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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I wrong to send him in like this?

452 replies

Longcovid21 · 02/03/2022 10:32

Reality check needed.
Ds 10 had massive holes in his trainers which appeared out of nowhere. A few days ago I saw a sale on the vans website and so took the opportunity to buy him some nice new shoes. They look like this.
www.schuh.co.uk/kids/junior-vans-old-skool-metallic-flame-black-and-silver-trainers/2662457850/

He hates them. He says they are too showy and was crying that he wanted to wear the trainers with holes in instead. Usually I let him choose his own shoes but on this occasion I just spotted a bargain.

Was I being unreasonable to basically make him wear the shoes and tell him that if he wore shoes with holes in school may contact social services for neglect (I was feeling desperate).

He was in tears. It was stressful all around.
I need a reality check about whether I was BU to push it? Normally he has his own way but I just couldn't send him in in bad holey shoes.

OP posts:
rookiemere · 02/03/2022 12:14

Asda has black trainers for £11.

DoNotTouchTheWater · 02/03/2022 12:15

@Longcovid21

Guys we don't live in England (we're in a devolved nation) schools uniform policies are not strict. Trainers are fully allowed. He won't wear leather school shoes.
I think you’ll find that no one believes you that things are different in the devolved nations.

Still a good idea to let him choose his own trainers though. It makes your life easier too.

ImAvingOops · 02/03/2022 12:15

I wouldn't have allowed my child to go to school in ripped shoes either. So of the 2 options I think you probably made the right one. But you're going to have to get him another new pair because he hates these and it's not fair to make him wear them. Now he's worn them you can't send them back, so they were a waste however cheap they were!

SpiderVersed · 02/03/2022 12:15

Poor kid - YABU to send him to school wearing something that upset him to the point of tears. There's no reason to force that on the poor lad.

Theresamagicalplace · 02/03/2022 12:17

He wouldn't wear the vans either by the sounds of it but you made him so what's the difference between that and making him wear leather shoes? And you're ignoring the multiple posters who said buy more pairs of cheaper shoes.

Beautiful3 · 02/03/2022 12:17

Sorry but I think you misjudged this one. They don't look nice to me. He doesn't like them either. I'd send them back and get him to choose the next pair. They're only a bargain if he wears them.

DonnyBurrito · 02/03/2022 12:17

[quote rookiemere]@DonnyBurrito no he only has to wear the flashy shoes which in no way resemble school shoes during the week, at school, where all his mates are.

Surely a pair of plain black trainers or - heaven forfend - actual school shoes would have been cheaper and less of a fashion statement than those boyos? Most supermarkets stock school things these days.[/quote]
I had to wear boring, black leather school shoes when I'd have rather worn my trainers. They were cheap, ugly and unfashionable. It was school, I dealt with it. My friends wouldn't have been called friends if they bullied me about my school shoes that I obviously had no choice in.

OP said they all wear trainers at his school.

ImAvingOops · 02/03/2022 12:17

Some primary schools are not that strict in enforcing uniform rules.

Bumpsadaisie · 02/03/2022 12:18

£27 and can be delivered tomorrow

GiveUsACwtch · 02/03/2022 12:18

Guess what? Not every school in the UK will have the same rule about school shoes!
I have never had to buy a proper pair of school shoes for any of my children and my eldest is nearly 16 and leaving school in a few short months! Plain black footwear for my 2 that are in high school and any footwear, except open toe sandals for my 5 year old who is in reception.

But, I do agree that at age 10, OPs DS should have had the option to choose which trainers he would have liked.

SpaceFarce · 02/03/2022 12:19

@Longcovid21

He only has 2 pairs of shoes in total? There was literally no other option?

Yes correct. Sorry we are not as rich as you.

The Vans were a daft option if you’re strapped for cash. Even in the sale you’re paying for the brand name and you’d be far better with a non branded pair or even two for the same price!
Minikievs · 02/03/2022 12:19

@Longcovid21

They're fugly and at my school you'd get the shit kicked out of you for wearing thos

Lovely school you must go to 🤔.
Having the shit kicked out of anyone is not something that would happen in my sons primary thankfully. Especially over a pair of shoes.

