Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I wrong to send him in like this?

452 replies

Longcovid21 · 02/03/2022 10:32

Reality check needed.
Ds 10 had massive holes in his trainers which appeared out of nowhere. A few days ago I saw a sale on the vans website and so took the opportunity to buy him some nice new shoes. They look like this.
www.schuh.co.uk/kids/junior-vans-old-skool-metallic-flame-black-and-silver-trainers/2662457850/

He hates them. He says they are too showy and was crying that he wanted to wear the trainers with holes in instead. Usually I let him choose his own shoes but on this occasion I just spotted a bargain.

Was I being unreasonable to basically make him wear the shoes and tell him that if he wore shoes with holes in school may contact social services for neglect (I was feeling desperate).

He was in tears. It was stressful all around.
I need a reality check about whether I was BU to push it? Normally he has his own way but I just couldn't send him in in bad holey shoes.

OP posts:
LizBennet · 02/03/2022 13:33

This thread is gross. Way more gross than the shoes.

Bit harsh 🥴

Original poster
Longcovid21 · 02/03/2022 13:35

@Superbabe64 as a teacher I am surprised you are on mumsnet during the school day. Also I am surprised that you would prefer child in your class to come to school on a wet day rather than with shoes not to your taste. As I've said there is no school shoe policy where we live in Wales.

OP posts:
incognitoforthisone · 02/03/2022 13:35

Not quite sure why people are giving you such a massively hard time about this, OP, particularly the people who are saying they're not appropriate for school despite the fact that they have absolutely no idea what your son's uniform policy is!

I definitely think you should have asked him if he liked the trainers before you bought them. He's old enough to be self-conscious about what he wears and to want to fit in, and things like that seem hugely important when you're 10 years old.

However, I can also see why you didn't want to send him to school in trainers with massive holes in, especially if you've got the same wet weather there that I've got where I am today. Personally, I really like the trainers, and I think some kids would absolutely love them if they're into Vans, Converse, skater brands etc, but they're obviously just not to your son's taste, that's all. Hopefully you can sort him out with an alternative and eBay the Vans if he's only worn them once?

Original poster
Longcovid21 · 02/03/2022 13:35

*on a wet day with gaping holes in shoes...

OP posts:
Mumdiva99 · 02/03/2022 13:35

Holes can appear over night. It's happened to my son.

But at £40 i would definitely try to get buy in from the child or send them back and get something else (although a bit late now he's worn them).

Adidias do a black lace up in Sports Direct for about £20 - which seems to be one of the go-to options around here.

Sofiegiraffe · 02/03/2022 13:36

I remember my Dad making me wear a specific pair of trainers that he had chosen for me when I was about your DS' age, 10 or 11 ish. I had to wear them for PE at school whilst the other kids wore ones that were considered "trendy". I hated them, I felt horribly self conscious, and I was also picked on about it. I'll never forget how it made me feel. I don't ever force my DD (15) to wear anything she hates as a result of this experience myself, because it wasn't nice.

Sofiegiraffe · 02/03/2022 13:37

I definitely think you should have asked him if he liked the trainers before you bought them. He's old enough to be self-conscious about what he wears and to want to fit in, and things like that seem hugely important when you're 10 years old.

Absolutely this!!

Joinedforthis22 · 02/03/2022 13:37

The trainers aside I'm pretty shocked you told him SS would be called, basically hinting that he might get taken away if he wore his old trainers Confused. I also don't understand how it was such a rush that you managed to get shoes delivered in time unless you raced out to the shops and if so you could have taken him with you.

77kidsandcounting · 02/03/2022 13:40

@motherofdragons58 well said 👏👏

Washermother33 · 02/03/2022 13:42

I can see why he didn’t like them. … would have been better to return them and try again with him by your side to chose between a range of affordable choices … Sports Direct always works for us

PopsicleHustler · 02/03/2022 13:43

Hi op,may I suggest using asda George pay in 3 option. You can buy a few pairs there for between 10 and 15 each and pay in 3 installments over 2 months and get the shoes by tomorrow or friday. I do that with PayPal for my kids stuff. It's simple and I spend say 100 quid and split it up over three payments. It's a good idea @Longcovid21 especially if he only has 2 shoes. My teenage son has just outgrown several of his and he is just running around on 1 pair atm so I am grabbing a few this weekend :)

Satingreenshutters · 02/03/2022 13:44

[quote Longcovid21]@Superbabe64 as a teacher I am surprised you are on mumsnet during the school day. Also I am surprised that you would prefer child in your class to come to school on a wet day rather than with shoes not to your taste. As I've said there is no school shoe policy where we live in Wales.[/quote]
I am surprised you send your kid to school with shoes not to HIS taste. The poor little fella cried and pleaded with you and wanted to wear his holey runners rather than those absolute Tiger King runners but you sent him in anyway.

