Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Jo Malone candles and MIL.

448 replies

Flatdeadfrog · 02/03/2022 19:34

I've name changed as details are a little bit outing as I've talked to friends about this.

My MIL is a bit of a scented candle aficionado and can be a bit precious about the types of scented candles she'll have in the house. That's fair enough, as you like what you like. BUT for mothers day, she has specified she wants a new scented candle for her hall.

DH likes to oblige his mum as she's actually lovely, but his default is to just buy an expensive Jo Malone candle. We don't actually have a Jo Malone budget, as we are feeling the pinch as I am on maternity leave and we're struggling a bit financially because of it.

DH and I have had an argument about it tonight, as I feel that MIL would be upset to think that we're spending our weekly food budget on an expensive candle (and frankly I think it's a waste), but DH really wants to get something nice for his mum. MIL loves scented candles, but something cheaper like a Yankee candle would just be shoved to the back of the cupboard.

AIBU to think MIL can do without a candle this year? Or can anybody recommend anything nice scent/candle wise that wouldn't get wasted like a Yankee candle would?

MIL is lovely, she would be appalled at the idea we'd spent our weekly food shop on a candle, but DH can't see past getting his mum a gift for mothers day and getting what she's asked for.

OP posts:
LuckySantangelo35 · 03/03/2022 08:16

@Tallisimo OMG I know, the audacity of his mother expecting a gift on erm MOTHERS DAY! The clue is kind of in the title of the day. Besides birthdays/Christmas, it’s the day she’s most likely to get a gift.

If living local to me and likely to see me on the day I expect some sort of gift from my DC on mothers day, if they live miles away then a nice card in the post. Let’s not get into this competitive mArtyr thing that mumsnet has around things like women’s birthdays…the ‘I’d be happy and grateful they even bothered to send me a text’ type shite

obstacalling · 03/03/2022 08:30

For Mother's day, a bunch of flowers will suffice

She can have expensive candle for her birthday

obstacalling · 03/03/2022 08:33

Neom is nice. A small one is about £32. I love the lavendar one

Frollop · 03/03/2022 08:34

I think Flowers is a nice gift for someone who likes flowers or get a voucher like someone mentioned so she can put towards a gift. Would she like a John Lewis voucher?

I had a Wilko candle as part of a gift onceGrin

Rizzoli123 · 03/03/2022 08:35

Try Harry Slatkin on QVC

userxx · 03/03/2022 08:38

@Whitney168

Somebody bought me a Jo Malone candle once, and cured me of them - not worth the money at all!

Totally agree, hardly any scent whatsoever. The Reed diffuser on the other hand is lovely.

woowinnie · 03/03/2022 08:39

Zara do a collection with Jo Malone that are affordable!

userxx · 03/03/2022 08:42

@Roselilly36 She's being sarcastic. No malice intended.

OpheliaThrupps · 03/03/2022 08:43

Bunch of daffs (Tesco, £1), nice card and invite her over for lunch.

LookItsMeAgain · 03/03/2022 08:49

@WutheringHeights66

I like the Woodwick ones, nice oval jar with a wooden lid, great scents that are not weak like some candles and they crackle like a real fire.

About 29.99 unless a discontinued scent.

This. I got a lemon lavender one ages ago and it was (and remains to be) the only candle that has burned evenly in the jar for me and I used every bit of it! Loved the scent.

I've actually moved away from candles as such to wax melts and use cheap-as-chips tea lights in them. I got the burners off Amazon and the little holder for the tea light has a handle on it so I don't burn my fingers Grin

Gilly12345 · 03/03/2022 09:03

I would give her money towards a candle, then she can pay the difference, I would imagine there is a great difference between an Aldi candle and a Jo Malone one!

NewYearNewMinty · 03/03/2022 09:10

DW Home candles from TK Maxx or Home sense are brilliant...really good, natural scent.

You can get a decent sized one for between £7.99 - 12.99.

If I see the lavender and camomile ones when I have some spare cash I buy two or three at a time Blush.

traintraveller · 03/03/2022 09:18

I have candles from this company, they are lovely and much cheaper than Jo malone.
willowandwhitecandlecompany.co.uk/product/classic-candle/

MiddleParking · 03/03/2022 09:23

@LuckySantangelo35 because specifying what gift you want for Mother’s Day when you’ve previously made it known that your preference is for an expensive variety of that specific gift is really rude anyway. Doing it when your son’s household’s income is reduced because his wife has given birth to your grandchild is especially rude. If she doesn’t know they’re on a reduced budget and lacks the common sense to realise that’s likely to be the case then she has no business telling him what gift she wants. If OP’s DH is going to be spending more than £3-bunch-of-daffs money on anyone - personally I think it’s unnecessary anyway and sounds unjustifiable this year - it should be his wife on her first Mother’s Day.

OMG I know, the audacity of his mother expecting a gift on erm MOTHERS DAY! The clue is kind of in the title of the day.

That’s not why it’s called mother’s day. And she can expect to be acknowledged without naming the specific gift she wants.

queenofarles · 03/03/2022 09:24

Just buy her the candle,
Honestly it would be much cheaper to buy the one thing she wants than buying three things she doesn’t really need , flowers +card+ chocolate or lunch is just as much the price of the candle.
There are loads of BNIB Diptique and Jo Malones going for less than £30 on eBay, some are with their own bag , no need to gift wrap it or anything , even buying from store they gift warp everything and put it in a nice bag for you.
I think posters are more outraged that it’s a gift for the MIL, not the gift itself, quite strange Confused

Madickenxx · 03/03/2022 09:27

Maybe someone has already suggested this but it might be worth looking at Etsy. I've bought some lovely scented candles from small companies selling through Etsy. They look pretty, the scent is natural and not overpowering and come in lovely gift boxes. Worth a look in my view.

