Jo Malone candles and MIL.

[Flatdeadfrog]

I've name changed as details are a little bit outing as I've talked to friends about this.

My MIL is a bit of a scented candle aficionado and can be a bit precious about the types of scented candles she'll have in the house. That's fair enough, as you like what you like. BUT for mothers day, she has specified she wants a new scented candle for her hall.

DH likes to oblige his mum as she's actually lovely, but his default is to just buy an expensive Jo Malone candle. We don't actually have a Jo Malone budget, as we are feeling the pinch as I am on maternity leave and we're struggling a bit financially because of it.

DH and I have had an argument about it tonight, as I feel that MIL would be upset to think that we're spending our weekly food budget on an expensive candle (and frankly I think it's a waste), but DH really wants to get something nice for his mum. MIL loves scented candles, but something cheaper like a Yankee candle would just be shoved to the back of the cupboard.

AIBU to think MIL can do without a candle this year? Or can anybody recommend anything nice scent/candle wise that wouldn't get wasted like a Yankee candle would?

MIL is lovely, she would be appalled at the idea we'd spent our weekly food shop on a candle, but DH can't see past getting his mum a gift for mothers day and getting what she's asked for.

She's got a load of candles already. Candles actually aren't very good for your health (Google it) Get her a pretty little bunch of tulips instead. If you have a garden maybe you have something you can clip off a bush or something to bulk it up and add a personal touch 💐

[quote MiddleParking]**@MiddleParking the day is called Mother’s Day because it’s about showing appreciation to mums is that right?

No, that is not right. Perhaps approach the nearest young schoolchild who will likely be able to tell you where the name actually comes from.

Whether a Jo Malone candle is affordable for the OP is kind of by the by.

It really isn’t.

What I don’t get is the posters who seem outraged that the mother in law would dare expect a gift. She should have a picture of a candle drawn by a grandchild, or a cuddle with the baby or a quid bunch of daffodils and should be bloody grateful! That’s the mentality of lots of posters on here and I just think it’s really shitty. You could all be mother in laws in years to come and would you genuinely want to be treated with so little regard? Or maybe you would if you subscribe to the whole ‘mummy martyr’ cult…

I wouldn’t consider a card handmade by my grandchild or a cuddle with the baby and a bunch of daffodils to be ‘treatment with little regard’ in the slightest. I’d consider that to be entirely appropriate for the occasion and I absolutely would be grateful - in fact, that’s what I will be getting for my own mother and hopefully receiving from my children assisted by my husband, and we’re all financially well off. A £50 Mother’s Day gift is the outlying expectation here, not the bunch of daffs and handmade card. Let alone when your DIL is on mat leave and there’s a significant cost of living crisis.[/quote]
@MiddleParking go on then, what is Mother’s Day about if not about mums?!

@MiddleParking
Just out of interest had a quick google- “Mother's Day is a celebration honoring the mother of the family or individual”

If you can't afford Jo Malone, I'd buy a voluspa candle from anthropologie or Oliver bonas candles are also nice.

Yankee candles are the absolute pits. I'd rather someone just gave me a card.

I second tk maxx- I like a sand a fog candle.

My other favourite is a small independent called Gracie and a belle. They smell amazing and have a luxury feel. A fraction of the price and you are supporting another family in the process.

www.gracieandbelle.co.uk/

If you can't afford a Jo Malone candle don't buy one - it's not compulsory and your DH has to accept that other things in the budget need to be prioritised.

But don't buy her a cheaper candle alternative- it will always be just a 'not Jo Malone'. Get her something completely different - flowers, chocolate, hand cream, gardening tools - anything else!

I really like Bath and Bodyworks candles, bought lots when living in the Middle East, you can get them from Next here. Just checked online and they are £24.99 I haven’t actually tried any of the available scents though! 🙈 But the scents are usually quite subtle, long lasting and the candles are slow burning. Good luck! X

Mothering Sunday - as in the mother church. When servants got to go home to their own church. The meaning has been adapted basically for commercial purposes. Which is fine, most of us buy and receive Mother’s Day gifts in the modern way, but your point that the name proves that MIL needs an expensive gift was wrong. Besides which I could be wrong but I think the concepts of honour and appreciation might predate £50 candles.

these are lovely www.johnlewis.com/browse/home-garden/candles-home-fragrance/candles/skandinavisk/_/N-ccbZ1z0isn6

Well spending upwards of £50 on an overpriced candle is fine for those that can afford, I suppose, but OP can't afford it.

Perhaps it's time to explain to your 'lovely' MIL that you can't afford to burn £50 notes.

If she's that lovely she will already have worked out that as you are on maternity leave you likely don't have money to waste.

