Page 6 | Wants the lifestyle but someone else has to pay for it?

renamer · 02/03/2022 08:28

Doratheexploret - she seems to be saying the “friend” was a SAHM when the kids were little and the DH was building up his career and travelling a lot.

Now he’s more flexible with his work he.... wait for it... does “childcare” including school runs.

Can you even imagine such a thing??

I find this an outrage. Take it to the National press immediately OP.

TabithaTittlemouse · 02/03/2022 08:35

Are you the husband?

AllOfUsAreDead · 02/03/2022 08:38

@1forAll74

I have known a couple of spikey and grabby women, who were only interested in the money that their Husbands had. They did not work, and a credit card was their only love.

This. It's amazing how blind people on here can be at how uncaring some can be on their marriages.

This woman has told op she doesn't care about their relationship, their marriage. She only cares that he funds her lifestyle. She loves money, not him. But yeah, totally don't understand why he'd want to leave her.

She's also now got him paying her money still that she has clearly shown proof to op that she doesn't spend on their kids, but on herself too. None of you find that selfish, being mothers yourselves? I mean OK I doubt the kids are starving while she drapes gold over herself, but it is quite selfish.

She is also now shagging a married man, and getting gifts from him. Would any of you still feel sorry for her if that happens to be your husband? She is shagging this guy for money. Again, doesn't like or love him, it's the money and presents she loves.

God knows what's actually happening with the kids now, assuming she is looking after them. She's got the house, she gets cm, she doesn't need anything else. But that's his problem, he should grow a spine and take the divorce to court and see what they say, not bend over for her demands. I doubt either he was clean in this whole thing, neither of them sound very mature, but I'm not feeling sorry for either of them. She's grabby, he's an idiot.

TheGoddessFrigg · 02/03/2022 08:38

If he was out the house at 6am every day, surely he'd WANT to put his children to bed. And to spend weekends with them. That's just being a father isn't it?
Unless he thought his earning power entitled him to see the children for one hour after dinner, like some Victorian patriarch.

Pyewhacket · 02/03/2022 08:47

@DrSbaitso

Seems you've already made your mind up, OP.

You may be right, of course. But I'd like to hear the other side of this.

I frequently think that of many comments on this site.

Mickarooni · 02/03/2022 08:58

You should end this friendship because you have zero respect for her. I don’t know why you’d want to be friends with someone who you’ve described in this way.

planetme · 02/03/2022 09:01

Let me guess

Op is either the new girlfriend or the mother of this "person"
"Funding" their ex 🙄

If this is the case, wake the fuck up

Original poster

cleocleo24 · 02/03/2022 09:03

Well, it seems IBU and there are points on here that I had not thought about. I will reassess my thoughts and think more from my friends POV. It's funny though as it is only her POV I have really heard and still formed this opinion. It's not been a case of only hearing his POV. We haven't really heard from his at all. I guess I have got over involved because every-time something happens I get long rants and she wants me to agree with her when sometimes I don't. But if I don't she gets very defensive.

It's also funny as I have read many posts on here of men who work minimal hours and expect the DW to do the childcare etc and they fund his lifestyle and it is all LTB and he's a sponger but it seems to be the other way round when it's the DW doing it.

Anyway, I take it all on board and will try and re-evaluate my views. It has been a bit of dilemma for me though despite what you all think. It's hard when someone is slagging someone else so much and you simply don't agree but they aren't listening to any other POV.

OP posts:

SoberSerena · 02/03/2022 09:05

Aw I know poor menz op

Are you an MRA?

Original poster

cleocleo24 · 02/03/2022 09:07

@Mickarooni

You should end this friendship because you have zero respect for her. I don’t know why you’d want to be friends with someone who you’ve described in this way.

It is true, I am finding it hard to respect someone who so openly wants to be looked after and paid for by someone else- her words, not mine. It's so far away from my own views of life. But then I think am I wrong to think this and let the friendship slide because of it when I guess it really doesn't affect me, apart from having to listen to it. I don't know, the attitude doesn't sit well with me when I think so differently.

OP posts:

Original poster

cleocleo24 · 02/03/2022 09:07

@SoberSerena

Aw I know poor menz op

Are you an MRA?

What's a MRA?

OP posts:

SoberSerena · 02/03/2022 09:09

Do you have google?

Thewindwhispers · 02/03/2022 09:13

Honestly you sound like you hate her, so why are you asking the internet if you should be friends with her?

No one outside a relationship ever really knows what goes on inside it, she’ll have her view as you have yours and he has his. Not sure I care about any of it other than it’s a bit uncomfortable reading how much you seem to despise someone you apparently consider a potential friend.

DrSbaitso · 02/03/2022 09:13

End the friendship, OP, because you aren't friends. You are either the new partner, the ex husband or someone with a frankly creepy level of obsession and a reason to oppose her. You don't like her and while you're happy to spend yonks on here disparaging her to the world wide web, you won't answer any questions that would shed light on who exactly you are and why you're so invested. It's giving me the creeps and I don't think I'm the only one.

DrSbaitso · 02/03/2022 09:15

What's a MRA?

Saucer eyed, eh?

Shark jumped. You can use the Internet well enough to find Mumsnet...

I confess, the double female username had me doubting but I've been thinking lately that I might have been going too hard on that so I was trying to rein it in...

AllOfUsAreDead · 02/03/2022 09:16

@SoberSerena

Aw I know poor menz op

Are you an MRA?

She has a point.

