'do you need to speak to your husband?'

[Madmaxxy]

'I don't have one and I'm the one spending the money' was my answer (best part of £1000 for home improvement)

Honestly in 2022?! AIBU?

Hahaha.. I ride motorcycles.. I buy my own motorcycles.. if I take my husband with me while looking to buy a bike or to get it serviced etc, they nearly always speak to him.. needles to say I don’t buy from people, who won’t speak to me about my potential bike. I walked out from several dealers who were either completely ignoring me or just patronising..

YANBU
when someone asks me that question I just say that I am the husband as well as the wife as I'm the only one living in the house. That takes the wind out their sails.
Sheesh there was me thinking we were in the 21st century

I sometimes use this phrase as an excuse for not proceeding with workmen so I’m probably not helping the situation.

Yes, had this, I earn more than double what he does, was in a bathroom showroom and this patronising twonk asked me if my husband was coming in to sign it off

I'm buying a house at the moment - well, trying to! It seems that most estate agents don't even realise that women are allowed to do that in 2022

Estate agents are terrible for it.
I went with an estate agent once because instead of the usual "is that Mrs or Miss?" they asked "is that Ms, Dr, Professor...?" and it was a good decision.

My neighbour came to my door and wanted to ask a question about the front of our house. So he says ‘is the boss in?’ And I said ‘you are looking at her’. Had the grace to appear embarrassed when he realised

@Thereareliterallynonamesleft

Haha, ‘I need to speak to my husband’ is my get out to get away from door to door salesmen etc!

Me too.

But he also does the same and says he needs to discuss with me.

@WeddingHangover

Sometimes I say it as a get out clause! Use it to your advantage!

Why do you need a "get-out clause"? What's wrong with just saying "no, thank you"?

When I was getting house renovations done, I sometimes would ask my stepdad to come along just to make sense of it all as it was overwhelming and I would notice that when my stepdad came the workmen would all speak away to him and look at him when they were explaining things even though it was my house. They barely spoke to me at all. Sometimes if I asked something they'd say, 'yeah I've went over it all with Peter (stepdad) it's fine'.

Ermmm it's MY house!

@mam0918

I don't find it condescending or rude.

If I was spending £1000+ on the home damn right I would talk to my DH about it, common curtousy.

So you are not married, maybe misguided they said husband rather than a partner (boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/homesharer etc...).

Most homeowners these days cant afford to live alone so almost every modern home owner I know is in a relationship and would make these decisions with their spouse so it's not a batshit assumption that more than one person maybe involved in the process.

Well yes, of course most couples would discuss things in advance and agree on, for instance, replacement patio doors. Hell, they might even decide on a budget, and who is going to pay for it.

But that is assuming that it is in fact a couple, and not a woman living in the property on her own.

Why is it so necessary for a double glazing firm to tell a woman that they will not come out to measure up for a new patio door unless her husband is present? Why do they assume that the woman even has a husband to ask?

Love a bit of casual misogyny
I wouldn't use a company if this was said to me.

@Ifeelgoodgoodgood

If this thread is anything to go by, women rule the world. Why does anyone think men do. Women make all the decisions!

The point is that the general assumption by many tradesmen is that the man is the one who knows about technical things, he's the one who pays the bills, he's the one who has final say in decisions.

All the examples cited here are when women are the ones making the decision but get ignored or dismissed. On this thread, people aren't going to post about the other side of things where the man isn't ignored when he is the one buying the car etc.

Yes men DO make decisions on many things, but rarely are they asked if the wife needs to be involved with their decision making, especially if it's to do with something technical or mechanical. And virtually never are they completely ignored in favour of a female pertner when it's made clear at the start that the man is the one responsible for the purchase.

I have turned down builders, window companies and kitchen designers because they wanted to come when we were both home. My exh trusted me to choose contractors without question, and anyway they were only coming to quote (of course they wanted an answer often at the time something I refuse to do). My exh still calls me for advice on all things contract wise, even sent me house specs then asked me to view with him.

