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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who’s in the wrong? Unsociable or sociable?

541 replies

ShittyFingers · 02/03/2022 08:26

Person A is pretty unsociable. She gets on the bus and looks forward to time alone to sit and think/daydream during her 1 hour journey.

Person B is sociable and looks forward the her 1 hour journey to chat.

Bus has lots of empty seats. Person B decides to sit next to Person A and try to strike up conversation. Person A is polite but makes it obvious she doesn’t want to talk. Person B is a little offended and thinks Person A is a miserable sod. After a few more attempts to make light conversation, person A moves seats. Person B now very upset and this plays on her mind all day.

Let’s say Covid isn’t a thing.

Who is unreasonable?

YABU - person A could have made more effort, it wouldn’t have killed her to chat

YANBU - person Bs wish to socialise doesn’t trump person A’s wish to not socialise

OP posts:
Grinling · 02/03/2022 11:39

@ShittyFingers

I’m person A. I mentioned the encounter to someone else who often gets the same bus and she said something along the lines of “Oh do you mean Michelle? Bless her she talks to everyone! She’ll have been thinking about it all day after that”.

I ended up feeling guilty!!

Maybe Michelle should reflect on her own need to read the room before acting. I'm a fairly social person, but I really wouldn't want to get into a situation where someone regularly saw me as their captive conversational companion for a whole hour, if this is a regular bus journey both people share. When I used to commute by bus, I was usually reading materials to prep my lectures, and was busy.

And it's not wildly out of the ordinary that people don't feel alert or communicative in the early morning, assuming again that this is a commuting journey.

And I'll admit to having very little patience with the 'Bless, X always does Y!' attitude, as though everyone needs to go along with someone's adorable quirks.

Beees · 02/03/2022 11:41

[quote arethereanyleftatall]**@Fudgein* you didn't answer the pertinent question from @Beees* post.

Why does the quiet person have to be tolerant and nice towards the chatty person, when the chatty person isn't being tolerant and nice towards the quiet? [/quote]
The question wasn't answered because there is no logical answer. There never will be but somehow people like person B feel their wants and needs will always overrule those of someone like Person A.

It's nonsensical that people like the OP and introverts should have their wants and needs come second just because someone louder says so. Confused

TheReddestJohansson · 02/03/2022 11:42

Person B is my actual nightmare.

felulageller · 02/03/2022 11:42

Who forces conversation onto a stranger on the bus??

Sagealicious · 02/03/2022 11:43

B is unreasonable and I say that as someone who loves to have a chat. Boundaries and space should always be respected. Queen B needs to learn that not everyone wants to talk and there is nothing wrong with that. Maybe it's the only time of day that A is able to be alone and maybe they need to clear their head.

Sanada · 02/03/2022 11:44

I am person A and I would loathe it if it happened to me. I like to relax on public transport and listen to music. The only exception would be if I was with others, then obviously I'd be sociable. It's one of the few times, where I can just drift into my headspace and relax. Sometimes as well, depending on the day and time of year, I could also be using that time to reflect/pray and I'd hate to be distracted. I probably wouldn't move like person A in the OP but it would be frustrating. I'd feel like I'd have to keep up with the conversation when in actuality I find small talk difficult.

Daenerys77 · 02/03/2022 11:44

Person B should learn to take a hint. And Covid is still a thing.

Original poster
ShittyFingers · 02/03/2022 11:45

@AryaStarkWolf no I can’t know for sure that she was upset all day, this is just what person C said.

OP posts:
cherrysthename · 02/03/2022 11:47

This thread brings to mind Planes Trains and Automobiles Grin

Original poster
ShittyFingers · 02/03/2022 11:47

@Daenerys77

Person B should learn to take a hint. And Covid is still a thing.
But I don’t care about Covid anymore (I’ve had it, double jabbed etc, I’m not a denier, just didn’t want everyone saying person A might be worried about Covid)
OP posts:
diddl · 02/03/2022 11:48

@ShittyFingers

I’m person A. I mentioned the encounter to someone else who often gets the same bus and she said something along the lines of “Oh do you mean Michelle? Bless her she talks to everyone! She’ll have been thinking about it all day after that”.

