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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I wrong to send him in like this?

452 replies

Longcovid21 · 02/03/2022 10:32

Reality check needed.
Ds 10 had massive holes in his trainers which appeared out of nowhere. A few days ago I saw a sale on the vans website and so took the opportunity to buy him some nice new shoes. They look like this.
www.schuh.co.uk/kids/junior-vans-old-skool-metallic-flame-black-and-silver-trainers/2662457850/

He hates them. He says they are too showy and was crying that he wanted to wear the trainers with holes in instead. Usually I let him choose his own shoes but on this occasion I just spotted a bargain.

Was I being unreasonable to basically make him wear the shoes and tell him that if he wore shoes with holes in school may contact social services for neglect (I was feeling desperate).

He was in tears. It was stressful all around.
I need a reality check about whether I was BU to push it? Normally he has his own way but I just couldn't send him in in bad holey shoes.

OP posts:
AlandAnna · 02/03/2022 13:00

Flash back to my childhood…. Wearing awful dress to my primary school Christmas party that my mum had chosen for me Sad

SlashBeef · 02/03/2022 13:04

I feel so sad for that poor boy being forced to school in tears feeling so embarrassed and uncomfortable. I honestly don't think I could have done that to my child over some poxy shoes. It's actually upset me a bit.
You're also delusional if you think the Vans are produced in better conditions than the cheap sweat shop ones you refer to.

Ivyonafence · 02/03/2022 13:06

Aw poor kid.

Just let him wear the hole ones.

This has given me flash backs to when my mother made me wear an expensive dress when all the other girls wore basic jeans and I walked in knowing I was going to be teased. Even now I feel emotional about it (even though I love expensive dresses now)

Kids just want to fit in.

Yellownightmare · 02/03/2022 13:09

It's not whether I would like them myself that counts. It's whether your son would like them. Would you like me to buy your clothes and make you wear them? I bet not. It's the same for him. Obviously you have a say and don't buy things you can't afford, but there's no way an adult knows what is going to help a ten year old fit in. YABVVU.

Bromse · 02/03/2022 13:10

@MrsEricBana

Tricky. I think he has a fair point as they don't really look like school shoes to me. I think best to let him choose next time. Sorry!
I agree. You can't force kids to wear things they don't like. That's life I'm afraid. I'm surprised he's allowed to wear trainers to school anyway (holes or no holes :-) ).
SilverGlassHare · 02/03/2022 13:10

I've got to say, I love these so much that I was hoping they'd have them in my size. Not that a 40 year old woman wearing them would make them more appealing for a 10 year old boy!

I do agree if he hates them you need to replace them. I let my 7 year old chose his shoes and always have - within reason.

Pazuzu · 02/03/2022 13:11

They are truly hideous. They look like they'd be £5 off the market.

Seriously, neither DS1 or DS2 would wear them and frankly, I wouldn't blame them.

School would be quite within their rights to refuse them. On taste grounds as much for violation of uniform policy.

Yellownightmare · 02/03/2022 13:11

@Ivyonafence

Aw poor kid.

Just let him wear the hole ones.

This has given me flash backs to when my mother made me wear an expensive dress when all the other girls wore basic jeans and I walked in knowing I was going to be teased. Even now I feel emotional about it (even though I love expensive dresses now)

Kids just want to fit in.

Oh yes. My mother buying washed denim C&A jeans and matching jean shirt for a fourteen year old. Oh the horror.
AmyDudley · 02/03/2022 13:12

I don;t know what kids are into these days, but I would happily wear those shoes, However I am a 62 year old woman, so I think that's a good clue that a 10yr old boy wouldn't like them.
I think at 10yrs old when their feet are growing and they have to wear their shoes everyday and do a lot of running about, I wouldn't buy a pair of shoes without the child having tried them on first, it's too expensive a risk if the shoes are uncomfortable.
Its not a question of being rich, or conservative - I've never been rich (or conservative !), far from it, it is common sense not to buy something as vital as shoes without some input from the person who has to wear them. Ten yr olds on the whole are very conservative, very aware of not standing out for the wrong reasons, they are old enough to be consulted and have choices within a given budget.
I think I;d have seen if school had a pair of plimsolls or something in lost property that he could borrow for a day until you could take him to the supermarket for trainers.

