Was I wrong to send him in like this?

[Longcovid21]

Reality check needed.
Ds 10 had massive holes in his trainers which appeared out of nowhere. A few days ago I saw a sale on the vans website and so took the opportunity to buy him some nice new shoes. They look like this.
www.schuh.co.uk/kids/junior-vans-old-skool-metallic-flame-black-and-silver-trainers/2662457850/

He hates them. He says they are too showy and was crying that he wanted to wear the trainers with holes in instead. Usually I let him choose his own shoes but on this occasion I just spotted a bargain.

Was I being unreasonable to basically make him wear the shoes and tell him that if he wore shoes with holes in school may contact social services for neglect (I was feeling desperate).

He was in tears. It was stressful all around.
I need a reality check about whether I was BU to push it? Normally he has his own way but I just couldn't send him in in bad holey shoes.

@Longcovid21

Holes don't appear overnight No they appeared one day.

They weren't £37 BTW that's not the sale price.

I guess I will be forced to get some shitty sweat shop trainers from sports direct then. Gosh you lot are conservative 😊. But point taken. No one likes them.

I can assure you I’m not conservative, they are hideous looking and also not appropriate for school either.

Gosh you lot are conservative 😊. But point taken. No one likes them
Whether people on here like them or not or a conversative in the their taste is not relevant. The point is your kid hates them enough to be reduced to tears should tell you what you want to know.

My mum bought me the most hideous pair of shoes and I was mocked terribly by the kids that used to bully me. It was awful. When I had children I always gave them a voice and listened to what they had to say when they got to the age of being self concious around others.
They know what suits their personality and what others think and will say about clothing items. They are a better judge than you.

I would rather my child blended in with us UNLESS they were confident enough to want to be different.

FWIW I don't hate the shoes but that doesn't matter, your son does.

Quite sure there are Scottish or Welsh schools who have a stricter school shoe policy than trainers.

Yep. Ours do and we’re in Scotland although it was less strict in Primary School

Christ, the level of bullying the ds could be subjected to in the playground is nothing compared to the nastiness on this thread. Some of you ought to be ashamed. There's having an opinion and then there's being vile.

I get that you're excited you got a bargain and like them, but your son who is the one who'll wear them absolutely hates them.

You could've just sent him in the ripped ones and told the teacher he doesn't like the new ones and you'll get him some other ones ASAP.

I'm surprised they school have not complained about them not being all black.
For the sake of making him so upset could you afford to buy him another pair and give those to someone who would wear them.

He obviously doesn't like to stand out bless him. X

Are you sure someone is not bullying him, I have now seen the trainers and they don't look like they could get in the state in one day by accident. X

www.nike.com/gb/t/court-borough-low-2-younger-shoe-Xj2gX1

You could get something plain black, like above.

Or something like these:

www.schuh.co.uk/kids/junior-nike-wearallday-black-and-white-trainers/2614437260/

Both reasonable prices for trainers and could he worn outside school too.

I couldn't find the exact ones DD has, but they are very similar. She has worn both styles to school and never been called out on it. Her school isn't strict on the whole "has to be a plain black shoe, no trainers" thing.

Let him go through some choices with you. Lots on offer/relatively cheap that could be more suitable.

Or some non-branded ones, DD likes the blue Sainsbury's shoes for PE.

also not appropriate for school either.

Surely that's up to the school?

If they play football vans are not suitable nor will they last long.

No need for all the nastiness on this thread, OP is just a mother trying to do her best. Im im scotland and all my sons wear black trainers school. Granted not those vans (sorry OP but they are ugly) they wouldnt wear vans in general but yeah I would take him to sports direct or whatever and let him choose another pair. My son has black air force 1s and they seem to last the test of time (and football playing at break)

I think the amount of people commenting on them not being school shoes is irrelevant. The main issue is that OP has taught her son that it doesn't matter what he thinks. He clearly lives in an authoritarian household. OP do you actually feel bad for what you did? I would feel really shitty if I sent my daughter off to school feeling like this.

If it was as wet where the OP lives, then very unreasonable to wear shoes with holes in them. Even though I would have hated the design the OP bought.

I don’t think England has a blanket policy on schools shoes 😂 or does it?

Yes they're not allowed trainers at all

YABVU - My DD dislikes her school shoes (tbh she hates most shoes and goes barefoot around the house and only puts on shoes if she has to) but never has she been reduced to tears over them. And if she was so upset as to cry over shoes then I would be listening to that signal from her and realising that while they're "just" shoes, they're also important to her and would be trying to compromise.

In your DSs case these are his only pair of shoes, so the fact he feels so strongly about them should be taken into consideration as he has to wear them every day, with every outfit, for every occasion. My DD dislikes her school shoes but she tolerates them for school days because she has other options for evenings/weekends, your son doesn't have that option - he has one pair of shoes and he hates them.

Surely it would have been better to have bought a cheap pair from a supermarket for the immediate need and then let him choose his own every day pair? That way he would have his every day pair and a cheap back up for emergencies.

YABU!

They are very ugly shoes. They look like something some has been 80s rocker would pick for their child. Very try hard!

They’re not appropriate school shoes.

And a 10 year old is old enough to have their opinion taken into account when buying shoes, especially if they only have 2 pairs. Obviously practical considerations are more important but don’t buy shoes your child hates unless there’s literally no other option.

"I think you’ll find that no one believes you that things are different in the devolved nations. "

What nonsense is this? 😆

Yes it is different. I’m in Scotland and my DC schools all have uniforms they encourage and no-one is ever punished or even commented on if they wear trainers or joggy bottoms etc. Notes in the school newsletter about how nice it is when everyone has the uniform, yes, but getting in trouble for it, no.

goodonyou.eco/how-ethical-is-vans/

@longcovid21 Vans are made in questionable labour conditions too!

I think you’ve missed the op. It’s irrelevant if we like them. It’s relevant if your son does, and he does not, and he found it distressing to wear them, and you bullied and threatened him

Calling people conservative like it’s some teenage insult and you’re some rebel with cool tastes is immature, it’s not about your taste or ours . It’s about your child’s.

Black sharpie over the silver?

There’s no point in laughing at us for being “conservative”.
No way would I - or anyone I know - by a pair of shoes in that style for a 10yo to wear at school without showing them first.
I think they’re lovely - my children would hate them.

no-one is ever punished or even commented on if they wear trainers or joggy bottoms etc.

Same at my DD's in London. Granted, I have looked on other school's websites and they seem to be stricter.

I don’t think England has a blanket policy on schools shoes 😂 or does it?*

Yes they're not allowed trainers at all

That just false.

I prefer the relaxed approach to school uniform for primary school. I really hate schools that insist on needing school logos on everything to.

@CRbear

Black sharpie over the silver?

At this point I'd happily send the £11 myself so that the DS had a suitable pair of shoes.

Painting over the silver bits will attract even more attention. Best thing to do is try to sell them on FB marketplace or similar and get a tenner to put towards acceptable replacements.

YABVU. Kids get bullied when they don’t fit in. I still recall the shame I felt when my mother made me wear a pleated skirt and white knee socks to secondary school. You’ve basically made your child a target, he will be laughed at.