'do you need to speak to your husband?'

[Madmaxxy]

'I don't have one and I'm the one spending the money' was my answer (best part of £1000 for home improvement)

Honestly in 2022?! AIBU?

Had this more at work . Turn up to a call with a male student constable - I'll be driving - I ask all the questions, and had people talk across me to him . Who is looking like a rabbit in the headlights because he's been on the street for 3 days while I , with 28 years service , well what would I know .

Same as the lorry drivers I stop , who call me 'love ' and 'sweetheart' and tell me any old bullshit . Including the dickhead who threw his keys at me and told me to move the truck myself after he got told to stop causing an obstruction. He didn't think I'd have an HGV licence ( from driving horse boxes and I've kept it current ) . So I did . His face watching me pootle off with his load was a picture.

Tried to buy a car last year. I went to do the test drive as he was working and I was on summer holidays (teacher). Salesman wanted to go through the PCP deal with me but actually had the cheek to start off with ‘so I’m not being funny but should I just talk to Joe (not real name) about this?’ as if I would be incapable of comprehending the numbers involved! We didn’t even want a PCP as we were cash buyers, but he hadn’t thought to ask that. I just acted all confused and said I’d prefer if we went through it now as I was perfectly capable of understanding. I’m actually far more financially astute than dh as he would happily tell you! I didn’t buy from him, got a far better deal elsewhere!

People use it these days to back out of purchases. It's an unreasonable question and I once had a kitchen company refuse to give me a quote unless my husband was there. But great excuse 😂

Some years ago.

We were looking at getting a mortgage - in principle. My wife was working - decently paid and secure. Paid enough to get the mortgage we needed in her own name with her own wage.

At the time I was retraining, almost finished, for a secure well paid job for which there was a shortage.

Went to our bank - lets call them Barclays - to ask. Just in principle.

‘We couldn’t, what if you get pregnant?’ Said the manager.

We didn’t get a mortgage of them - they wouldn’t and after this we wouldn’t if they’d offered.

Other lenders were available.

A few months back i was in a furniture shop. I was sending an email on my phone.

Salesman popped over. Can i help Madam? No sorry I'm just sending a text and will then continue browsing.

Asking for permission are you?

No actually. I'm closing a fucking business deal that wont be buying your shitty sofas

@TheJade

A window company said they wouldn’t come out and quote unless my husband was home 🤣🤣 told them to shove it up their arse. I’m not a 1930’s house wife 🤣

They would have done exactly the same if your husband had phoned, and said they wouldn’t come and quote unless you were home too.

It’s not sexism, it’s just part of their hard sell tactics, so people can’t use the ‘I need to check with my other half first’ excuse for not signing on the dotted line.

That said, you are best off avoiding companies like that. Find a good local company who will give you an honest quote, without any of the inflated prices and one day only special discount BS.

@mam0918

Not in my house. My money, my decision. OH doesn't have much interest anywau

A friend of mine once had a company around to come and talk to her about installing solar panels on her roof. Her husband, at the time, worked abroad about 9-10 months a year and she was alone in another country raising her two kids. She is among the most capable women I have ever met. All the women out here in that position are. However I digress. The man asked if her husband would be around when they installed it. She said no. He said he wouldn’t install it if they wasn’t ‘a man’ present because ‘it’s a bit technical’. She told him to leave. He lost his company thousands of euros with that mistake. But I’m sure he though he was totally justified with his assumption. Despite the husband readily admitting to us all when he was back (finally) that he is useless at anything technical and would have had to have deferred to her anyway.

@balalake I like that come back! Do you need to speak to YOUR husband? Brill. Your're right they are making more than 1 big assumption.

@plominoagain I would have loved to have seen the lorry driver's face when you drove his waggon off.

I hadn't realised how often this happened to me in garages until I changed to my new garage which happens to be female run - I think I had just shrugged it off.

She books the car in for things, rings me to explain the problem, gives me a quote, assumes I will understand her clear sensible explanations and then fixes stuff without either ripping me off or needing to speak to a man. I think I'm a bit in love with her!

Sometimes I say it as a get out clause! Use it to your advantage!

I’ve recently had ‘hello love, is the man of the house home?’ I wish I’d had a good comeback, I just said ‘no’ and shut the door looking bemused.

Honestly this drives me batty.