Bbub · 02/03/2022 13:15

I voted YANBU as you were trying your best and holey shoes are not appropriate at all.. And if we're talking about bullying holey shoes could make him a target too. If he is still upset and hates them that much after 1 day then I'd let him choose which to wear tomorrow but then get him some others that he will happily wear ASAP and selling the new ones to get a bit of money back is a good idea.

My son is 8 and he's just started to feel self conscious about certain things, especially after I was subjected to wearing untrendy stuff when I was that age, but sometimes you do have to put your foot down as a parent. One day won't kill him and it will all blow over when he gets something more appropriate. 🤞

FelixViolet · 02/03/2022 13:15

I'm not sure why "they aren't school shoes" keeps coming up. Not all schools enforce all-black school shoes. That is a simple concept to understand, surely?

The actual issue is that her son felt embarrassed to wear them and is now upset. The issue isn't that they are trainers Hmm

Bobbins36 · 02/03/2022 13:16

@teaandtoastwithmarmite

I don’t think England has a blanket policy on schools shoes 😂 or does it? Yes they're not allowed trainers at all
No, it really doesn’t 😂 www.gov.uk/school-uniform
Staryflight445 · 02/03/2022 13:17

Would you be comfortable wearing items of clothing you don’t like to work op?
I very much doubt you’d do it, and adults don’t ridicule as much as kids.

Bobbins36 · 02/03/2022 13:18

@BoredZelda thought so, certainly wouldn’t have got away with trainers at my (Scottish) school, though that was some time ago 😳

Lostoldusername · 02/03/2022 13:20

Poor boy, I can't imagine forcing my 10yr old to school in shoes like that. If he liked them, fair enough but you've basically disregarded his feelings and ordered something you decided was a bargain and must be bought and off he was to go.
Kids are horrid and he will be so embarrassed, please get him some new ones. Although today won't be very nice for him.

jackstini · 02/03/2022 13:21

So you can only afford 2 pairs of shoes - not your fault and people should appreciate that

Not letting him pick one of the only 2 pairs of shoes he will own - completely your fault and YABVU

They are a very specific taste, and won't be great to play football in either

Give him a budget and order what he chooses

BuffyFanForever · 02/03/2022 13:22

I had a pair of these exact vans when I was 14 and abit emo. If it isn’t your 10 year olds style then I can see why he would be abit upset!

D0lphine · 02/03/2022 13:23

If it helps with money OP you can always sell the shoes on vinted, eBay etc to help recoup the costs.

motherofdragons58 · 02/03/2022 13:24

This thread is gross. Way more gross than the shoes.

We speak about how upset the child might feel and how open to bullying he might be, but look at how vile grown women are behaving. Worse than playground bullies. Shameful. MN at its worst.

TatianaBis · 02/03/2022 13:24

I really like them. But they’re not school shoes and wouldn’t be allowed at my sons’ school.

My middle son would wear them as he’s quite cool but the older one is rather conservative.

NursieBernard · 02/03/2022 13:27

YABU don't make him wear them and feel self conscious. Really odd responses about wearing trainers to school. All my DC's went through primary school wearing trainers with no issues, it was much better for their feet and as they spent their break and lunch times running around and/or playing football much more appropriate than shoes.

Chewbecca · 02/03/2022 13:27

When he said he didn’t like them, I would send them back and choose some together.

Crazycrazylady · 02/03/2022 13:30

My mom always picked out our clothes when she saw a bargain and insisted we wear them too regardless of how much we hated them. In my ten year old every other child would be pointing and laughing ( which of course they weren't ) . I'm now 💯 the other way and let the kids pick out everything themselves. In your situation I'd probably make him go in the new ones but promise his another pair as soon as feasibly possible

Topbird29 · 02/03/2022 13:32

Sorry for the long link. Can also get same type in plain black (which we use for PE as seem slightly more waterproof on the top than normal trainers).