Page 15 | Who’s in the wrong? Unsociable or sociable?

ShittyFingers · 2022-03-02T08:26:20+00:00

Person A is pretty unsociable. She gets on the bus and looks forward to time alone to sit and think/daydream during her 1 hour journey. Person B is sociable and looks forward the her 1 hour journey to chat. Bus has lots of empty seats. Person B decides to sit next to Person A and try to strike up conversation. Person A is polite but makes it obvious she doesn’t want to talk. Person B is a little offended and thinks Person A is a miserable sod. After a few more attempts to make light conversation, person A moves seats. Person B now very upset and this plays on her mind all day. Let’s say Covid isn’t a thing. Who is unreasonable? YABU - person A could have made more effort, it wouldn’t have killed her to chat YANBU - person Bs wish to socialise doesn’t trump person A’s wish to not socialise

burnthur5t · 02/03/2022 22:03

B needs to fuck off

amicissimma · 02/03/2022 23:01

I think they're both being odd.

IME, if someone sits next to someone else, one will say something like 'Good morning. What a lovely day/lot of rain' or whatever. The other person will either mutter 'morning, hmm' to indicate not wishing to get involved, or respond more expansively, indicating a willingness to engage. If the first person continued after the rebuff, the reply would be 'sorry, I just need some time with my thoughts, so I'd rather not chat' or something like that. Likewise the first person would indicate whether or not their remark had been a conversational opening or just civilised greeting with no wish to engage further.

I'm an introvert. I may or may not feel up to getting into a conversation with a stranger (normally not), but I would always acknowlege the presence of another human being with a smile and/or a 'good morning'. It seems to have worked fine for the last few decades and I spent many of them in London (although I would limit myself to a small nod on the Tube).

lifeturnsonadime · 02/03/2022 23:30

I'd say neither is being unreasonable.

B is being socially inappropriate in comparison to A given that the bus was empty.

CourtRand · 02/03/2022 23:31

Person B is wrong. If they're strangers she should leave her the fuck alone if she makes it clear she doesn't want to chat.

If they're friends it's still very annoying.

Also, who chats on the bus?

HailAdrian · 02/03/2022 23:33

You just did what I would want to do but wouldn't have the balls to.

IvorCutler · 02/03/2022 23:47

I’m with you @hauntedbillybass (also ND and have social anxiety), my autistic son on the other hand would be person B 😂

NeverDropYourMooncup · 03/03/2022 00:25

Everybody I work with who uses the bus knows I'm not great at conversation before 7am and a coffee, so they very kindly leave me the hell alone until the trip back at the end of the day.

Sportslady44 · 03/03/2022 01:10

The person who moved is a miserable boring cunt. What is wrong with talking to other human beings on this planet. The person who moved has a problem.

KneadingKitty · 03/03/2022 01:14

@Sportslady44

The person who moved is a miserable boring cunt. What is wrong with talking to other human beings on this planet. The person who moved has a problem.

Nothing is wrong with it, but conversations should be mutual. I have had this happen to me so many times on public transport. I don't have the energy for every person that wants to do this, especially after a long day at work. If that makes me a cunt then I wear it with pride.

phoenixrosehere · 03/03/2022 04:25

The person who moved is a miserable boring cunt. What is wrong with talking to other human beings on this planet. The person who moved has a problem.

What is wrong with leaving people the f**k alone when it’s obvious they don’t want to be bothered or giving you the signals that they want to be left alone? Why does B’s need to talk trump A’s need to be left alone? Person B was rude and disrespectful for not accepting that A didn’t want to talk, making A choose to move.

A shouldn’t have to take B bothering them for the sake of B’s wanting of chat.

EmpressaurusWitchDoesntBurn · 03/03/2022 07:20

@Sportslady44

The person who moved is a miserable boring cunt. What is wrong with talking to other human beings on this planet. The person who moved has a problem.

Blimey.

Would you want some random to sit in your car and chat with you on the way to work? Because for a lot of Londoners public transport is a car substitute & a time for being quiet, not an opportunity for socialising.

EveningOverRooftops · 03/03/2022 07:27

@Sportslady44

The person who moved is a miserable boring cunt. What is wrong with talking to other human beings on this planet. The person who moved has a problem.

Hello person B! I’m sure you’re person B

Person A is clearly justified.

And no no one deserves the time and attention of others and it doesn’t make us boring cunts to refuse to give anyone the emotional and mental headspace of us that others demand.

SpicePumpkin · 03/03/2022 07:31

@Sportslady44

The person who moved is a miserable boring cunt. What is wrong with talking to other human beings on this planet. The person who moved has a problem.

Is there any need for calling someone a cunt just because they don't want to sit next to you? The person who doesn't respect other peoples boundaries is the problem. That's B by the way. And you it would seem.

MoonOnASpoon · 03/03/2022 07:44

The person who moved is a miserable boring cunt.

