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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who’s in the wrong? Unsociable or sociable?

541 replies

ShittyFingers · 02/03/2022 08:26

Person A is pretty unsociable. She gets on the bus and looks forward to time alone to sit and think/daydream during her 1 hour journey.

Person B is sociable and looks forward the her 1 hour journey to chat.

Bus has lots of empty seats. Person B decides to sit next to Person A and try to strike up conversation. Person A is polite but makes it obvious she doesn’t want to talk. Person B is a little offended and thinks Person A is a miserable sod. After a few more attempts to make light conversation, person A moves seats. Person B now very upset and this plays on her mind all day.

Let’s say Covid isn’t a thing.

Who is unreasonable?

YABU - person A could have made more effort, it wouldn’t have killed her to chat

YANBU - person Bs wish to socialise doesn’t trump person A’s wish to not socialise

OP posts:
Thisisit2022 · 02/03/2022 10:52

Person B is a totally annoying and entitled twat.

DaphneSprucesPippasClack · 02/03/2022 10:53

Person b isn't respecting person a's desire for space and peace. What if that is the only time person a gets to themselves all day.

iklboo · 02/03/2022 10:53

Person B is annoying & rude. Very unreasonable. I'd have asked her to leave me alone.

diddl · 02/03/2022 10:54

@PinkSyCo

I’m person A but would never be so rude as to just get up and move seats!
More fool you then if you don't want to engage with B & they won't take the hint!
LottyD32 · 02/03/2022 10:56

@ShittyFingers

They’re strangers although do recognise each other as regulars on the bus. Person B normally manages to find someone to chat with but on this occasion she picked the wrong person
Wtf, does this even need to be questioned?!

Person B is in the wrong obviously!

KatherineJaneway · 02/03/2022 10:58

Person B is very much in the wrong, but it sounds like Person A needs to be more assertive.

buddylicious · 02/03/2022 10:58

It also depends if it's the morning or on the way home from work.

Nobody dare talk to me in the morning but I'll chat away at night! Grin

TokenGinger · 02/03/2022 11:00

Person B is a pain.

I am person B, and my cousin is person A. We both work at the same organisation and regularly get on the same train. I know damn well to choose a seat away from him because if I sit close to him, I won't be able to stop myself from chattering Grin

PinkSyCo · 02/03/2022 11:01

PinkSyCo
I’m person A but would never be so rude as to just get up and move seats!
More fool you then if you don't want to engage with B & they won't take the hint!

Maybe I am a fool, maybe I have more tolerance and manners than the majority on this thread or maybe the majority are kidding themselves and wouldn’t actually do what OP did in real life.

MissMaple82 · 02/03/2022 11:01

Person B needs to f##k off

Thisisit2022 · 02/03/2022 11:01

@IvorCutler

I am person A. This would make me feel so awkward and uncomfortable that I’d probably get off the bus.
Sorry to say this, Person A. You are my worst nightmare. So if you got on an empty bus other than me you'd come and sit next to me? Then talk to me? Then ignore the signs I didn't want to talk to you? Why?
Longingforatikihut · 02/03/2022 11:02

Person B is BU. They have no right to anyone elses time or personal space.

Thisisit2022 · 02/03/2022 11:03

Sorry Ivor. I misread which person you were. I am unsociable after all!

However, I definitely wouldn't get off the bus because of the annoying one!

REP22 · 02/03/2022 11:03

I'm generally happy to chat with strangers, but would not appreciate it if I'd politely expressed my wish not to and it had been ignored.

It's nice to be friendly, but it's not always appropriate. I was once on the bus very shortly after my dad had suddenly and tragically died and really wasn't in the mood for anything much. A friend of my mum's (who knew what had happened) started talking to me across the bus aisle loudly and about all sorts of inane nonsense. I made my apologies but she still wouldn't shut up. I really just wanted to be alone with my thoughts. She then capped it all off by loudly laughing about how "funny" it was that three people in the street had died suddenly and unexpectedly, my dad being the latest, and that she'd "better move, in case my husband's the next one to go!" Not even the glares of other passengers put her off.

