Jo Malone candles and MIL.

[Flatdeadfrog]

I've name changed as details are a little bit outing as I've talked to friends about this.

My MIL is a bit of a scented candle aficionado and can be a bit precious about the types of scented candles she'll have in the house. That's fair enough, as you like what you like. BUT for mothers day, she has specified she wants a new scented candle for her hall.

DH likes to oblige his mum as she's actually lovely, but his default is to just buy an expensive Jo Malone candle. We don't actually have a Jo Malone budget, as we are feeling the pinch as I am on maternity leave and we're struggling a bit financially because of it.

DH and I have had an argument about it tonight, as I feel that MIL would be upset to think that we're spending our weekly food budget on an expensive candle (and frankly I think it's a waste), but DH really wants to get something nice for his mum. MIL loves scented candles, but something cheaper like a Yankee candle would just be shoved to the back of the cupboard.

AIBU to think MIL can do without a candle this year? Or can anybody recommend anything nice scent/candle wise that wouldn't get wasted like a Yankee candle would?

MIL is lovely, she would be appalled at the idea we'd spent our weekly food shop on a candle, but DH can't see past getting his mum a gift for mothers day and getting what she's asked for.

Are there any local candle makers in your area that you could purchase from? It would be a fraction of the cost and you can't get more artisan and less globally mass produced than local!

These are gorgeous OP as an alternative & their gift boxes are beautifully presented.

https://valentte.com

And agree about the ones from Zara, also nice...

https://www.whowhatwear.co.uk/zara-candles

Tilltheend99 "You’re probably not wrong but surely that’s why every candle says ‘do not leave unattended’"

I guess people don't always do as they are told!

www.nfpa.org/Public-Education/Fire-causes-and-risks/Top-fire-causes/Candles#:~:text=Candle%20fire%20facts&text=Candles%20caused%202%25%20of%20reported,property%20damage%20in%20home%20fires.

"Candles caused 2% of reported home fires, 3% of home fire deaths, 6% of home fire injuries, and 4% of the direct property damage in home fires."

Stats from USA.

I used to be a smoker and I have almost set things on fire twice with candles and twice with cigarettes! I don't smoke now and I use LED candles!

Tbf to mil this sounds like a bit of a tradition, something you have bought for her several times before. It may be that she thinks asking for the 'same again' is the easiest option and something she knows you're happy to buy.

I doubt dh would be asking you all to starve for a month so is it a case of him thinking that the household budget can actually afford it?

Is she generous with gifts for you and the children, or a hands on grandma who provides childcare/babysitting? If so, I'd be inclined to buy it unless it really did mean hardship.

If not, I would buy something completely different to avoid comparisons being made - what will you buy for your own mum?

What will you receive? Make sure you set your expectations high.

@Summerfun54321

Get one of your children (if they’re old enough) to make a candle or paint a picture or a candle 😂 and just give her some flowers. Don’t waste any money on a cheap candle if she’s a candle snob. Absolutely stop buying your DH’s families presents as well, no one will thank you for it in the long run.

@Summerfun54321 Agree with you that OP shouldn’t be assuming the wife work of present buying for her husbands family. But getting her kids to draw a picture of a candle and giving that to MIL sounds a right twat thing to do. It’s going to feel like a right slap to the face for her. Or did you think she should be grateful and charmed because a grandchild did it and children can do no wrong, blah blah

@MiddleParking

She doesn’t sound lovely, she sounds like a horror. No one doesn’t know that a request for a luxury item (and she clearly wasn’t asking for an Aldi or Asda candle) for Mother’s Day is unreasonable and weird. If anything she should be telling her son to buy you a Jo Malone.

@MiddleParking Why?

I haven’t read the whole thread, but I love this brand www.selfcarecompany.com/. Perhaps have a look

Great long lasting candles and the company has such an amazing ethos. Started by two ladies with a focus on mental health and community support. Would she be interested? It’s always nice to support a small independent business, and even better if the product is great (I’m not connected to them, I just love them! )

I’m not puritanical about this stuff and I love certain luxury products but the audacity of Jo Malone’s pricing is really quite something. They charge eau de parfum prices for weak eau de cologne and their candles are made from awful cheap paraffin wax. Another vote here for Valentte - they are UK made, soy wax, with proper essential oils.

