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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was I wrong to send him in like this?

452 replies

Longcovid21 · 02/03/2022 10:32

Reality check needed.
Ds 10 had massive holes in his trainers which appeared out of nowhere. A few days ago I saw a sale on the vans website and so took the opportunity to buy him some nice new shoes. They look like this.
www.schuh.co.uk/kids/junior-vans-old-skool-metallic-flame-black-and-silver-trainers/2662457850/

He hates them. He says they are too showy and was crying that he wanted to wear the trainers with holes in instead. Usually I let him choose his own shoes but on this occasion I just spotted a bargain.

Was I being unreasonable to basically make him wear the shoes and tell him that if he wore shoes with holes in school may contact social services for neglect (I was feeling desperate).

He was in tears. It was stressful all around.
I need a reality check about whether I was BU to push it? Normally he has his own way but I just couldn't send him in in bad holey shoes.

OP posts:

diddl · 02/03/2022 13:57

Did he really say that they are too showy?

Fabulous!

BluesCluesToo · 02/03/2022 13:58

They are not school shoes.

CoastalWave · 02/03/2022 14:03

@Longcovid21

Holes don't appear overnight No they appeared one day.

They weren't £37 BTW that's not the sale price.

I guess I will be forced to get some shitty sweat shop trainers from sports direct then. Gosh you lot are conservative 😊. But point taken. No one likes them.

The main point - they're not school shoes! In any way, shape or form.

Poor lad!

Surely you have to wear actual SHOES for school - not some 'shitty sweat shop trainers' anyway?

GettingStuffed · 02/03/2022 14:03

He's learnt that you can't have everything go your way all the time . I love those trainers .

rookiemere · 02/03/2022 14:05

@GettingStuffed really that's what you're taking from this? The DS is spoilt because he doesn't want to wear a pair of ostentatious flashy trainers, that are his DMs taste not his own.

SVRT19674 · 02/03/2022 14:09

I like them, I would´ve worn them in 1990.

CallMeDean · 02/03/2022 14:10

They are not school shoes.

At your child's school. Why do you assume that must apply to other schools?

CallMeDean · 02/03/2022 14:11

Surely you have to wear actual SHOES for school - not some 'shitty sweat shop trainers' anyway?

No. You don't in every school.

I'm baffled at how hard it is for posters to understand that.

TwoleftUggs · 02/03/2022 14:11

I quite like those shoes OP I would wear them myself. I guess that doesn’t do a lot for their credibility though lol. I don’t think you were wrong to send him in something more suitable than trainers with holes but I think you have probably learned now that at 10 your ds has likes and dislikes and this time you got it wrong. Hope you can find something else quickly, or better still, that he comes home tonight with his mind changed as all his mates thought they were cool

BluesCluesToo · 02/03/2022 14:14

@CallMeDean

Surely you have to wear actual SHOES for school - not some 'shitty sweat shop trainers' anyway?

No. You don't in every school.

I'm baffled at how hard it is for posters to understand that.

Apologies, I hadn't read the whole thread. They just look very casual for school, but you are right not all schools care so much about shoes.

BlaBlaSmthSmth · 02/03/2022 14:16

I think some people are being a bit dramatic about the look of the shoes, sure they aren't to everyones taste but they aren't that bad.
It's sad that the poor lad had an upsetting start to his day but it's not guaranteed that he'll be getting bullied at school, I have no idea what 10 year olds like so for all we know he could've had a few compliments about the shoes and is now loving them 🤞

77kidsandcounting · 02/03/2022 14:16

To the posters saying the boy will get bullied for those etc, at the school my sons go to they would get bullied for wearing leather shoes! They would actually die of embarrasment if i bought them leather shoes for school, so think about that while on your high horse.

CallMeDean · 02/03/2022 14:17

I've just looked up some uniform policies.

One says "sensible shoes - no crocs or sandals" no mention of trainers.

Another says "plain black trainers allowed"

Another: "We are not a school that insists on traditional black school shoes! Do you like wearing purple converse boots, Dr Martins or trainers, no problem! Just make sure they are comfortable. Open toe sandals or Crocs are not permitted."

Flipflopfoodle · 02/03/2022 14:18

Black Fabric paint and jobs a good un

tirednewmumm · 02/03/2022 14:18

@Longcovid21

Holes don't appear overnight No they appeared one day.

They weren't £37 BTW that's not the sale price.

I guess I will be forced to get some shitty sweat shop trainers from sports direct then. Gosh you lot are conservative 😊. But point taken. No one likes them.

Not sure you can assume vans are more ethically sourced than supermarket trainers lol

It's not relevant that everyone on here is 'conservative' your kid hates them, he's the one who's miserable so who cares what anyone on here thinks

AngelinaFibres · 02/03/2022 14:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

CallMeDean · 02/03/2022 14:20

Apologies, I hadn't read the whole thread. They just look very casual for school, but you are right not all schools care so much about shoes.

It's OK. I am a bit too invested because trainers are allowed at my DDs and it just keeps getting said. I will drop it now, the info is there (for anyone else).

CharlotteTuesday · 02/03/2022 14:21

I feel for him, poor boy. His old shoes were awful too and the new ones just as bad but at least intact

Just buy him proper school shoes?

buddylicious · 02/03/2022 14:22

It's not that people are conservative. I think they simply don't like them!

Cantleave · 02/03/2022 14:26

@Longcovid21

He only has 2 pairs of shoes in total? There was literally no other option?

Yes correct. Sorry we are not as rich as you.

I think you are being very unfair with that comment! Vans are definitely not known as a cheap brand! Would you be happy if someone sniped at you… “sorry, we can’t afford Vans, as we are not as rich as you”?

I found those trainers for £23.95, which is a good price, if your son had liked them. However, I know you could get a choice of trainers in Sports Direct or elsewhere for that price or cheaper, with your ds being given a choice of which he wanted.

I know what it was like to go to school in shoes that I hated, but were forced upon me as they were a ‘bargain’!

Original poster

Longcovid21 · 02/03/2022 14:27

I feel for him, poor boy. His old shoes were awful too and the new ones just as bad but at least intact

Well he chose his old ones so you are insulting his taste there not mine

OP posts:

NewtoHolland · 02/03/2022 14:28

They're his only shoes, he has to wear them for all school and home activities excepting football. Of course if it's at all possible he should be involved in choosing them.

I like the ones that you chose as a style, but that doesn't matter, it's about what he feels comfortable in.

Original poster

Longcovid21 · 02/03/2022 14:30

Just to clear up once and for all...

NO KIDS at his school wear school shoes.

There is no policy against trainers. A casual look around the playground reveals trainers in a variety of colours. They all wear joggers too and fleecy hoodies. Smart shoes would look odd with this.

OP posts:

Mamamia344 · 02/03/2022 14:32

If it were me, I'd apologise today, admit misjudging it and suggest a shopping trip to get some more suitable ones.
It was a lovely gesture though and you're only being a caring mum and wanting him not to get wet feet. I totally get it but the shoes are really quite unsuitable and he will have been worried about being picked on and laughed at no doubt. Hopefully he wasn't x

ChuckBerrysBoots · 02/03/2022 14:35

The trainers are fine. You were right not to send him in with holey shoes. Next time let him help choose. The dramatic responses here are baffling.

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