'do you need to speak to your husband?'

[Madmaxxy]

'I don't have one and I'm the one spending the money' was my answer (best part of £1000 for home improvement)

Honestly in 2022?! AIBU?

@Lurkerlot - great one! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I’m living in Australia right now, and sexism is rife. It’s like how I imagine the 70’s in England. Maybe not everywhere in the country, but Queensland is known to be a bit backwards when it comes to racism and sexism.

Anyway, I love cars. I know cars. I love off roading. My husband just likes a no thrills car to go from A-B.

We recently were looking at cars and every single sales person spoke over me and to my husband all this jargon. Loads incorrect. Each time my husband would say “it’s my wife you need to be talking to, I am not interested in the slightest about engines or performance, I’m just here to look pretty” to which sales people would laugh and say “oh and to pay”.

Husband would always reply, “wow, if I was my wife, I’d be very offended. Plus I wouldn’t spend my money on cars”. I’d usually just respond by saying, not really, this person doesn’t even know what they’re talking about and then I’d correct them on the things they’d said which I knew to be untrue of exaggerated before leaving.
It’s just super annoying.

Even when getting paperwork for mortgage, the bank would call and ask me to find documents rather than my husband despite me advising I, won’t be home, I’ll be working, so they’re best calling him. When they kept calling I asked whyyy. Apparently “oh women are just better at paperwork”. Not this one!

Speak to my DH? He’s no clue wtf is going on ..
but in the Trades defence, it’s usually a large sum of money and a quote- they maybe mean “ age a discussion. With someone. If you need”
DH doesn’t know how to change a lightbulb never mind discuss planning permission

Mine have mainly been with men selling cars. One bloke was selling his wife’s car, and when we came to the test drive merrily handed the keys to DH. He refused, and said I’d be doing the test drive. Seller refused to let me drive it initially, demanded to see my insurance, and started blabbering on about how it’s a powerful car and have I ever driven a fast car, it’s a v6 etc. I was gobsmacked, DH merrily told him I regularly drive cars twice as fast as this one, I pitched up in a v6, that I’m literally back in my home town and this is the first time he’s been there and I’d know better than he if there’s something wrong with the car as I’ve been driving 5 times as long as he has. I still bought the car, but the guy was a tosser. I’ve had the usual all questions directed at DH when shopping for my own car. I’ve also be stood there whilst DH is congratulated on his parking skills despite not having a licence at the time.

Any trades person who speaks to me like I’m thick or can’t handle speaking to me doesn’t get my business. I’m loyal to the ones who explain things and don’t have an issue with dealing with a mere woman, and pass their details on as much as I can to others.

I got this recently from a chimney sweep cleaner who I had booked to do the simple clean. He asked if I needed to check with my dh because there was unexpected maintenance work needed to be done before the sweep (necessary work- about a few hundred quid more). I just said 'nope I am perfectly capable of making a decision on my own thanks. As you're here you may as well get on with it'. He had come recommended and did a good job though ......

Tbf when I bought my car I went to the showroom on my own (my dh was out of the country so didn't even know I was buying a new car). The sales person (male) was actually very nice and not at all patronising.

Walked out of two car showrooms when I was looking for my most recent car, for this very reason. But I had the opposite with our builders - anytime a decision was being made with DH they made sure he checked with me! They said it's always the wives that know best, although maybe they were just buttering me up so they could get more tea and biscuits. It worked.

Can I speak to your husband? It takes more than two people to so a séance sweetheart said to my salesman ex by a very sweet lady he changed tactics to ask are you authorised to make the purchase or do you need to speak to anyone else 🤣 but seriously he would get into trouble if he didn't ask

I had this recently when arranging someone to come over and quote for some work.

"Is that time ok for your husband?"

"Is your husband aware of our conversation?"

They refused to even bother with me on my own. It was a woman who said this to me!

@chesirecat99 the point is these people are assuming that all women they speak to are straight and married to a man. The OP has said she doesn't have a husband and was spending her own money! Luckily I've never experienced this thank god!

Safe style window's??

I don't agree with it by any stretch of the imagination its very sexist.

I'm useless with words but I'll try to explain

But the amount of times I've heard 'take you dh with you so they don't rip you off you know what places like that are like, for example if I went to a garage. So places have the Stigma of ripping women off. Therefor by asking for a dh opinion or approval it covers their ass from being sued or getting a bad name, although theyre getting a bad name by being sexist.