I love a value for money product. But, while the Aldi candles are perfectly pleasant, they're in a totally different league to the posher ones in terms of the scent and the time it lingers,

I'd probably pick a different gift altogether. Personally I like a bunch of daffodils and a thoughtfully written card for Mother's Day.

Honestly if my DH wanted to spend that much money, which we don’t have, on a fucking candle, AND wanted me to do the wife work for it, I’d set fire to his head instead of the wick.

Since you’re doing the wife work, you’ve got the control here: 99p daffodils from the supermarket, card, visit with the baby and explanation that Jo Malone is out of your family budget while you’re on maternity leave. Then quickly deploy baby for squishes as distraction technique from lack of candle.

That is bonkers. Scented candles especially Jo Malone are the very definition of expensive unnecessary frivolity.
What is he getting you for Mothers Day?
LTB

Did you mean to be so snobby?

we are talking about Jo Malone candles here!

@BlondeWidow Aw the classic MN reply, intended to be a withering putdown 🙄. Yes. I repeat, I would rather have no gifts than a 'gift' from Aldi. Their beauty products are foul and even worse than the dreaded Bayliss and Harding sets. A selection of Aldi stuff basically indicates that you don't give a shit about the recipient and you just chucked some stuff in with your weekly shop. Sorry if that's hit a nerve.

What is he getting you?

Are they expensive then? I got one for Christmas a couple of years back ( don’t like candles and never have!) and gave it to the charity shop.

@Doratheexploret

Are they expensive then? I got one for Christmas a couple of years back ( don’t like candles and never have!) and gave it to the charity shop.

Haha yes quite expensive! The charity shop would have loved it :)

Try a wax burner? Some of the holders you can get are really lovely. The scents last longer and there are so many nice ones from independent makers.

@Tallisimo

Your MiL not only EXPECTS a gift for Mothers Day, she also specifies what she wants? Good grief … How very sad.

I expect her son asked her what she wanted so she told him. OP quite clearly says JM is his idea. Don’t most of us expect a mother’s’ day gift? I’d be gutted if I didn’t get one.

Why does your husband have so little knowledge of your finances that he doesn't realise that a candle purchase will result in beans on toast/dust for a week? Are you really going to starve for a or are you simply annoyed at the equivalent spend?

I'd keep your MIL on side. She will be useful to you during her lifetime and after her death (inheritance). You also run the risk of conflict with DH by being peevish over spending on his mum, who he loves.

My mum's getting a similar value present for mothers' day. Money is tight, but I have budgeted and do my present buying through the year. I'd rather go without stuff for myself than deny an old lady a gift.

Could you buy her something else, instead. No point in buying a candle she won’t enjoy, however nice the alternatives are.

@CinnamonJellyBeans

Why does your husband have so little knowledge of your finances that he doesn't realise that a candle purchase will result in beans on toast/dust for a week? Are you really going to starve for a or are you simply annoyed at the equivalent spend?

I'd keep your MIL on side. She will be useful to you during her lifetime and after her death (inheritance). You also run the risk of conflict with DH by being peevish over spending on his mum, who he loves.

My mum's getting a similar value present for mothers' day. Money is tight, but I have budgeted and do my present buying through the year. I'd rather go without stuff for myself than deny an old lady a gift.

Wow, comments like this on MN never cease to amaze me. I might be extra sensitive today, as I lost my MIL recently. But I just cannot believe someone could be so cold, calculating & selfish to actually write that?

So your MIL has told your DH she wants a very expensive Mother’s Day gift, despite money being tight. Your DH is going to get it for her anyway.

They both seem very self-centred here, but what I don’t get is that despite disagreeing with all of this, YOU are going to go and find, buy and wrap it anyway! That is crazy. It’s pointless moaning about it if you’re going to just go and do it all.

Then your MIL will thank your DH, no doubt!

I wouldn’t get involved at all-tell him it’s a ridiculous present and say no more about it.

Do you have kids? What do you usually get as a gift for Mother’s Day?

I would just get the JM candle. That’s what she likes and to be honest I wouldn’t have my partner telling me I couldn’t buy a present for my mum because of the price of it.

Just popped over from the money saving thread where people are timing showers and sitting in cold houses.

I’ll be off back there now to recommend not buying ANY candles.

Bye candle snobs