'do you need to speak to your husband?'

[Madmaxxy]

'I don't have one and I'm the one spending the money' was my answer (best part of £1000 for home improvement)

Honestly in 2022?! AIBU?

I work in construction. When getting quotes at home I always talk to tradesmen and my DH keeps well out of it as he knows absolutely nothing about houses or building. No one has ever asked to speak to him, maybe he just looks utterly clueless!

@Thisbastardcomputer

Years ago a man trying to sell something knocked at our kitchen door, I answered, the H was sat at the kitchen table, man said - can I have a word with your Dad love.

Priceless moment, often brought up

Can we speak to your fella about the kitchen install?

No because it's not his flat and he doesn't live here and he isn't paying you. So you can speak to me ta

I always use this as a get out

I had an amazing one just before I gave birth (elective section). Registrar came up to the bed I was in, didn't look at me at all, spoke to my husband in some detail (who was also a medic but entirely different speciality), nothing technical though, just talking through details pre theatre, and didn't say a word to me.

I interjected and the bloke just grinned at me. DH look baffled and amused and said "She's your patient". Registrar just smirked at me and walked off, while bowing and scraping to DH.
Obv this must have been partly some weird throw back medical patriarchy nonsense, but even so, was astonishing that he didn't utter a word and it was the first and last conversation before I went into theatre. I actually ended up refusing to have him operate and they found someone else (coincidentally a woman, in an entirely female team in theatre). This was in 2015.

[quote HouseIsOnFire]@worraliberty all well and good except if you're not buying something as a couple, or in my case, I've had a company refuse to quote unless OH was there... except I'm single and sole owner of the house ai was trying to get a window quote for. I told them this 4 times before I gave up, they still ring every 3 months or so to try and arrange a quote with me and my nonexistent OH!!![/quote]
Well yes, that's completely different.

But generally speaking, so many MNetters don't seem to understand that it's normally about stakeholders in the property, rather than any kind of sexism.

Really they should be asking for 'all home owners to be present', rather than using the terms 'husband' or 'wife'.

But then a lot of women don't help themselves (I don't mean that in a nasty way!)
I work for a car brand and get women who have to ask their husband - the mileage, the car reg, whether they should book it for a service, whether the MOT is due...
I spend all day hearing "I don't know, I'll have to ask my husband" and it's not elderly people

Oh and vice versa
Men presuming I'm reception and asking to speak to service because obviously I can't know anything about their car

I had a real row with a window salesman once about him refusing to come and do a quote without DH here. He just would not back down so I told him to get stuffed and went with another supplier. Didn't stop them pestering me for business for months after either!

Had various tradesmen around recently to revamp our house. At various points they asked DH (who WFH) to call me to check some decisions! Made me lol.In fairness DH is happy to leave me to make the decisions! I was the person who arranged the quotes etc.

Arf. The electricity company for some reason have put the account in “my husbands” name and have been refusing to change it for more than a decade. The name they have chosen for dh isn’t his name but a buggered up version of a double barrelled invention. They will only change it if Mr Doesntexist phones them. I pointed out he DOESN’T EXIST countless times and point out I have paid the Bill from day one. About five years ago they agreed to make a note on the account that I could talk to them. I don’t bother, they are tits.

We have the opposite in our local hardware store. There's a sign in the Ben Moore paint section that says, "Husbands need to bring a signed letter from their wives before making a paint selection". Still stupidly sexist but makes me laugh when I see it.

Oh yes - I recognise this.... when buying a car (for me to drive as OH had PD and could no longer drive) - I had the last laugh by telling them I had seen he same car online at £X (£1500 less than they were asking) and that I would only buy from them if they could match the price. They did!

We had a leak the day we moved into out house. Found a local plumber to come and sort it but made it clear we couldn’t pay until after 5 pm because I was in a ridiculous work meeting and dh had emptied his account paying for the movers. Money wasn’t the issue but we don’t have a joint account, could have transferred the money but moving day isn’t the time to be fucking with bank log in, water was coming through the wall abs it was after 3 so not long. Dh kicked the plumbers out to sit in the van because they refused to accept the he’d leave a woman with money when he had none. Was so weird. We’d explained the whole situation before they appeared.
We also don’t have the same last name (how modern) and the vet and local take away call dh Mr Mylastname even though I’ve never said I’m Mrs!

