@MargosKaftan
Wait, she works part time but he does the bulk of the childcare- does he work part time too, or is it her that's looking after thr dcs? Have you fallen for the noticeable dad, invisible mum family labour thing?
If hes paying CM does that mean she has the dcs the bulk of the time ? Is he offering to fund paidhelp to make up the time (nanny/housekeeper), or is she supposed to juggle kids and building a new career ?
If she did nothing wrong and he was his shit behaviour that lead to the split, then yes, I can see why she might be railing against the deal they struck being ended.
I had a career and gave it up because dh couldn't take the next step up in his career with doing 50% of drop offs / pickups and covering half of sick days etc. And my wage would be pretty much eaten up by full time childcare for 2 preschoolers. I do work parttime now, dhs wage covers most family costs, but I still do most of the family crap so he can continue in a stressful job. Id be pissed off if he got to the next easier stage then said "why don't you have the same earning potential as me? I'm doing half of childcare now, you need to pay half the bills" with no acknowledgement he wouldn't be able to get there without me covering the middle bit and high stress early years of parenthood.
Thanks. I admit I hadn't really thought about it like that. As from that she's said that's not really been the case but maybe she's just not said.
Yes- I ve been in that situation too. A SAHM doing all childcare so DH could build his career. There is no way he could have done school runs. Things are more equal now.
He works full time but self employed so flexible. I think went 1 dc was little she did it all him hindsight. Then as dc went to school he does the two days she works and she does the rest during the weekends. Then he does the weekends I would say. From the way she talks and from what I and others have observed.
She's made it clear she doesn't want a career so hasn't given anything up. She has a lovely job she loves on minimal hours with no intention of increasing hours. She could use extended school hours to cover more work hours if she wanted.
I don't have much to do with her DH no, except in our group of friends. DH is his friend and sees him 1-1 and this is what he's hold him and DH has told me.
My friend was the catalyst for things starting to go wrong, she openly admits that, but he was away a lot and lonely. I can see why it happened. Then it became rather tit or tat of him doing the same. Neither of them really found of exactly what the other did though. I probably am very involved. I have tried not to be but when my friend has messaged me or told me every single detail of the breakup and I have listened to her for hours and hours as it's all she talks about. When you get ranting messages about him whenever it kicks off you do become involved and you do start to form an opinion. And maybe that opinion changes over time the more you see and hear.
Anyway. Away from that individual case. I wanted to know