If we turned this around, ops friend is the worker and her husband stays at home, did the childcare for 5 years while spending a lot of money on himself, then the wife can come back home to work so the husband decides that she can work and do most of the childcare when she can, while refusing to get a job with more hours himself and still going out spending money on himself, not the kids. Also saying that he's only with the friend so that she can keep giving him money and that he doesn't care about their relationship.

That OK too? Because when people have said these kind of threads on here before, op is right, the guy gets called a sponger.

Original poster

cleocleo24 · 02/03/2022 09:20

@Thewindwhispers

Honestly you sound like you hate her, so why are you asking the internet if you should be friends with her?

No one outside a relationship ever really knows what goes on inside it, she’ll have her view as you have yours and he has his. Not sure I care about any of it other than it’s a bit uncomfortable reading how much you seem to despise someone you apparently consider a potential friend.

What have I said that has made me look like I despise her? Please tell me. I certainly haven't agreed with her actions but have actually remained very supportive.

I have answered questions. I am her friend. We are in a friendship group with her and her ex. Girls meet up 1-1, the boys meet up 1-1 and we have met up as a group. Over the last 10 years we have all seen the gradual demise of their relationship. It's very sad when they were once so happy together. I do feel for my friend that it has finally ended. They have been in limbo for the past 18 months and we have all heard about it on almost a daily/weekly basis from her. She has kind of got us all involved. Should I have ignored her when she's talked about it during meet ups or messaged about it? This is why we all know so much. We haven't asked, she was told us pretty much every detail as she works through it.

OP posts:

renamer · 02/03/2022 09:35

How about enlightening us as to the financial set-up in you marriage, OP?

I assume you earn exactly the same as your DH?

I assume you have totally separate finances and never “fund each other’s lifestyle?”

Perhaps he magnanimously “gives” you money every so often to buy the kids stuff?

Living the dream, eh?

PossiblyDreaming · 02/03/2022 09:36

A relationship where he worked ridiculous hours leaving her to do all the childcare (because he wasn’t expected to do bedtime if he was coming home at 10pm, was he?) and then giving her an “allowance” each month but keeping control of all the bills seems a pretty shitty relationship and certainly not one where she is exploiting him. If he was paying all the bills she wouldn’t have been able to apply for an overdraft/ credit card etc which leaves her pretty trapped in the marriage. In a marriage money is supposed to be shared. You obviously think her ex husband is being exploited by her but I’m sure he’s quite capable of saying the word “no” and she is quite capable of taking legal action if he is not paying fairly to support his family.

Stop being friends with her. You’re not friends with her anyway as you hate her . In regards to your original question though - no, I wouldn’t WBD a friendship if a friend ls husband left them and she still expected him to support is family. Because I’m not a complete bellend.

Original poster

cleocleo24 · 02/03/2022 09:39

@renamer

How about enlightening us as to the financial set-up in you marriage, OP?

I assume you earn exactly the same as your DH?

I assume you have totally separate finances and never “fund each other’s lifestyle?”

Perhaps he magnanimously “gives” you money every so often to buy the kids stuff?

Living the dream, eh?

Our earnings are vastly different to each other's but we both contribute to a shared account for all expenses and get the same amount personal money out. I know everyone's finances are different and I have many friends in different financial set ups.

I guess it was only because she earns too but wasn't contributing anything to money wise to the bills etc but was still getting money from him on top for food and their dcs activities.

OP posts:

renamer · 02/03/2022 09:52

“I guess it was only because she earns too but wasn't contributing anything to money wise to the bills etc but was still getting money from him on top for food and their dcs activities.”

Well why the hell wouldn’t she?

She was a SAHM - to HIS kids - while he built up the big career salary. Then she worked part-time.

Are you saying she should have lived like a pauper in her own home because she earned less?

The fact she even talks about receiving an “allowance” from her OWN HUSBAND would set-off alarm bells for me. I won’t go so far as to suggest financial abuse, but certainly it sounds controlling on his part.

Why did she not just have access to family money like a normal person?

Wake up OP. What is wrong with you?

I will also ask if you are an MRA or at least a very stingy man because this thread is peculiar.

renamer · 02/03/2022 09:55

Who is the Oh Great Almighty Benevolent Higher Earner in your household OP? You or the DH?

Rosebuud · 02/03/2022 09:55

What have I said that has made me look like I despise her

It’s all of it. If this is how you talk about someone you classify as a friend I would hate to see how you talk about and treat someone you admit to dislike.

You are coming across as obsessed with this woman, and full of resentment. And you keep trying to pretend you’re her friend.

Friends don’t do to one another what you are doing. It’s awful

LuaDipa · 02/03/2022 10:03

@DrSbaitso

Seems you've already made your mind up, OP.

You may be right, of course. But I'd like to hear the other side of this.

This.

I’m struggling to understand how he can work long hours and also do the vast majority of childcare.

DrSbaitso · 02/03/2022 10:08

What have I said that has made me look like I despise her

"...shafted financially..."

"...really entitled..."

"...bad mouthing him..."

"What would you think of them? Could you be friends?"

"In what way?" (In response to asking for her side of it, as if the concept is totally baffling.)

"...expected a lot from him..."

And this is all just from page 1. Plus your belief that he was the main earner doing long hours yet somehow did most of the childcare, that he shouldnt have to do bedtime after working all day and the fact that he hid debt from her, which you've barely acknowledged.

If you can't see how this is coming across, I can't trust a single bloody thing you're saying about this marriage that totally has no connection to you.