I took my husband with me when I went to buy myself a new car at the Mercedes showroom. I had my eye on a particular model with particular specifications and I knew this showroom had a couple in stock so I was prepared to put money down and drive away that day. The salesman asked my husband which model he was after. He shrugged and said, "I dunno, ask my wife, it's her car". The salesman smiled patronisingly as he turned to me and asked "So what colour of car were you after love?"
I didn't buy a Mercedes.

But generally speaking, so many MNetters don't seem to understand that it's normally about stakeholders in the property, rather than any kind of sexism

Nope, it absolutely is sexism.

@DameEdnasNeighbourhoodWatch

Why is this offensive ? Surely when you are in a marriage you discuss things like kitchen purchases/extensions. I would rather be asked if I wish to discuss with husband than get someone trying to give me a hard sell!! Honestly some people can't win !

Do the very same tradesmen ask if male customers would like to "ask your wife"? If not then there is double standards at play.

As for the car salesmen completely ignoring the female buyer, even when it is pointed out that the man doesn't even drive...

I may make some incorrect assumptions at times but I'd like to think that I at least manage to apologise and change my approach, rather than blundering on regardless.

@MrsMoastyToasty

Conservative party canvasser called at the door before a general election. He asked to speak to my husband. I said "No, he's cooking my dinner and women have had the vote for a hundred years". The candidate was JRM.

But then you wouldn't believe the number of women who do tell canvassers that they just vote for whoever their husband says to vote for.

I was told I should have left my dog ‘at home with my husband’ by a stranger who was intent on arguing with me because I’d left the dog in the car for less than 3 minutes on a Luke warm day. I told him I didn’t have a husband. At that point his wife walked out of the shop…..she was one of my colleagues and was utterly mortified.

Maddening, isn't it.

Had this with a painter - I was the one who knew what I wanted, what was needed, but he kept talking to my DH who knows next to nothing about painting/decorating. I ended up walking out on him after he called me "darling" and mentioned shopping... and we went with a different contractor to paint the house. This was in NSW, Australia - the attitudes are no different here than in the UK.

I've had the opposite experience. After much discussion, my husband and I agreed that a vasectomy was the best thing for us because of my health conditions and not wanting to risk another pregnancy loss. My husband went to see his GP who would not even discuss a referral for a vasectomy unless I was present. I honestly cannot believe this can still happen, the same GP won't let me have my husband in the room when I'm having an appointment with her so wth?

I think people already have it worked out between them. For instance, going with a new internet provider I’d be quite useless so indicate I need to get DH to deal with it, whereas if the hot water system packed up DH would be useless, indicate as much, and I’d deal with it. If he consulted me on internet and I consulted him on hot water systems we would each think the other had gone quite mad. Just some examples but extends out to everything. With cars, we each drive one and go buy our own, we don’t input on each other’s. Typically a rough budget each is agreed upfront and we each work within that when buying which I imagine everyone would do so no need to be discussing it during buying process?

The other day,I was racing round trying to get ready for work
Door went
I answered it to find a bloke standing there
He asked me for ‘the man of the house’ so I shouted my bloke who came to the door
‘Would we like to set up a delivery of milk from the milkman?’
‘Nope’ says my fella and shut the door
I would love to have glass bottled milk delivered and would have set it up there and then!
It would have been my money paying as I pay our groceries

I was once out with my ex and we used to take it in turns to pay for lunch
Anyway,it was my turn and he went to the loo while I went to pay
The fella behind the counter refused my money as ‘it’s for the man to pay’
No joke,I had to wait for ex to come back from the loo,hand him my £20 note just so he could hand it over rather than me
Bloody joke-we complained and was told ‘he’s just old fashioned’

I once went to a different vape shop as I couldn’t get to my normal one
The bloke behind the counter seemed to think it was funny that I was out on my own,unsupervised and buying my own vape juice with my ‘pocket money’ (his words)
I work full time,earn more than my bloke and really didn’t see what was so amusing
He tried to get me to buy the sweeter end of the flavours-I can’t bear them-I’m guessing that apple and pear or kiwi and strawberry are more ‘girly’ favours
Never been back

I'm buying a house at the moment - well, trying to! It seems that most estate agents don't even realise that women are allowed to do that in 2022

When the man came to collect my car for an MOT he happily told my daughter (who was 4 at the time) that he'd be bringing daddy's car back later on... He wasn't so chirpy when I said it's actually my car and "daddy" doesn't drive.