ShepherdMoons · 02/03/2022 13:45

I wouldn't have sent him in shoes with holes either. Was there not just another pair of trainers he could have worn if he didn't like the new shoes you'd bought? Normally if you send in a note with the reason the school would be happy for him to attend with trainers while a suitable pair of shoes is being purchased.

No judgement here though. It's difficult when you just are trying your best, I understand why you wanted him to wear something smart.

GandTfortea · 02/03/2022 13:45

They are hiddious ,he will get teased ,send them back ,buy what you both like

PopsicleHustler · 02/03/2022 13:46

There were so many trainers I thought were cool andtrendy for a 14 yesr old and showed them to my son before buying and he said oh are they for 'Max' (made up name) ie his 5 year old brother. So I was like oh are they too young looking for you then hahaha. He said Yeah 14 year old boys dont wear those. And then he adds on 'if I wear those o
To school I will beaten up all day long,' Haha totally exaggeration so as I wont buy them.

HopeYourHighHorseBucks · 02/03/2022 13:48

I couldn't imagine a 10 year old boy round my area, wanting to wear silver flame shoes to school, so can understand why he was upset. Realistically though, they are just shoes and they will do the job so hopefully he gets an easy time at school and comes out happy. Tricky age tbh.

I remember when I was 11ish, my nan buying me a silver in your face puffa jacket, proper Bianca Eastender style and I burst in to tears and called it ugly and refused to wear it. I feel bad now but no way would I walk round school like that. I wouldn't take it personal but if he dislikes them that much I would get different ones.

Dagnabit · 02/03/2022 13:49

I quite like the trainers but if he doesn’t like them, then he doesn’t like them. You should have checked with a 10yo but I think you know this which is why you’re being so snippy and unpleasant. Threatening him with SS is unforgivable.

2022HereWeCome · 02/03/2022 13:49

OP think you are getting a hard time. I don't think they are the best of choices but you were desperate and I agree you couldn't send him to school with shoes with holes in them.

I would as a minimum make sure your DS always has two pairs of shoes. Trainers are OK but not for bad weather as they are mainly fabric so I would get him something a bit more robust. My DS has a pair of winter boots and some more casual trainers plus he needs indoor shoes for school. I make sure I save and buy decent boots for winter - trainers tend not to last so are a bit of a false economy IMO

TooManyPJs · 02/03/2022 13:50

It doesn't matter what we think of them, just what he thinks of them. He's 10, and should have say in what he wears.

ShepherdMoons · 02/03/2022 13:51

OP some people are so precious on here. Your ds will not die because you made him wear shoes he dislikes to school. Ffs. Don't worry, just find something alternative tomorrow but you clearly love him.

KaptainKaveman · 02/03/2022 13:52

You actually told your child that if he wore holey trainers the school would call Social Services? you really like stirring don't you? how stupid and irresponsible. And dishonest.

Topseyt · 02/03/2022 13:52

I don't find them as offensive as some on here, but I wouldn't buy them myself and I think I can see why a 10 year old might be keen.

I'd consider returning them for a refund, saying that they were not the right size after all. Might be difficult though if he has worn them for a day. I suspect you are really only supposed to try them on before doing it.

I think with children it is probably best to take them shoe shopping with you. That way you both get your input and he gets some choice, within reason obviously.

You really do need to have an alternative pair of shoes for when this sort of thing happens to his regular pair. Nothing expensive, so no need for snarky comments about wealth, just some plimsolls or slip-ons from Asda, Tesco, Sainsbury's.

Gizacluethen · 02/03/2022 13:53

They're not very nice tbh. And he doesn't like them so you should replace them with something he does like.

I'm more concerned that you threatened him with social services if he didn't wear them. That's just really cruel. Is it a threat you make often, that he'll be taken away if he doesn't do as he's told? 🤨

DonnyBurrito · 02/03/2022 13:55

@SevenWaystoLeave

I had to wear boring, black leather school shoes when I'd have rather worn my trainers. They were cheap, ugly and unfashionable. It was school, I dealt with it. My friends wouldn't have been called friends if they bullied me about my school shoes that I obviously had no choice in.

Of course they are not his friends if they bully him, but kids don't only come into contact with their friends at school.

I was replying to the comment from @rookiemere about school being where all his mates are.

Bullies exist and they'll target over shoes, definitely. Hopefully the school has a good bullying policy.

Nat94 · 02/03/2022 13:57

Tbf those trainers you got are a lot better than the ones with holes in.

However the vans do have a bit to much going on.