I ended up feeling guilty!!

I can't think that someone who chats on to anyone & ignores their cues would have given it another thought!
fudging · 02/03/2022 11:49

Bus has lots of empty seats

Some people have no understanding of appropriate personal space.

YANBU

Newnamefor2022 · 02/03/2022 11:50

Person A I'd definitely NBU.

Howe we, we don't really know how unreasonable B was being. If she tried to strike up conversation, it wasn't reciprocated and then she moved (to try someone else), she might just have been reading the room imperfectly (as can we all). If she bugged A, moaned at her for being unsociable and then huffed off, then B would have been being very unreasonable!

SartresSoul · 02/03/2022 11:53

Cba with small talk at the best of times. I got stuck waiting at a bus stop with someone a few months ago who just wouldn’t stop talking to me. She barely asked me anything about myself and just spoke about herself for a solid 20 minutes, this continued on the bus journey too. I found it really difficult to deal with because I’m just not very sociable and am a massive introvert. She may have had SEN, I’m not sure but she just had no filter and told me really personal things.

So yeah, person B was a dick.

thelittlestrhino · 02/03/2022 11:54

@Fudgein

I have no issue with it

I personally do not find it an issue

Yes, that's lovely, but this thread is about people who DO have an issue with it.

AlwaysOutside · 02/03/2022 11:56

I am literally person A and go my way to avoid people I know on the bus. I really enjoy my peaceful journey, gives me a chance to decompress before I reach the madness of home

Lovemusic33 · 02/03/2022 11:58

No one is really BU, they are different people, one is sociable and one isn’t, both should have respect for each other. I’m more of a A person but it wouldn’t bother me if B wanted to chat a little, if they didn’t stop talking for the 1 hour journey I would probably be a bit annoyed.

AryaStarkWolf · 02/03/2022 11:58

[quote ShittyFingers]@AryaStarkWolf no I can’t know for sure that she was upset all day, this is just what person C said.[/quote]
Well if she is it might make her read the signs in future and learn to actually pick up on social queues. For a sociable person she doesn't seem very socially aware/intelligent

AngelinaFibres · 02/03/2022 11:58

@fudging

Bus has lots of empty seats

Some people have no understanding of appropriate personal space.

YANBU

Exactly. I absolutely hate it if a stranger sits next to me on a bus /train where there are plenty of empty seats. Get out of my space. I don't want to chat. Just fuck off.
AryaStarkWolf · 02/03/2022 12:00

Cues even**

dewl · 02/03/2022 12:01

Person B is a PITA.

Memyselfandfood · 02/03/2022 12:02

Person b is massively unreasonable!!
I hate it when people talk to me on the bus or train ( and taxi) . I hate it even more when they try to sit by me, it makes me anxious.
I just want to listen to my music and read my book Confused
I have 50mins to get to work, i just want to relax.

herehere35 · 02/03/2022 12:03

Person B is an annoying bugger 😌 if I was A I would've moved too and bare in mind I do like to socialise at events / work etc but my commute is my time to unwind

TempleBlossom · 02/03/2022 12:05

@Lovemusic33

No one is really BU, they are different people, one is sociable and one isn’t, both should have respect for each other. I’m more of a A person but it wouldn’t bother me if B wanted to chat a little, if they didn’t stop talking for the 1 hour journey I would probably be a bit annoyed.
Talking at people isnt being sociable thiuvh, its being unsociable and irritating. Being sociable is about everyone involved and adapting your communication style. Quick hello, morning etc fine Talking at me for an hour not fine. I would also have got up and moved if B ignored my social cues. Better that than tell them to shut up
stripeyflowers · 02/03/2022 12:05

Person B is entitled and insensitive and socially immature.

Yes, I am an avid reader who values my reading time!

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