I bought a new car about 18 months ago; first 5 garages I went to either on my own or with my mum, and most sales people saw a wedding ring, and immediately asked when I’d like to make an appointment to come in with my husband, or as one such sales person referred to him “the decision maker”.

My money, my car, my decision - my DH, lovely as he is, knows sweet FA about cars other than he likes them, and he likes fast ones. On the other hand, I am a car enthusiast, and I actually needed a very specific vehicle for my disability.

Eventually found somewhere that took me seriously, but I’m so over dealing with this shit every three or four years that I’m keeping my current car till it bloody well dies!

Sofa salesman list out on £3000 sofa sale for asking that question. When I asked if he would ask a man a similar question, he told me No, asnen usually pay for furniture this expensive. When I told him that I no longer wanted the sofa, his comment was "but what about my commission?". My comment was go get equality training... I then sought out his manager and reported him. The manager didn't see the problem....and she was a woman. No one I know now shops there.

I was asked to pass the phone to DH when discussing a broken boiler. I said "Sure, but he knows much less about boilers than I do".

I’ve had loads of situation which I laugh about now.
Estate agents would never come round if hubby was not with me. Having both of us there will not make us sign the dotted line.

We had an electrician in to look at our wiring and was unsure how the break the bad news of that we needed a full house re wire (I had expected this) hubby and electrician at the top of the stairs, electrician trying the break the bad new of how much he would charge us. There is was Bottom of the stairs saying, I don’t care if you are the most expensive or the cheapest if I dont like you or are not comfortable with you you won’t get the job. I think My husband died that day. I’m now pretty good friends with this electrician

My husband arranged our daughters birthday venue and the week before they called use for details and payment. They failed to tell us of the price increase and would not budge with husband (extra £100) he hands the phone over and within 30 seconds we are on the old rates complementary drinks thrown in.

Hubby thinks I’m ruthless, and can understand why salespeople want to speak with him

I hate it when sales people wont come around and quote unless both I and my husband are there.

I always say "Why? YOu only need to deal with me as it is me paying" And they always say "It is company policy and they don't want my husband coming back with changes because he doesn't agree with what I have asked for/agreed".

I always say, "Well my husband knows better than to change something I've arranged and if that is the only way you will come round and quote, I guess I shall have to look elsewhere. Shame really because that's £10k on full double glazing for house or that's 2 x £6k bathroom refits (two latest examples)."

Then I hang up

I supervise others at work. Like PP, the amount of times they presume a male member of my staff is the manager after I've told them something they don't like hearing . To be fair to my team, they quite often pull a face and say they are not in charge and refer the person back to me!

@Mirw

Sofa salesman list out on £3000 sofa sale for asking that question. When I asked if he would ask a man a similar question, he told me No, asnen usually pay for furniture this expensive. When I told him that I no longer wanted the sofa, his comment was "but what about my commission?". My comment was go get equality training... I then sought out his manager and reported him. The manager didn't see the problem....and she was a woman. No one I know now shops there.

A salesman really said what about my commission?

Recently I was looking at a new build estate and the site manager gave me his card for any paintwork I might need doing. IS it just you or is it your husband deciding what work to be done?" eyeroll

He was very friendly and then it felt sinister, Threw his card away.

Also at a car showroom guy asks if it will only be me driving or anyone else driving? Might say he dog next time lol

Oh, and contractors we tender for maintenance:

"Hi love, looking for the supervisor? Need to sign in."
"That would be me". I show my ID badge.
Brief look of confusion. "Really?"
"Yes, really."

Brought my brother with me one time when looking at a car. He is mad into cars and knows his stuff. Nonetheless it was made clear to the salesman by both of us that I was the one buying the car.

He addressed himself entirely to my brother throughout the time there. No sale.

I love it when this happens. 😜 Recently left builder and husband chatting, while I got on with with my 'menial' jobs. Husband nodding wisely, until builder asks where our thermostat is and husband has to come and find me. Another time, on the phone, man insisted on speaking to husband (we have different surnames) to check something out about the house. I left them to it until husband had to come find me as he didn't have a clue. Man on phone got a little lecture on how it's not the 1950s anymore. I enjoy it 😁😁😁

I'm married but it's me who makes the decisions not him. If someone asks him something he'll say I better check with the boss