'do you need to speak to your husband?'

[Madmaxxy]

'I don't have one and I'm the one spending the money' was my answer (best part of £1000 for home improvement)

Honestly in 2022?! AIBU?

I recently had a repairman ask to speak to my husband. When I said he could talk to me, he answered (and I am not kidding): "Sorry, but I really need to talk to the decision-maker'.

Almost choked laughing to his face.

Oh and in the past we had a landlord who would message my DH and MIL (of all the people), even after DH made a point that I need to be added to all messages and his mother excluded. This person would literally respond to an email by removing me and adding MIL.

I actually had to explain that excluding me was not the smartest idea as it was me paying the rent (DH was a student at the time).

They would have done exactly the same if your husband had phoned, and said they wouldn’t come and quote unless you were home too

They wouldn't. How often are both partners home anyway? Even in the era of WFH it's highly likely that one half of a couple is at work. At least.

Meh, we both always say "I need to talk to my wife/husband" because we make most financial decisions together.

This is different though:
Conservative party canvasser called at the door before a general election. He asked to speak to my husband. I said "No, he's cooking my dinner and women have had the vote for a hundred years". Now that would piss me off. Great reply though @MrsMoastyToasty

@TerribleZebra

I walked out of a car purchase when the salesman said this to me. My money, my car.

We went into PC World to look for a piece of computer equipment, my late OH being useless with most technology. The salesman approached us and asked him what we were looking for, OH knew what it was called and answered him. The salesman then went into his spiel and OH was making stupid comments as he was out of his depth but the saleman continued, I walked off and left them to it, I think the salesman was glad to see OH leave, empty-handed. It happened so often, I used to be amused to see OH converse with male-orientated salesmen regarding technology.

@DameEdnasNeighbourhoodWatch

Why is this offensive ? Surely when you are in a marriage you discuss things like kitchen purchases/extensions. I would rather be asked if I wish to discuss with husband than get someone trying to give me a hard sell!! Honestly some people can't win !

It's offensive because many of us don't have husbands and are perfectly able to decide to buy something without a penis in the room.

We were going to buy an expensive camera at a local shop. My husband said he wanted to bring me to hear my opinion. The salesman then referred to me as " the little wifey at home". My husband didn't really think that was a way to refer to his highly intelligent and educated wife so absolutely refused to return. We went to another shop more than 20 miles away instead.

I used to be a member of a Wifi club. After I had met my husband. I could never get them to address me. They only talked to him. When we purchased something they'd then get a wee surprise when I was the one with the membership.

@Thereareliterallynonamesleft

Haha, ‘I need to speak to my husband’ is my get out to get away from door to door salesmen etc!

Me too. I’d jump at this and say “yeah”! 😂

Not in a quote type capacity, but we were talking to a neighbour one day that we'd not spoken to before. He looked at me (at the time I was mid 30's), looked me up and down and said "What do you do? Are you a housewife?" as if I couldn't possibly have an actual job.

My DP stood there smirking as I explained about the successful business I run, employing 20 people! Neighbour has barely spoken to me since, so hopefully he was suitably embarrassed and has started thinking before he speaks!

The last time this happened to me was when we needed to get new windows for the house.

One of the men called me to follow up on his visit.

He firstly irritated me by persistently calling and leaving messages when I had expressly said that I would be occupied. When I was able to answer, he then gave a quote which was way out of kilter with the others. I told him that we would not be proceeding with him. He then asked me whether I thought I should ask my husband. And then TOLD me I should ask my husband. I politely reiterated that we would not be going with him. He then said that he would call my husband himself as he would be “better able to understand”. I told him to go ahead, but that my husband would feel that I was perfectly able to understand a simple quotation, given that I was about to present to a couple of thousand people at an international conference. (If I could produce original scientific work deemed worthy of this, I felt I would probably be able to decide who would do my windows).

He did indeed call my husband, who told him that it was my money anyway, and if I didn’t want his company to do our windows, that wasn’t going to happen. (It wasn’t my money, it was our money, but it was nice that husband had my back).

The other slightly less irritating thing is the old chestnut of the car salesman only addressing the husband after having it made clear that it is the wife’s car. This rankles me intermittently, as in the 8 years since buying the bloody thing, even though it is registered in my name, paid from my account, they seem incapable of updating the details from my husband to me.

I get this a lot. I like to respond “which one of them?”

My DH and I never buy anything unless we both agree. Been like this since marriage...28 years

Especially good when women say it. [hmmm]

@Mallowmarshmallow

Absolutely not.

We've recently had builders round to quote for work. I have researched, contacted, engaged with them and explained everything. I also earn the most money.

As one was leaving, he shook my DH's hand and wasn't planning to shake mine until I had stood there so long with my hand outstretched that it was unavoidable.

I would rather have used Bob the builder than 'refuse to shake my hand' builder. When his quote came in and we chose someone else, he asked for feedback and I told him exactly why I would rather gouge my eyes out than use him.

How excruciatingly petty! You sound exhausting

My husband always says ‘ my wife deals with this ‘😂

My DH and I never buy anything unless we both agree. Been like this since marriage

Which is fine. This isn’t what we’re talking about though, this is salespeople treating women as second class citizens who need a man to make decisions and pay for their choices.

Do you and dh not buy anything without the other present? What if you wanted a new toaster or other minor purchase, and the man in the shop refused to sell you one unless you had dh’s permission?

@Bogiesaremyonlyfriend

Had similar the other day. Had a guy round to measure up for fitted wardrobes, he turned up early and h was still at work. I told him what I wanted, went through ideas, colours etc all fine. H turns up and he starts speaking to him and totally ignoring me. I'm paying, I have the ideas, sadly I dont have a penis so clearly dont know what's going on. Not going with them.

I think that's a respect thing amongst men. For example if I'm chatting to my male neighbour and don't smile & engage with his wife when she's stood with him, I'll likely then be thought to have some kind of eye for her husband!

If this thread is anything to go by, women rule the world. Why does anyone think men do. Women make all the decisions!

No, women are asking to be treat with the same respect as men. Not to be asked what colour car they like while men discuss fuel efficiency and acceleration. Not to be told salesmen won’t talk to me unless I have a man present. Not to be overlooked and asked where my male “decision maker” is.

Funnily enough my pretty little head can think about more than what colour paint I want or how things look.

We had a renovation recently and with my dh having just set up a new business I was the one to manage the builder, get quotes, decide and order on all the fixtures and fittings etc. If my husband was the one to go to the house and drop something off or recieve a delivery instead of me the builder would usually have a million questions and usually ended up telling my husband he would call me as DH didn't have a clue 🤣

Often I would tell a pushy salesperson who came to quote that I'd need to discuss with my husband to get them out the door.