And then there are people who loudly discuss their medical ailments for the benefit of the entire bus/train carriage.

I feel a bit sorry for Person A.

Xiaoxiong · 02/03/2022 11:05

Is person B from the UK?? There is only one situation where you are allowed to strike up a conversation with a stranger on public transport (more than saying excuse me or would you like to sit down) and that's if there is a delay/problem, when you are allowed to say with a little huff and raised eyebrows "ugh, typical" and have a bit of sociable moan about the miseries of commuting.

Then the next time you see them you pretend you have never set eyes on them in your life.

WisherWood · 02/03/2022 11:06

I’m person A but would never be so rude as to just get up and move seats!

But that 'rudeness' is in response to B's rudeness and intrusion. Why do you think A would be rude to move but not acknowledge that it's actually B being rude? We really do live in a an extrovert's world if being 'chatty and friendly' is seen as fine, even when others don't want it, whereas moving away from an interaction you don't want and didn't ask for is seen as rude.

Either that or as women we've just been socialised to put up with shit that we are actually quite entitled to say no to.

Fudgein · 02/03/2022 11:08

This is is so wierd to me that if a stranger tried to make a bit of chat on a bus people would genuinely be annoyed and MOVE SEATS!? How strange! If someone was chatty on a bus I would humour them, an hour out of your day to chat to someone really isn't going to kill you. People are so self obsessed these days, I think if someone is actively seeking people out to talk to on a bus they probably don't have many people to chat with in their life and for the sake of being nice I would chat back. I cannot believe people are so intolerant of others that they genuinely can't be nice to someone for an hour Confused

Lobelia123 · 02/03/2022 11:08

Please tell me you're not the 'chatty' person forcing yourself and your social needs on some poor sod on a bus. B is an intrusive and entitled ass. Leave poor A alone !!! B's need to talk to someone does not trump A's wish to sit quietly and enjoy their bus trip. I also cant stand these relentless chatty people who want to force their banal chatter on you.

Cas112 · 02/03/2022 11:10

Hate when strangers try to make conversation on public transport and if it's someone I may know in passing then a hello is ok but once again I don't want to spend my journey making uncomfortable small talk

JudgeJ · 02/03/2022 11:11

@GeodesicDome

Person B is a massive pain in the arse.
Sounds like someone who decided to practice her English on us, on a flight from London to Beijing! I feigned sleep, took OH a long time to forgive me, he was much nicer than me.
JudgeJ · 02/03/2022 11:13

People are so self obsessed these days,

Totally agree, so why are you supporting the self-obsessed pest who tried to strike up a clearly unwanted conversation?

Ifailed · 02/03/2022 11:13

an hour out of your day to chat to someone really isn't going to kill you.

For a lot of people an hour on a bus, alone, is the only time they get to be by themselves.

MichelleScarn · 02/03/2022 11:14

People are so self obsessed these days, well yes deciding its your right to force someone to engage with you is rather self obsessed!

TempleBlossom · 02/03/2022 11:15

@Fudgein

This is is so wierd to me that if a stranger tried to make a bit of chat on a bus people would genuinely be annoyed and MOVE SEATS!? How strange! If someone was chatty on a bus I would humour them, an hour out of your day to chat to someone really isn't going to kill you. People are so self obsessed these days, I think if someone is actively seeking people out to talk to on a bus they probably don't have many people to chat with in their life and for the sake of being nice I would chat back. I cannot believe people are so intolerant of others that they genuinely can't be nice to someone for an hour Confused
An hour! Holy shit ,I would just tell them to button it. Someone talking at me for an hour and Im self obsessed if I dont want them to? No! People are mentally drained right now,this might be the only time they get for themselves. Read the room and stop with all the guilt tripping " nice" nonsense.
Missey85 · 02/03/2022 11:15

I'm a person A and people like person B annoy the crap out of me I don't care to chat to randoms on the bus/train its why I sit alone in the first place