PiffleWiffleWoozle · 03/03/2022 09:27

In this circumstance I would try to find the money by either earning it ir selling something

Original poster
Flatdeadfrog · 03/03/2022 09:28

Thank you all for suggestions. In response to some of the questions, apologies for not linking to actual posts.

We're not going to starve if DH buys his mother a bloody candle, but given that money is currently really tight, spending £50+ on something that is going to be burned is like setting fire to cash in my mind. Cash that could pay for groceries, without us having to "find" an extra £50.

To answer another poster about me sourcing and buying the gift for MIL, yes, you're right, I should let DH do it, but by me taking control of this bullshittery, at least I can control DH not spending £300 on the fucking thing.

There have been some great suggestions for different candles, thank you. I'll have a look. If anyone can recommend a particularly nice one around the £25, I think that'll have to be a good compromise.

OP posts:
PiffleWiffleWoozle · 03/03/2022 09:29

Or a Jo Malone voucher to the amount I could afford maybe.

ChickenStripper · 03/03/2022 09:37

How about one of these?

Jo Malone candles and MIL.
LuckySantangelo35 · 03/03/2022 09:38

[quote MiddleParking]@LuckySantangelo35 because specifying what gift you want for Mother’s Day when you’ve previously made it known that your preference is for an expensive variety of that specific gift is really rude anyway. Doing it when your son’s household’s income is reduced because his wife has given birth to your grandchild is especially rude. If she doesn’t know they’re on a reduced budget and lacks the common sense to realise that’s likely to be the case then she has no business telling him what gift she wants. If OP’s DH is going to be spending more than £3-bunch-of-daffs money on anyone - personally I think it’s unnecessary anyway and sounds unjustifiable this year - it should be his wife on her first Mother’s Day.

OMG I know, the audacity of his mother expecting a gift on erm MOTHERS DAY! The clue is kind of in the title of the day.

That’s not why it’s called mother’s day. And she can expect to be acknowledged without naming the specific gift she wants.[/quote]
@MiddleParking the day is called Mother’s Day because it’s about showing appreciation to mums is that right? As a part of this many people express that appreciation with a gift. Whether a Jo Malone candle is affordable for the OP is kind of by the by. What I don’t get is the posters who seem outraged that the mother in law would dare expect a gift. She should have a picture of a candle drawn by a grandchild, or a cuddle with the baby or a quid bunch of daffodils and should be bloody grateful! That’s the mentality of lots of posters on here and I just think it’s really shitty. You could all be mother in laws in years to come and would you genuinely want to be treated with so little regard? Or maybe you would if you subscribe to the whole ‘mummy martyr’ cult…

MiddleParking · 03/03/2022 09:39

Honestly it would be much cheaper to buy the one thing she wants than buying three things she doesn’t really need , flowers +card+ chocolate or lunch is just as much the price of the candle.

It really isn’t, plus she doesn’t need any of it. A bunch of daffs and a card would be about a fiver and there will be thousands of mothers up and down the country receiving that much or less.

ChickenStripper · 03/03/2022 09:41

On a serious note this company is local to me and their candles are wonderful. I was told by the woman in the shop that they make for Jo Malone - whether that is true or not I don't know. My fave is the peony.

lowerlodgecandles.com/collections/oak-hills

MiddleParking · 03/03/2022 09:46

@MiddleParking the day is called Mother’s Day because it’s about showing appreciation to mums is that right?

No, that is not right. Perhaps approach the nearest young schoolchild who will likely be able to tell you where the name actually comes from.

Whether a Jo Malone candle is affordable for the OP is kind of by the by.

It really isn’t.

What I don’t get is the posters who seem outraged that the mother in law would dare expect a gift. She should have a picture of a candle drawn by a grandchild, or a cuddle with the baby or a quid bunch of daffodils and should be bloody grateful! That’s the mentality of lots of posters on here and I just think it’s really shitty. You could all be mother in laws in years to come and would you genuinely want to be treated with so little regard? Or maybe you would if you subscribe to the whole ‘mummy martyr’ cult…

I wouldn’t consider a card handmade by my grandchild or a cuddle with the baby and a bunch of daffodils to be ‘treatment with little regard’ in the slightest. I’d consider that to be entirely appropriate for the occasion and I absolutely would be grateful - in fact, that’s what I will be getting for my own mother and hopefully receiving from my children assisted by my husband, and we’re all financially well off. A £50 Mother’s Day gift is the outlying expectation here, not the bunch of daffs and handmade card. Let alone when your DIL is on mat leave and there’s a significant cost of living crisis.

Blossomtoes · 03/03/2022 10:01

@MiddleParking

Honestly it would be much cheaper to buy the one thing she wants than buying three things she doesn’t really need , flowers +card+ chocolate or lunch is just as much the price of the candle.

It really isn’t, plus she doesn’t need any of it. A bunch of daffs and a card would be about a fiver and there will be thousands of mothers up and down the country receiving that much or less.

Nobody needs gifts. Yes, a bunch of daffs and a handmade card is very sweet for the mother of young children, it’s not appropriate from adult children, especially if the precedent for a more substantial gift has been set for years.

It’s pretty obvious that OP resents her bloke spending money on his mum, hence the snarky comment about her 60th birthday present.