He may not get the shit kicked out of him (which is hopefully unlikely at most primary's) but he is obviously concerned enough about being teased that he's in tears about it. I understand you were stuck and his others had holes in, so you were doing it for the right reasons, but I really do think you should've checked with him first, especially given how "out there" they are. Kids can be horrible little shits and will jump on anything that stands out. Those trainers definitely stand out.
teaandtoastwithmarmite · 02/03/2022 12:20

I wouldn't send my child in shoes they hate. They'll never wear them again. Also I wouldn't have thought they would be suitable for school anyway?

BoredZelda · 02/03/2022 12:20

I guess I will be forced to get some shitty sweat shop trainers from sports direct then

😆😆

Vans are made in China and Vietnam.

According to goods you.eco, Vans Labour rating is “not good enough”. None of its supply chain is certified by Labour standards which ensure worker H&S, living wages or other labour rights.

So, you’ve forced your son to school in shoes he hates to protect some ethical stance you haven’t even researched. Top marks for adding a rant against other MNetters based on your false ethical standards.

Satingreenshutters · 02/03/2022 12:21

My heart goes out to him going in with those monstrosities on his feet. The other kids will have a field day. Lazytown shoes.

BoredZelda · 02/03/2022 12:22
  • goodonyou.eco
Hellzbellz25 · 02/03/2022 12:22

My daughter is 9 and I wouldn't dream of buying her clothes or shoes without her there to chose them, they know their own minds at this age, I'd take him to chose a pair himself

Popopopo · 02/03/2022 12:22

Am I the only one who thinks they are pretty cool? I was always of a goth / skater leaning at school though...

mam0918 · 02/03/2022 12:22

Interestingly, I spotted a kid in my DS class wearing these today and thought they looked cool lol.

although it's pushing it calling them school shoes - I wouldn't be surprised if you get pulled on it. Proper school uniform shoes from Asda/shoe zone/wyndsors/Matalan etc.. are pretty cheap, usually, you can grab some under £10.

I use to wear the hot pink Buffalo trainers in my teens (a local shop sold them for £5 back around 2000) and they looked similar to these, I googled them a few weeks ago and they are worth hundreds now - guess the nostalgia is coming back.

PaddlingLikeADuck · 02/03/2022 12:22

I have an eight year old and he would have cried too if I had tried to make him wear those shoes. He would have been mortified at the idea and would probably have been teased.

In fact, if my son had been that upset I wouldn’t have made him go in wearing them and instead I I would have let him wear his usual shoes even with the holes.

Your son was probably upset because he envisaged everyone laughing at him and that’s really not nice. He was probably very embarrassed and I feel quite sorry for him.

jojojane · 02/03/2022 12:23

Not unreasonable to send not him in in shoes with holes, that's understandable.

But forcing him to wear shoes he clearly does not like is unreasonable, and unfair. He showed such a reaction, I don't understand why you pushed it.

If they were plain shoes, I could get it, but I can see why he doesn't like him, and they're a very particular style so I can't imagine buying them without checking with him first. At 10 he's more than old enough to have an opinion on his own clothes.

Sanada · 02/03/2022 12:23

@Popopopo

Am I the only one who thinks they are pretty cool? I was always of a goth / skater leaning at school though...
I think they're pretty cool. However OP's son didn't and he is the one who was forced to wear them.
SevenWaystoLeave · 02/03/2022 12:25

I had to wear boring, black leather school shoes when I'd have rather worn my trainers. They were cheap, ugly and unfashionable. It was school, I dealt with it. My friends wouldn't have been called friends if they bullied me about my school shoes that I obviously had no choice in.

Of course they are not his friends if they bully him, but kids don't only come into contact with their friends at school.

Bobbins36 · 02/03/2022 12:28

@Longcovid21

Guys we don't live in England (we're in a devolved nation) schools uniform policies are not strict. Trainers are fully allowed. He won't wear leather school shoes.
I don’t think England has a blanket policy on schools shoes 😂 or does it?

Quite sure there are Scottish or Welsh schools who have a stricter school shoe policy than trainers.

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