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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

'do you need to speak to your husband?'

308 replies

Madmaxxy · 01/03/2022 21:22

'I don't have one and I'm the one spending the money' was my answer (best part of £1000 for home improvement)

Honestly in 2022?! AIBU?

OP posts:

CarbonelCat · 01/03/2022 21:23

We deliberately didn't go with a kitchen company where the design person said this to me.

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 01/03/2022 21:23

Nope YANBU

We had similar a few years ago for a new door. Was asked the same. Good luck mate he's deployed in afghan and the signal is sketchy at best. I won't be spending my precious three minutes every few weeks asking about bloody doors! Needless to say we didn't buy from them!

Mallowmarshmallow · 01/03/2022 21:24

Absolutely not.

We've recently had builders round to quote for work. I have researched, contacted, engaged with them and explained everything. I also earn the most money.

As one was leaving, he shook my DH's hand and wasn't planning to shake mine until I had stood there so long with my hand outstretched that it was unavoidable.

I would rather have used Bob the builder than 'refuse to shake my hand' builder. When his quote came in and we chose someone else, he asked for feedback and I told him exactly why I would rather gouge my eyes out than use him.

Bogiesaremyonlyfriend · 01/03/2022 21:27

Had similar the other day. Had a guy round to measure up for fitted wardrobes, he turned up early and h was still at work. I told him what I wanted, went through ideas, colours etc all fine. H turns up and he starts speaking to him and totally ignoring me. I'm paying, I have the ideas, sadly I dont have a penis so clearly dont know what's going on. Not going with them.

whoami24601 · 01/03/2022 21:32

Had the opposite when we got married. Forgot all about flowers for the church but luckily we lived above a florist (landlord) so sent DH down to pick 'any fucking thing I don't give a shit'. Florist sent him back 3 times to tell me he couldn't possibly let him make a decision about it 🙄

Thereareliterallynonamesleft · 01/03/2022 21:34

Haha, ‘I need to speak to my husband’ is my get out to get away from door to door salesmen etc!

thecatsthecats · 01/03/2022 21:35

I just saw someone on another thread advocate saying "I need to talk to my husband about this first" about a purchase.

I think that we need to switch it up to "I need some time to think about it".

Pushy sales people need to learn that pushy tactics put as many people off as they bully into purchasing.

Duracellbunnywannabe · 01/03/2022 21:38

@Thereareliterallynonamesleft

Haha, ‘I need to speak to my husband’ is my get out to get away from door to door salesmen etc!

This is why lots of window and home improvement sales people start with this line. It’s helpful red flag that the company will fleece you if you go with them.

Hellocatshome · 01/03/2022 21:38

Not the same but similar. There was a crime committed on our street. The police knocked on our door to ask what we had witnessed. DH said he had only heard something but that I had seen a lot of the event. The Policeman directed every question to DH who then looked at me for me to provide the answers. At the end he stood up shook my DHs hand and said "thank you for the information you have been really helpful" and didn't even acknowledge me

TerribleZebra · 01/03/2022 21:41

I walked out of a car purchase when the salesman said this to me. My money, my car.

LS430 · 01/03/2022 21:46

I'm a huge car enthusiast, have had modified/performance cars since I was 17. Every. Single. Fucking. Time. 'Is that your boyfriends car!' 'Oh wow, I wouldn't let my girlfriend drive my car - he's brave!', I was alone every time one of these comments came about.

Any attention my cats attracted, I was never directly spoken to, it was always my partner. Unfortunately, he would carry the conversation without correcting anyone, and every time I tried to engage in the conversation about my own car I would be ignored.

Newuser82 · 01/03/2022 21:47

This happened to me once recently. I took my car to the garage and told them
It was making a grinding noise. I left it with them. About an hour later they rang me to ask had I managed to speak to my husband to work out what the car was doing so they knew! I had told them all I knew which was a load more than my husband who 1. Knows nothing about cars and 2. Never drives my car so wouldn't have a clue! I was shocked.

Luredbyapomegranate · 01/03/2022 21:48

I wouldn’t use them. And I’d write and say why. And leave a review.

balalake · 01/03/2022 21:48

The response could be, if a man asks this, to ask them if they talk to their husband before making decisions. To make the point that not only is it presumptuous to assume you are married, but to assume it is to a man.

vonniee · 01/03/2022 21:49

Yep I was looking for a new boiler a few months ago and had one salesman say this to me. Needless to say I went elsewhere.

LeroyJenkinssss · 01/03/2022 21:49

I’ve had the same and it’s incredibly frustrating. I’ve rung and left messages for tradesmen and heard nothing. DH rings with his man voice and suddenly they call back!

chesirecat99 · 01/03/2022 21:50

I'm in 2 minds... Yes, YANBU if they don't ask men if they need to ask their wife but don't most couples make large financial decisions jointly?

HolyMerlot · 01/03/2022 21:52

A door to door salesman once told me (while emphasising the words in caps) that he would "come back next week at a time when my HUSBAND was home from work to speak with HIM instead".

I smiled and said "ok that's fine, my WIFE doesn't work Wednesdays, see you then" and shut the door

MunchyMonsters · 01/03/2022 21:52

Oh yes, still alive and kicking! About a month th ago...

Builder knocked on my door wanting to discuss.some work he was doing next door. Went through the plans with me briefly then asked if my husband was home so he could discuss it in more depth with him!

Just shut the door in his face. Idiot.

Original poster

Madmaxxy · 01/03/2022 21:53

@balalake exactly!

Would have liked to see their face if I'd said 'no, but my wife likes the colour'

OP posts:

Lurkerlot · 01/03/2022 21:54

“No, he’s useless, speak to my brother, he knows what a bitch I can be if it isn’t exactly what I wanted”

RB68 · 01/03/2022 21:55

Oh God - we went looking for a car - it was going in my name and I mostly fdrive it - not a petrol head but know enough and as least as much as the majority of men, can change a tyre, check the oil, do tyre pressures and fill the water spray - ok thats more than many men - but I said to DH as we were walking up to the garage that I get really pissed off at these places and he was like "why???" so told him to watch the salesman, observe who he directs questions to and whose name he puts on the quote etc.

After about 5 minutes husband gets the giggles cos he ended up having all the q directed at him and then repeating them to me before repeating the answer to the bloke. Then we get down to doing credit checks before they let us take a test drive and he starts filling it in for DH - I'm like errr it will be my name you need to use, he had the cheek to say well it would be better etc I just said no, it wouldn't as I will be the owner and driver, and did he need my license as well given that I would be test driving as well... such a dork

Blanketpolicy · 01/03/2022 21:55

Honestly doesn't bother me, we've had as many trade people say to dh 'do you need to speak to your wife?'. I just assume they think a big quote/job will be discussed between a couple before accepting.

Dh is a trademan and regularly has problems where one person accepts a quote then their OH questions it on the day the job is due to either start or be paid.

KNain · 01/03/2022 21:56

A few months ago I called an estate agent about viewing a property they were advertising. We weren't on the books with them so he needed to take my details.

He began by asking if it was buying alone or with partner (fine) - I said with my husband. He then said "ok what's you're husband's full name?" I pointed out that he hadn't even asked my name yet, and he just gave a nervous laugh and said "oh yeah hahahaha. So what is your husband's name?"

honeyytoast · 01/03/2022 21:57

Even ignoring the sexism that’s a strange way to make money. Why would they want to see if another person agrees before they sell it?

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