A bunch of spring daffodils and card should be perfectly acceptable to anyone of a reasonable mindset.

Another vote for Wonky Candles - it’s a young man with a disability who has started this company and the candles are amazing with beautiful scents.

sorry if this has been asked already but is your husband paying for this himself? if so i would let him
arrange. i wouldn't like my other half telling me what i can and can't buy my parent if it was my own money. if you have joint money, that is a different scenario. i think separate money for each of you would resolve this kind of thing in future! i do understand why you are annoyed too, my sis in law requested creme de la mer a few years ago!!

Skye candle company are lovely too and quite cheap compared to JM

www.johnlewis.com/browse/home-garden/candles-home-fragrance/candles/skandinavisk/_/N-ccbZ1z0isn6. these are lovely too

I highly recommend Twinings Home Fragrance. They do Jo Malone dupes and they look lovely, can get different size ones and they come gift wrapped. Lovely smell that lasts for ages too :)

@MiddleParking

Mothering Sunday - as in the mother church. When servants got to go home to their own church. The meaning has been adapted basically for commercial purposes. Which is fine, most of us buy and receive Mother’s Day gifts in the modern way, but your point that the name proves that MIL needs an expensive gift was wrong. Besides which I could be wrong but I think the concepts of honour and appreciation might predate £50 candles.

@MiddleParking it’s not so much that I think she needs a hugely expensive gift- just something a little bit special to show the family’s appreciation of her. A cuddle from the Grandkids or one of their drawings isn’t really that is it? Lovely but things I expect happen all the time if mil is an involved grandparent which she sounds to be. And a card and a quid bunch of daffs would be lovely and appropriate from a child to their mum but not from an adult to their mother! I’d be embarrassed frankly to hand that over to my mum. OP has already clarified that she and her kids wouldn’t be starving if they spent more than a quid on a present for her.

www.twiningshomefragrance.com

I think you're insane not to address the point of the "wife work". Beyond insane.

Why on earth would you just not do it?

If you want to spend £25 OP get the small JM candle. Travel sized

🙄

Check out Home County Candle Company.
They are a new company (and you can get 10% off if you sign up to their newsletter) . Beautifully packaged, very stylish, much more reasonably priced.
I’d frame it as your ahead of the curve and they are going to be the new Jo Malone since JM was sold off.

@LuckySantangelo35 but she’s requested a specific gift, having previously made it known that she considers budget-friendly versions of that gift unacceptable to her. So she does think she needs an expensive gift. You’ve lost me on why a bunch of flowers and a card would be an embarrassing gift from an adult. It’s entirely appropriate for something that’s not really a big gift-giving occasion but one for a token of acknowledgment, and would also be commensurate with her son’s currently limited household income (as a result of the birth of a presumably beloved grandchild). You’d have to be pretty brass necked to find that embarrassing.

Glass & wick to beautiful candles much cheaper than jo malone

Would really like to recommend The Naked Candle Company.

The throw (candle speak for how far the scent goes when lit) is great and the candles are made of soy wax. The perfumes are on par with Jo Malone. They are a small, artisan company based in Manchester I think. And they are a fraction of the price of a JM candle. I've actually had a gift of a JM and I would buy Naked Candles over JMs any day.

www.thenakedcandleco.com/collections/large-double-wick-candles

Absolutely agree with you that its a complete waste of money while you are on mat leave. And if you are going to be stuck sorting this out anyway I'd have a quiet word with MIL (if you need to) that this year given that money is a bit tighter you have to make savings where you can. Completely reasonable to manage expectations. I'll be doing the same this year.

[quote champagnetruffleshuffle]@Stath please can you post a link to the flowers?

(misses point of thread!)[/quote]
@champagnetruffleshuffle

If you use the referral code they sent me then I get some flowers too!

TeresaN9450

www.freddiesflowers.com/?cms=eps&mrasn=817959.1017839.5XCGF3aG

@Flatdeadfrog

Thank you all for suggestions. In response to some of the questions, apologies for not linking to actual posts.

We're not going to starve if DH buys his mother a bloody candle, but given that money is currently really tight, spending £50+ on something that is going to be burned is like setting fire to cash in my mind. Cash that could pay for groceries, without us having to "find" an extra £50.

To answer another poster about me sourcing and buying the gift for MIL, yes, you're right, I should let DH do it, but by me taking control of this bullshittery, at least I can control DH not spending £300 on the fucking thing.

There have been some great suggestions for different candles, thank you. I'll have a look. If anyone can recommend a particularly nice one around the £25, I think that'll have to be a good compromise.

Look at Sane Scents. It's a small independent company who started up to help with the owners poor mental health. He pours every candle himself and is really passionate about his craft. I've had a few of his candles and they are beautiful.