Fwiw a friend took her car to a garage that she was reccomended by her DF who insisted it had to go to a garage he used. She was fobbed off with so much shit and told stuff had been done.
After 2 weeks the issue was still there light kept coming on . Dh looked at it, The work hadn't been done but because she had no clue so she paid it. (£600)
DH ended up doing the work on the car himself, parts were £45

I had one door company who wouldn't even come and quote unless my husband was there I told them where to go.

I had this with a window/door company - they literally wouldn’t take my order without seeing my husband, he had recently passed which I was not ready to discuss with a total stranger - but I needed a new window urgently

I can't believe all this is happening in 2022. It is like the 1970s all over again.

Had similar a few times. We went to see a pick up for work. The sales advisor cut me off, cut me off, spoke to DH. Gave DH the keys. Looked dumbfounded when DH handed me the keys. He had apparently only copied DHs licence and not mine when we handed him both "its most unusual for a man's wife to try out his work vehicle before he buys it!"

.....he was quite shocked to hear that we were looking for a work vehicle, for me, for my construction job, but you know what, I think I'll go elsewhere mate.

His manager called that afternoon, said he understood there had been some miscommunication. I explained exactly what happened and why I was going to a competitor.

DH was also looking around at gas and electric deals z few years ago. I told him to leave it. I've always paid the bill and was quite intent on staying with my supplier. Anyway, a call comes through to my phone
"I'm calling to speak to Mr nowayout"
"Um this is his wife, I'm unsure why you're calling my number for him, can I help?"
"No I'm just calling about his gas and electricity switchover"
"I apologise, were not going to be switching suppliers right now"
"I'm calling to speak to MrNowayout about his electric and gas supply, you aren't authorised to block the switchover, and I want to speak to him now"
I sat for a moment, mouth agape!
Quite angry at this point "Given that the electricity and gas bill is and has always been in my name, I am the only person authorised to enquire or authorise a switchover, I have said I do not wish to, and even if I did it would not be through someone as rude as you"

He then called and called and called and called.

These are the two times that have really stuck in my mind

I have a hobby which is very male dominated. I needed to buy some some supplies and DH came to the shop with me. Bloke in the shop ignored me and spoke to DH. The thing was DH just nodded along as if he knew what the bloke was talking about (he is absolutely clueless about my hobby). When we got back home I mentioned to DH, about him nodding along and he replied " Well you've got to haven't you?"

Is it so offensive? Would assume most couples confer on important matters. I won’t see one of a couple for my work as they both need to instruct me. Sometimes one wants to meet and plans yo pass on the information given - they can never manage to do it so I end up having two meetings which is a pain for me.

I run my own business. The number of times I have had people ringing wanting to speak to MrEmpra. Depending on my mood I might say I divorced him 5 years ago and he never worked here anyway.

@JazzyBBG

I had one door company who wouldn't even come and quote unless my husband was there I told them where to go.

But this is really really common and makes perfect sense. They would say the same to your husband or anyone else who had a stake in the property.

Doing a quote and the associated sales pitch takes a very long time. Add to that the travelling involved and that's the sales person booked up for at least 2 hours minimum.

They don't want to go through all of that only for the person to say at the end of it, "I'll discuss it with my husband/wife" later.

They want to catch you both and give the pitch at the same time.

My DH makes a point of just looking them straight in the eye and pointing at me. Calling them out. It works surprisingly well.
We bought a new build, we were meeting the builder, DH had to take a work call and told them to start without him as I was lead buyer etc. They waited for him and then only talked at him despite me asking all the questions.

Years ago a man trying to sell something knocked at our kitchen door, I answered, the H was sat at the kitchen table, man said - can I have a word with your Dad love.

Priceless moment, often brought up

@worraliberty all well and good except if you're not buying something as a couple, or in my case, I've had a company refuse to quote unless OH was there... except I'm single and sole owner of the house ai was trying to get a window quote for. I told them this 4 times before I gave up, they still ring every 3 months or so to try and arrange a quote with me and my nonexistent OH!!!

Why is this offensive ? Surely when you are in a marriage you discuss things like kitchen purchases/extensions. I would rather be asked if I wish to discuss with husband than get someone trying to give me a hard sell!! Honestly some people can't win !

Conservative party canvasser called at the door before a general election. He asked to speak to my husband. I said "No, he's cooking my dinner and women have had the vote for a hundred years".
The candidate was JRM.

I think yabu. I take business enquiries over the phone and usually everyone in the family wants to be part of deciding if they're going to proceed with my service. I always say "would you like to go away and process, speak to your family (will say husband if they've directly mentioned a husband)". This is so I don't seem pushy or salesy (less on the spot pressure) and because 95% of the time, women enquire with me rather than men.