Really annoys me when kitchen reps especially talked to the man when in my experience they don't use the kitchen for much more than a kettle and beer fridge! (ok some men cook, neither of the ones I've been in relationships with have)

I’ve renovated 3 houses in the last 5 years. New roof, bathrooms, kitchens, garden landscaping, interior, exterior painting.
No-one said anything like this to me. Bathroom guy did ask if I wanted the shower a bit higher for my husband.
I’m a widow, but they don’t know that

Few years ago went to buy a car and took my dad along (mainly so we could have a catch up and go and get some lunch). First show room - male sales rep. Addressed everything to my dad and then was a nightmare on the test drive assuming I couldn’t see the traffic lights or the zebra crossing or any other cars travelling on the same road.

Second showroom, female sales rep came over after I was ignored by 4 men when looking round some of the cars in the showroom. She was brilliant and got a sale out of it and was fantastic through the whole process. Even when a male colleague tried to muscle in on the sale at the last minute!

Same as the lorry drivers I stop , who call me 'love ' and 'sweetheart' and tell me any old bullshit . Including the dickhead who threw his keys at me and told me to move the truck myself after he got told to stop causing an obstruction. He didn't think I'd have an HGV licence ( from driving horse boxes and I've kept it current ) . So I did . His face watching me pootle off with his load was a picture.

I love having a lorry (also a horsebox) as it's such a good comeback to sexist arseholes:

"Do you need that new car battery fitted for you?"

"No, I'm fine thanks."

"Are you sure you know how to do it?"

"I've just refitted the battery on my 7.5t lorry, I'm sure I'll manage a Polo."

Their faces are always such a picture

Oh actually, I've just remembered. In the supermarket not so long ago I had a bit of a numpty experience at check out. Some veg fell off the belt, dropped my card, a bag broke and it was all a bit of a faff. The 40ish chap behind me, picked things up, took over putting things in my trolley, etc., and talked to me as though I were a little old lady (I'm 61). Went to the cashpoint on the way out and he appeared again and took my trolley saying "where's your car love, let me help you". When we arrived at DH's V8 Granturismo I have never seen a grown man's jaw drop so low.

I thoroughly enjoyed saying "thanks love" giving him a wink as I said "rarely seen, always heard" and revving hard.

@GlitterSquid

I work in a hugely male dominated trade. I'm the highest qualified engineer in my team, indeed the only officially qualified person in my team. Some pearlers I've had recently are:

'No offence love, can I speak to one of the lads?'

And

'Is Brian there? No? No point asking you, you won't fucking know.....'

Ditto! I've had 'No offense, can I speak to someone who knows what they are talking about, its not that I am a chauvinist ha ha! (well clearly you are and you just don't like the fact I am telling you that your idea will not work - I don't trust sky-hooks :-))

and... someone on site on their mobile.."yeh i'll ask an engineer when i find one, its only the receptionist in here at the moment"

and at the builders yard "are you sure that's what you want love - that's bigger than usual, you might want to check with your builder"

Don't get me even started on the price difference at one builders yard between me ordering something and my (male) partner ordering something!

I don't think some will ever learn.

I haven’t had this from a tradesman for years, but I have had comments about spending my husband’s money from female shop assistants whilst on holiday twice in the last year. I pointed out that I earn my own money of course. Also, our female decorator (she’s gradually wallpapered and painted the whole house and our garden pergola), has trouble when she visits people for a quote. She is often blatantly told that they are not going to give her the job because she’s a woman 🤬

I guess it's the Mr & Mrs thing. No one ever says Mrs & Mr.

I have never had this happen to me, but my divorced neighbour says it happens to her quite often

@jontyl

I guess it's the Mr & Mrs thing. No one ever says Mrs & Mr.

I always a Ms

This happened to me when organising double glazing. I wish I could have cancelled the whole thing, but the company were giving us a brilliant deal and they did turn out to be honest traders with very skilled professional workmen. To be fair the salesman was embarrassed and apologised for having to follow company policy of obtaining both husband and wife signatures on the contract. Not acceptable in this day and age though !

@AnnieSnap

I haven’t had this from a tradesman for years, but I have had comments about spending my husband’s money from female shop assistants whilst on holiday twice in the last year. I pointed out that I earn my own money of course. Also, our female decorator (she’s gradually wallpapered and painted the whole house and our garden pergola), has trouble when she visits people for a quote. She is often blatantly told that they are not going to give her the job because she’s a woman 🤬

This would make me want to use her because she is a women, crazy.