So why would anyone be so desperate to chat to them then? If someone is giving off clear signs that they don’t want to engage, why would anyone be keen to engage with them? That suggests you really do think person A actually exists to soak up person B’s yammering and meet person B’s needs, and how person A feels doesn’t matter. In that case why should how person B feels matter?

Alwayscheerful · 03/03/2022 07:50

Person A should use headphones or EarPods or close her eyes.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 03/03/2022 07:50

@Sportslady44

The person who moved is a miserable boring cunt. What is wrong with talking to other human beings on this planet. The person who moved has a problem.

Yes, all those men who are 'just being friendly' when they demand attention from women and then get angry when they don't get what they see as their entitlement to female attention are completely innocent and she's just being a miserable boring cunt/frigid/fat/ugly bitch/the one with a problem. After all, it's women's responsibility to always be accessible to people who demand something of them, particularly on the bus service to the town centre.

AlexaShutUp · 03/03/2022 07:53

Personally, I think both are unreasonable. Person B sounds like an annoying pain in the arse who really needs to learn to interpret social cues more effectively so that they can respect other people's wishes. Person A sounds like a rude, heartless fucker who can't be arsed to chat to someone who might be really struggling and desperate for the human contact.

WisherWood · 03/03/2022 08:04

Because for a lot of Londoners public transport is a car substitute & a time for being quiet, not an opportunity for socialising.

Well no. For a lot of rural people a car is a substitute for a functioning, useable, joined-up public transport service. Cars are not an essential that requires a substitute when they're not present. Transport is essential to the way we live our lives, but cars shouldn't be the default.

Agree with you on the requirement for quiet though. Londoners are so jammed in together that they seem to me to need to reinforce their personal space very assertively. IME people in rural areas will chat away to randoms when they're on public transport in a way that would see Londoners wanting to lob you under a bus. But then people in rural areas have far more opportunity to get away from people when they need to.

Sagealicious · 03/03/2022 08:10

@AlexaShutUp

Personally, I think both are unreasonable. Person B sounds like an annoying pain in the arse who really needs to learn to interpret social cues more effectively so that they can respect other people's wishes. Person A sounds like a rude, heartless fucker who can't be arsed to chat to someone who might be really struggling and desperate for the human contact.

It's not the responsibility of person A to make sure person B has human contact.

diddl · 03/03/2022 08:15

@AlexaShutUp

Personally, I think both are unreasonable. Person B sounds like an annoying pain in the arse who really needs to learn to interpret social cues more effectively so that they can respect other people's wishes. Person A sounds like a rude, heartless fucker who can't be arsed to chat to someone who might be really struggling and desperate for the human contact.

If B is a pita then A was right to move away.

If B is struggling for contact they need to talk to someone who wants to talk to them.

AlexaShutUp · 03/03/2022 08:17

It's not the responsibility of person A to make sure person B has human contact.

Indeed not, but it's a sad state of affairs if we only focus on what we are responsible for and have no care for anything else. A little compassion would be nice.

Original poster

ShittyFingers · 03/03/2022 08:22

What about a bit of compassion for people who really need to be left alone to mentally prepare for the day? Decompress after a hard day? Come down after masking all day or chill out for an hour before facing a day of exhausting masking?

Or don’t these people matter?

OP posts:

Grinling · 03/03/2022 08:24

@AlexaShutUp

It's not the responsibility of person A to make sure person B has human contact.

Indeed not, but it's a sad state of affairs if we only focus on what we are responsible for and have no care for anything else. A little compassion would be nice.

I’m not sure why this thread has turned into #BeKind and #HelptheLonely — we know nothing about B, apart from her sex and the fact that she’s a habitual talker according to someone else.

Surely she’s just as likely to be the town bore, a rabid gossip after material or someone who’s just poor at reading social cues as someone terribly lonely and athirst for human contact?

AlexaShutUp · 03/03/2022 08:26

@ShittyFingers

What about a bit of compassion for people who really need to be left alone to mentally prepare for the day? Decompress after a hard day? Come down after masking all day or chill out for an hour before facing a day of exhausting masking?

Or don’t these people matter?

No, I agree. As I said, Person B was also unreasonable and should learn to respect other people's wishes.

If Person A is struggling, then that makes their reaction more understandable. My understanding from the OP was that they just wanted to sit and daydream, but I accept that there might be more to it than that.

Beees · 03/03/2022 08:28

@ShittyFingers

What about a bit of compassion for people who really need to be left alone to mentally prepare for the day? Decompress after a hard day? Come down after masking all day or chill out for an hour before facing a day of exhausting masking?

Or don’t these people matter?

Evidently not. As you have seen countless times across the whole thread people who like the quiet and have a desire to enjoy their travel time in peace are obviously completely unreasonable.

It's laughable how many posters have implied you should be nice and kind to person B (Michelle) but seem oblivious she is not affording you the same compassion and kindness.