhappy home. They grew up hating him.
Your dad's behaviour was wrong and was not acceptable in the 90s.

I was born early 80s and my siblings and I were never smacked. My parents weren't particularly shouty either but my mum just gave a look and you knew she was pissed off

Definitely normal where I grew up. My dad never even considered smacking us but my mum went way over the top with it.

I don;t think it was. I think it became unacceptable some time in the 1980s. Certainly by the time I had DC (millenial babies) it was 100% unforgiveable.

Your parents were shit, OP, sorry. Smacking is always shit parenting and nobody should be surprised that a man who bashed a young child around went on to threaten to knock her out as a young teen. Not as if he ever learned anger management, is it?

Smackers like to say that they're good parents because they offset their shitness by doing what parents are supposed to do in other regards. I remain unconvinced. But it's always a failure and an independently bad parenting choice, even in the 90s.

No not normal at all

My children were born in the 90s and they were never smacked and it was very frowned upon by my circle of friends.

Fun fact: every parent I know, including mine, who said they couldn't possibly handle their children without hitting them managed to learn to control themselves once the kids slapped them right back.

Amazing.

Things my parents said to me while snacking me as I was growing up:

I'll beat you black and blue
I'll beat you to within an inch of your life
I'll tan your hide

I no longer speak to them

Born 1981. Got a smack and rare belting in 80s. I was a teenager in the 90s so probably pissed my parents off less...

70s child here and I was never smacked.

@Impier

Things my parents said to me while snacking me as I was growing up:

I'll beat you black and blue
I'll beat you to within an inch of your life
I'll tan your hide

I no longer speak to them

Good for you. I hope they know why.

Yeah it was normal (born mid 70s). I used to deliberately provoke my mum and eventually I began hitting her back

@DrSbaitso

Fun fact: every parent I know, including mine, who said they couldn't possibly handle their children without hitting them managed to learn to control themselves once the kids slapped them right back.

Amazing.

I’ve never known anyone to smack their own parents, they would have been too scared to do that! 😱

Not sure about 90s but def seen as ok in the 80s

Very unusual for us to get smacked and and don't ever recall my dad ever threatening us with it, or my mum really (even although my dad is quite an aggressive person)
My dp on the other hand would regular get a hiding, as did his siblings. We are both just over 30.

My children were born in the 90s and were never smacked by DH or I. Smacking was totally unacceptable to us both.

I grew up in the 60s and 70s and wasn't ever smacked, though I think I was fortunate as it was common enough then.

Smacking a child between, say, 3 and 10, was much more accepted than now. But for a father to hit and threaten to 'knock out' a teenage daughter would already have been deemed unacceptable by many.

Born in the mid 80s. Was smacked as child and threatened with smacking. I’ll be honest though, my upbringing wasn’t the best.

I’ve never known anyone to smack their own parents, they would have been too scared to do that!

Well, they're much bigger than you, so they're counting on you being scared. And of course, many children are. That's what hitting smaller, weaker people is meant to do. Scare them.

But I do know a few people who did it as teens, and miraculously, the parents learned self control as a result.

I didn't actually hit my father but as he ran at me, I shouted at him that I wasn't as small as he thought any more and if he touched me I'd smack him right back. I meant it, too. Astonishingly, the man who claimed he couldn't possibly control his temper and it was unreasonable to expect him to managed to rein it in that day.

Like I said... amazing.

I was hit well into the 90s! Last i remember was 15. Right across the back of the head and my glasses flew off. I think he realised he'd crossed a line. The thing is, I think even if you have people saying it was normal, it will range from a tap to a full on blow so it still doesn't give you an idea of what was going on in the 90s. I was the youngest of a large family so my parents in the 90s still had a very 70s view of parenting

Yes, it was more normal. Primarily the tapping or light smacking that pps are talking about, but because that’s subjective it allowed people like my dad to hit me a lot harder, while I’m sure thinking it was all perfectly respectable and norms. When I got smacked, it bloody hurt and left palm prints. I also had the threats. Like you, I haven’t really got over it op.

I’m glad it’s now unequivocally wrong to hit kids. No fudging around tapping.

I'm wondering what difference it makes if it was normal or not? The impact it has or hasn't had on you remains the same.

The idea that "well everybody else was hitting their kids so I did too" can be used as some kind of excuse is to me a fallacy. The adults still made the choice to hit and threaten with physical pain people who were younger, smaller, and more vulnerable than them, who relied on them for everything. Those facts aren't new, they're blindingly obvious. The parents who chose to hit their kids knew that too, and they made their choices. Just like we do too.

I'd say the only thing that actually makes a difference is if those parents say "I'm/we're truly sorry. At the time yes, I/we did that because we believed it was the best/only way. As time has gone on I/we can see that it wasn't." And are sincere.

The parents who say things like:
"Well you were a handful." or "Well you were strong-willed" or "I had to keep you in the straight and narrow" or "Stop navel gazing, it's in the past" etc., well, they'd may as well just hit you again now, because they're still excising hitting a child. But they wouldn't, because you're not smaller than them (or less significantly), you're likely not vulnerable or entirely dependent on them..and you're an adult who can walk away. They're utter cowards. Can't admit to what they've done and think hitting defense kids is ok.

The responsibility for their actions remains with them alone, even if everybody else was doing it. They had a choice not to. They didn't take it.